Cabaret

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CABARET

Book by Joe Masteroff

Based on the play by John Van Druten and storiers by Christopher Isherwood

Music by John Kander  Lyrics by Fed Ebb

Broadway production directed by Harold Prince

Produced for the Broadway Stage by Harold Prince

Cast of characters (in order of appearance)

Cabaret was first presented on November 20th, 1966, by Harold Prince in association with Ruth Mitchell at the Broadhurst Theatre in New York City, with the following cast:

MASTER OF CEREMONIES (EMCEE): Joel Grey

CLIFFORD BRADSHAW: Bert Convy

ERNST LUDWIG:    Edward Winter

CUSTOMS OFFICER: Howard Kahl

FRAULEIN SCHNEIDER: Lotte Lenya

FRAULEIN KOST: Peg Murray

HERR SCHULTZ: Jack Gilford

TELEPHONE GIRL: Tresha Kelly

SALLY BOWLES: Jill Haworth

GIRL ORCHESTRA: Maryann Burns, Janice Mink, Nancy Powers, Viola Smith

TWO LADIES: Mary Ehara, Rita O'Connor

MAITRE D': Frank Bouley

MAX: Johm Herbert

BARTENDER: Ray Baron

GERMAN SAILORS: Bruce Becker, Steven Boockvor, Roger Briant, Edward Nolfi

FRAU WENDEL: Mara Landi

HERR WENDEL: Eugene Morgan

FRAU KRUGER: Miriam Lehman-Haupt

HERR ERDMANN: Sol Frieder

KIT KAT GIRLS:

Maria: Pat Gosling

Lulu: Lynn Winn

Rosie: Bonnie Walker

Fritzie: Marianne Selbert

Texas: Kathie Dalton

Frenchie: Barbara Alston

BOBBY: Jere Admire

VICTOR: Bert Michaels

GRETA: Jayme Mylroie

FELIX: Robert Sharp

Berlin, Germany, 1929-1930 before the start of the Third Reich

Note: There is no curtain. As the audience enters the theatre, the stage is bare and dark. Street lamps on both sides of the stage recede dimly into the distance. A large mirror hanging center stage reflects the auditorium, thus allowing the audience to see itself. A spiral staicase is on the left side of the proscenium arch.

SCENES - ACT ONE

Scene 1: Kit Kat Club

Scene 2: Compartment of a European Railway Car

Scene 3: Cliff's Room

Scene 4&5: Kit Kat Club

Scene 6: Cliff's Room

Scene 7: Kit Kat Club

Scene 8: Fraulein Schneider's Living Room

Scene 9: Kit Kat Club

Scene 10: Cliff's Room

Scene 11: Kit Kat Club

Scene 12: Fraulein Schneider's Living Room

Scene 13: Herr Schultz's Fruit Shop

SCENES - ACT TWO

Scene 1: Kit Kat Club

Scene 2: Herr Schultz's Fruit Shop

Scene 3: Kit Kat Club

Scene 4: Cliff's Room

Scene 5: Kit Kat Club

Scene 6: Cliff's Room

Scene 7: Railroad Compartment

MUSICAL NUMBERS

ACT ONE

1. Willkommen: M.C. & Chorus

2. Welcome to Berlin: M.C.

3. So What: Fraulein Schneider

4. Telephone Song: Telephone Girl

5. Don't Tell Mama: Sally & Girls

5A. Don't Tell Mama: Stage Band

6. Telephone Dance: Cliff & Chorus

6A. Telephone Crossover: Orchestra

7. Perfectly Marvelous: Sally & Cliff

8. Two Ladies: M.C. & Two Girls

9. It Couldn't Please Me More: Fraulein Schneider & Schultz

10. Tomorrow Belongs To Me: M.C. & Male Chorus

11. Change of Scene: Orchestra

12. Why Should I Wake Up?: Cliff

13. Sitting Pretty: M.C. & Girls

14. Incidental: Orchestra

15. Married: Schneider & Schultz

15A. End of Scene 12: Orchestra

15B. Opening Scene 13: Stage Band

16. Fruit Shop Dance: Orchestra

16A. The Scene Continues - Incidental: Stage Band

17. Meeskite: Schultz & Sally

18. Reprise: Tomorrow Belongs To Me: Kost, Ernst & Chorus

ACT TWO

19. Entr'acte: Stage Band

20. Kick Line N. 1: Orchestra

20A. Kick Line N. 2: Orchestra

21. Reprise: Married: Schultz

22. If You Could See Her: M.C.

23. Incidental Underscore: Orchestra

24. What Would You Do?: Schneider

25. Sally's Revolt: Orchestra

25A. Cabaret Incidental: Stage Band

26. Cabaret: Sally

27. Breakup Underscore: Orchestra

28. Finale Ultimo: Cliff, M.C., Sally & Chorus

29. Curtain Calls: Full Company

30. Exit Music: Orchestra

ACT ONE - Scene 1

In the darkness, a large sign is illuminated - letter by letter.

It reads: CABARET. Then it disappears.

WILKOMMEN

There is a roll of the drums. Then the MASTER OF CEREMONIES (EMCEE) enters in a spotlight up stage. He is a bizarre little figure - much lipstick, much rouge, patent-leather hair parted in the middle. He walks toward the footlights and greets the audience.

EMCEE (singing) - WILLKOMMEN, BIENVENUE, WELCOME

FREMDE, ESTRAGER, STRANGER

GLÜCKLICH ZU SEHEN

JE SUIS ENCHANTE

HAPPY TO SEE YOU

BLEIBE, RESTE, STAY

WILLKOMMEN, BIENVENUE, WELCOME

IM CABARET, AU CABARET, TO CABARET

Meine Damen und Herren, - Mesdames et Messieurs - Ladies and Gentlemen! Guten Abend - Bon Soir - Good Evening! Wie geht's - Comment ça va? - Do you feel good? Ich bin euer Confrencier - Je suis vtre compere - I am your host!

(He sings again)

UND SAGE -

WILLKOMMEN, BIENVENUE, WELCOME

IM CABARET, AU CABARET, TO CABARET

Leave your troubles outside! So -  life is disappointing?

Forget it! In here life is beautiful - the girls are beautiful - even the orchestra is beautiful!

(A GIRL ORCHESTRA appears on stage and plays a chorus of "Willkommen")

EMCRR (Cont'd) -  And now - presenting the Cabaret Girls!

(The girls enter. The mirror tilts upward - reflecting the stage rather than the auditorium)

Each and every one a virgin. You don't believe me? Well, don't take my word for it. Go ahead. Ask her! Outside it is winter. But here it is so hot - every night we have the battle to keep the girls from taking off all their clothing. So don't go away. Who knows? Tonight we may lose the battle!

GIRLS (singing) - WIR SAGEN - WILLKOMMEN, BIENVENUE, WELCOME

IM CABARET, AU CABARET, TO CABARET!

EMCEE - And now to serve you -

(WAITERS, BUSBOYS, ENTERTAINERS appear)

GIRLS (singing) - BLEIBE, RESTE, STAY.

ALL (singing) - WILLKOMMEN, BIENVENUE, WELCOME

IM CABARET, AU CABARET, WIR SAGEN (whispered)

WILLKOMMEN, BIENVENUE, WELCOME

FREMDE, ETRANGER, STRANGER

GLÜCKLICH ZU SEHEN

JE SUIS ENCHANTE

EMCEE (spoken) - Enchante, Madam -- Happy to see you, bleibe, reste, stay.

ALL (singing) - WIR SAGEN

WILLKOMMEN, BIENVENUE, WELCOME,

FREMDE, ETRANGER, STRANGER,

GLÜCKLICH ZU SEHEN

JE SUIS ENCHANTE

HAPPY TO SEE YOU

BLEIBE, RESTE, STAY

WILLKOMMEN, BIENVENUE, WELCOME,

IM CABARET, AU CABARET, TO CABARET!

BLACKOUT

ACT ONE - Scene 2

A compartment of European railway train. It appears to be in motion. CLIFFORD BRADSHAW is alone in the compartment - asleep. He is in his late twenties, pleasant looking, intelligent, reserved. His suitcase and portable typewriter are on the rack above his head. ERNST LUDWIG enters. He is German, about thirty, friendly and likeable. He carries a suitcase, a brown leather briefcase and a magazine. He seems rather nervous.

ERNST - Occupied?

(CLIFF opens his eyes and shakes his head)

CLIFF - Please.

(ERNST places his suitcase on the rack over the seat opposite CLIFF. He puts his briefcase on the floor beside his legs as he sits down.)

ERNST - English?

CLIFF - American.

ERNST - German. Berlin. Ernst Ludwig.

(They shake hands)

CLIFF - Clifford Bradshaw. Pennsylvania. Are we slowing down for the German border?

ERNST - Ja.

CLIFF - You've taken this trip before?

ERNST - Many many times. (ERNST shows increasing signs of nervousness) You are a tourist?

CLIFF - No! Not exactly. I'm a writer and I give English lessons. (The train stops. ERNST gets up and surveys the corridor) Would you care for a cigarettte? (There is no answer) Herr Ludwig?

ERNST (absently) Ja?

CLIFF - A cigarette?

ERNST - No. Thank you.

(ERNST suddenly sits down and pretends to be absorbed in a magazine. Two German CUSTOMS OFFICERS enter the compartment).

OFFICER - Deutsche Grenzkontrolle. Ihre Passe bitte.

CLIFF - I beg you pardon?

OFFICER - Your passport, if you please. (CLIFF hands his passport to the OFFICER) Welcome to Germany, Mr Bradshaw. (The OFFICER indicates CLIFF's bags) Yours? (CLIFF nods. The OFFICER puts a Customs mark on his bags without even taking them off the rack. Then he turns to ERNST, who is deep in his magazine) Ihren Pass, bitte. (ERNST hands over his passport) Sie waren geschaftlich in Paris?

ERNST - Nein. Auf einer Urlaubreise.

OFFICER - Offen Sie Ihre Tasche. (ERNST takes down his suitcase and opens it. The OFFICER goes through it. While the OFFICER's back is turned ERNST takes his briefcase off the floor and puts it on the rack over CLIFF's head. CLIFF is surprised, but says nothing. The OFFICER marks ERNST's bag) Haben Sie nur diese eine Tasche?

ERNST - Ja. Das ist alles.

OFFICER (to CLIFF) - I wish you will enjoy your stay in Germany. And a most Happy New Year.

(The OFFICER exits. ERNST, very relieved, retrieves his briefcase)

CLIFF - What's in the bag?

ERNST (too casual) - What? Baubles from Paris: perfume... silk stockings... But more than is permitted. You understand?

CLIFF (nods) - I guess I've done a little smuggling myself.

ERNST (with new vigor) - You are most understanding. I thank you very much. And I would like to see to it that Berlin will open its arms to you! We begin tonight - New Year's Eve - the Kit Kat Klub! The hottest spot in Berlin. Telephones on every table. Girls call you. You call them. Instant connections.

CLIFF (shaking his head) - Thanks - but I've still got to find a room.

ERNST - You have no room! But this is no problem! (He takes out a card and writes on it) I know the finest residence in all Berlin. Just tell Fraulein Schneider that Ernst Ludwig has recommended you.

CLIFF - I can't afford the finest residence in Berlin. I need something inexpensive.

ERNST - But this is inexpensive! Very inexpensive! She has this kind of room and that kind of room. Absolute satisfaction!

CLIFF - I don't care if it's awful - as long as it's cheap.

ERNST - But this is awful. You will love it!

(The train starts again. ERNST hands CLIFF the card. CLIFF reads it)

CLIFF - Fraulein Schneider...

ERNST - You see! You see! You have a new friend - Ernst Ludwig! You have a fine place to live! And you have perhaps even you first English pupil! (He indicates himself. CLIFF is quite surprised) Ja! So welcome to Berlin, my friend. Welcome to Berlin!

(Music starts)

(They shake hands. The train moves upstage and disappears as the EMCEE crosses downstage)

WELCOME TO BERLIN

EMCEE (spoken) - Welcome to Berlin!

(singing) WILLKOMMEN, BIENVENUE, WELCOME

FREMDE, ETRANGER, STRANGER

GLÜCKLICH ZU SEHEN

JE SUIS ENCHANTE

HAPPY TO SEE YOU

BLEIBE, RESTE, STAY!

ACT ONE - Scene 3

A room in FRAULEIN SCHNEIDER's flat. The furnishings are ugly and ponderous: a bed, a table with two chairs, an armoire, and, behind a curtain, a washstand.

As the lights come up, FRAULEIN SCHNEIDER enters. She is about sixty: full of vitality, interested in everything, probably indestructible. She wears a flowered dressing gown and a carpet slippers.

CLIFF follows her, carrying his bags.

FRAULEIN SCHNEIDER - You see! All comforts! And with breakfast only one hundred marks!

CLIFF - It's very nice, Fraulein Schneider. In fact - too nice. You don't have something cheaper?

FRAULEIN SCHNEIDER - But for a friend of Herr Ludwig...

CLIFF - I've very little money.

FRAULEIN SCHNEIDER - But you will give English lessons. Many pupils will come. And they will pay you. And then you will pay me. No?

CLIFF (shaking his head) - Fifty marks. That's my absolute limit. (FRAULEIN SCHNEIDER shrugs her shoulders) If you've anything else... I don't care how small, how far from the bathroom...

FRAULEIN SCHNEIDER - But for a professor - this is more suitable.

CLIFF - I am not a professor. Think of me as a starving author. What do you have for a starving author?

FRAULEIN SCHNEIDER - An author! A poet! You have the look!

CLIFF - A novelist.

FRAULEIN SCHNEIDER - And you will be most famous. There is no doubt. You will have this room. Here is for your clothing. Look - there is even a table for writing. Come...sitz. (She pulls out of the chair at the writing table and invites CLIFF to try it. He does) Good? (CLIFF nods) You need a cushion... (She stuffs a cushion in behind him) Besser? (Then she stands back and admires the scene) A novelist! It is like - years ago - when in all my rooms  - persons of real quality...

CLIFF - But I can still only pay fifty marks.

FRAULEIN SCHNEIDER - This room is worth one hundred. More than one hundred. (She looks at CLIFF hopefully. He shakes his head) Fifty? (CLIFF nods.  FRAULEIN SCHNEIDER suddenly surrenders) Sitz! (She sings)

YOU SAY FIFTY MARKS,

I SAY ONE HUNDRED MARKS;

SO WHAT (spoken freely)

difference of fifty marks,

Why should that stand in our way? As long as the room's to let, the fifty that I will get. Is fifty more that I had yesterday, ja?

FRAULEIN SCHNEIDER (Singing)

WHEN YOU'RE AS OLD AS I -

(Spoken) Is anyone as old as I? What difference does it make? An offer comes, you take.

(Singing) FOR THE SUN WILL RISE AND THE MOON WILL SET,

AND YOU LEARN HOW TO SETTLE FOR WHAT YOU GET.

IT WILL ALL GO ON IF WE0RE HERE OR NOT,

SO WHO CARES? SO WHAT?

SO WHO CARES? SO WHAT?

WHEN I WAS A GIRL MY SUMMERS WERE SPENT BY THE SEA,

SO WHAT?

AND I HAD A MAID DOING ALL OF THE HOUSEWORK, NOT ME,

SO WHAT?

NOW I SCRUB UP THE FLOORS AND I WASH DOWN THE WALLS,

AND I EMPTY THE CHAMBER POT.

IF IT ENDED THAT WAY THEN IT ENDED THAT WAY, AND I SHRUG AND I SAY, SO WHAT?

FOR THE SUN WILL RISE AND THE MOON WILL SET,

AND YOU LEARN HOW TO SETTLE FOR WHAT YOU GET.

IT WILL ALL GO ON IF WE'RE HERE OR NOT,

SO WHO CARES, SO WHAT?

SO WHO CARES, SO WHAT?

WHEN I HAD A MAN, MY FIGURE WAS (BOYISH AND FLAT)

(or: DUMPY AND FAT), SO WHAT?

THROUGH ALL OF OUR YEARS HE WAS SO DISAPPOINTED IN THAT,

SO WHAT?

NOW I HAVE WHAT HE MISSED AND MY (BOSOM IS FULL)

(or: FIGURE IS TRIM),

BUT HE LIES IN A CHURCHYARD PLOT.

IF IT WASN'T TO BE THAT HE EVER WOULD SEE THE (ABUNDANCE OF) (or: UNCORSETED) ME,

SO WHAT?

FOR THE SUM WILL RISE AND MOON WILL SET,

AND YOU LEARN HOW TO SETTLE FOR WHAT YOU GET.

IT WILL ALL GO ON IF WE'RE HERE OR NOT,

SO WHO CARES, SO WHAT?

SO WHO CARES, SO WHAT?

SO ONCE I WAS RICH, AND NOW ALL MY FORTUNE IS GONE,

SO WHAT?

AND LOVE DISAPPEARED AND ONLY THE MEMORY LIVES ON,

SO WHAT?

IF I'VE LIVED THROUGH ALL THAT, AND I'VE LIVED THROUGH ALL THAT,

FIFTY MARKS DOESN'T MEAN A LOT.

IF I LIKE TAHT YOU'RE HERE, AND I LIKE THAT YOU'RE HERE,

HAPPY NEW YEAR, MY DEAR, SO WHAT?

FOR THE SUN WILL RISE AND THE MOON WILL SET,

AND YOU LEARN HOW TO SETTLE FOR WHAT YOU GET.

IT WILL ALL GO ON IF WE'RE HERE OR NOT,

SO WHO CARES...SO WHAT?

SO WHO CARES...SO WHAT?

IT ALL GOES ON,

SO WHO CARES? WHO CARES? WHO CARES? SO WHAT?

(FRAULEIN SCHNEIDER starts checking the room. She takes out a blanket) An additional blanket. the telephone is in the hall. I will bring towels. (There is a knock on the door) Come in! (FRAULEIN KOST enters. She is thirtyish, a large and happy woman who works diligently at her profession).

FRAULEIN KOST - Fraulein Schneider! There you are! There is no hot water in the bathroom! The second time this week!

FRAULEIN SCHNEIDER (To CLIFF) If you will excuse me, Herr Bradshaw.

FRAULEIN KOST (She notes CLIFF and starts giving him the eye) So you have finally rented this room.

FRAULEIN SCHNEIDER - Here is Clifford Bradshaw - the world-famous American novelist.

(FRAULEIN KOST starts towards CLIFF.  FRAULEIN SCHNEIDER steps between them)

CLIFF - How do you do?

FRAULEIN KOST (Flirtatiously) - I am Fraulein Kost. Across the hall... Please feel free at any time...

(A German sailor runs in)

SAILOR (To FRAULEIN KOST) - Schatzi - where are you...?

(FRAULEIN KOST is a little embarassed to have CLIFF see the SAILOR)

FRAULEIN KOST (Making it up quickly) - My nephew! He is visiting me. From Hamburg.

FRAULEIN SCHNEIDER (To FRAULEIN KOST) - Come! We talk outside. We are disturbing Herr Bradshaw. And bring your nephew with you - from Hamburg! (When they are gone, she turns back to CLIFF) My apologies, Herr Bradshaw. I guarantee she will not bother you again.

CLIFF - Bother me?

(There is a knock at the door)

FRAULEIN SCHNEIDER - What is it now?

(HERR SCHULTZ enters. He is in his fifties, very warm and cheerful. He dresses neatly, but it would appear that he needs a woman to tell him what tie goes with what. He is carrying a bottle of schnapps)

SCHULTZ - Fraulein Schneider -

FRAULEIN SCHNEIDER - Ah, Herr Schultz! Is it eleven o'clock? I have been showing Herr Bradshaw his room. Herr Bradshaw - Herr Schultz, who also lives here.

CLIFF - Pleased to meet you.

SCHULTZ - Honored!

FRAULEIN SCHNEIDER - Herr Bradshaw is from America.

SCHULTZ - America! I have a cousin in Buffalo.

FRAULEIN SCHNEIDER - And Herr Schultz is proprietor of the finest fruit market on the Nollendorfplatz.

SCHULTZ - Seville oranges. Delicious.

FRAULEIN SCHNEIDER - I will dress now. (To CLIFF) Herr Schultz had been kind enough to invite me to join him in a glass of schnapps for the New Year.

SCHULTZ - And a little fruit.

FRAULEIN SCHNEIDER - And - after all - why not? Otherwise I am in bed with a hot-water bottle.

SCHULTZ - Perhaps Herr Bradshaw...

CLIFF - No. But thanks for asking.

SCHULTZ - Another time! (SCHULTZ shakes hands with CLIFF) I want to wish you mazel in the New Year.

CLIFF - Mazel?

SCHULTZ - Jewish. It means luck!

CLIFF - Thank you. The same to you.

SCHULTZ - I come to you, Fraulein - in ten minutes - with the schnapps!

FRAULEIN SCHNEIDER - And the fruit! (HERR SCHULTZ exits. FRAULEIN SCHNEIDER turns to CLIFF) And now - please - anything you require - knock on my door. Day, night. Also - welcome to Berlin! (She exits)

(Music starts)

CLIFF - Welcome to Berlin - famous novelist. (He puts his typewriter on the table) Open the Remington...

(A beautiful GIRL appears, sitting at a cafe table. She is singing into a telephone. She does not look at CLIFF)

GIRL - Hello? Hello?

(CLIFF is unaware of the GIRL. He looks gloomily at the typewriter)

CLIFF - That's what you came here for?

TELEPHONE SONG

GIRL (singing)

SITTING ALL ALONE LIKE THAT,

YOU HAPPENED TO CATCH MY EYE.

WOULD YOU LIKE TO BUY A GIRL A DRINK?

(CLIFF opens the typewriter half-heartedly)

CLIFF (spoken) - Welcome to Berlin - famous novelist...

GIRL (spoken) - Ja? You would? Come on over!

(CLIFF closes the tpewriter, takes his coat, and exits out the door)

(Music continues for scene change)

ACT ONE - Scene 4 & 5

The GIRL is sitting in the middle of the Kit Kat Klub, an establishment in which all the tables have telephones on them so that guests can call each other. At the moment, the Klub is packed. It is New Year's Eve, 1930.

CLIFF enters the Klub and is seated at a table. The EMCEE appears; there is a fanfare from the GIRL ORCHESTRA.

(Music stops)

EMCEE - Meine Damen und Herren - Mesdames et Messieurs - Ladies and Gentlemen - And now the Kit Kat Klub is proud to present a beautiful young lady from England. She is so beautiful, so talented, so charming that I have asked her to marry me. And now there is only one thing standing in our way: my wife! (He pantomimes cutting his throat. A few members of the audience laugh) I give you: the toast of Mayfair - Fraulein Sally Bowles!

(Sally Bowles enters. She is in her early twenties, rather pretty, rather sophisticated, rather child-like, exasperating and irresistible)

DON'T TELL MAMA

SALLY (singing)

MAMA THINKS I'M LIVING IN A CONVENT,

A SECLUDED LITTLE CONVENT

IN THE SOUTHERN PART OF FRANCE.

MAMA DOESN'T EVEN HAVE AN INKLING

THAT I'M WORKING IN A NIGHTCLUB

IN A PAIR OF LACEY PANTS.

SO PLEASE, SIR, IF YOU RUN INTO MY MAMA,

DON'T REVEAL MY INDISCRETION -

GIVE A WORKING GIRL A CHANCE.

HUSH UP, DON'T TELL MAMA,

SHUSH UP, DON'T TELL MAMA,

DON'T TELL MAMA WHATEVER YOU DO.

IF YOU HAD A SECRET,

YOU BET I WOULD KEEP IT.

I WOULD NEVER TELL ON YOU.

I'M BREAKING EVERY PROMISE THAT I GAVE HER,

SO WON'T YOU KINDLY DO A GIRL A GREAT BIG FAVOR?

AND PLEASE, MY SWEET PATATER,

KEEP THIS FROM THE MATER,

THOUGH MY DANCE IS NOT AGAINST THE LAW.

YOU CAN TELL MY PAPA, THAT'S ALL RIGHT,

'CAUSE HE COMES IN HERE EVERY NIGHT,

BUT DON'T TELL MAMA WHAT YOU SAW!

(The CABARET GIRLS appear)

GIRLS (singing)

MAMA THINKS I'M ON A TOUR OF EUROPE

WITH A COUPLE OF MY SCHOOL-CHUMS

AND A LADY CHAPERONE.

MAMA DOESN'T EVEN HAVE AN INKLING

THAT I LEFT THEM ALL IN ANTWERP

AND I'M TOURING ON MY OWN

SO PLEASE, SIR, IF YOU RUN INTO MY MAMA,

DON'T REVEAL MY INDISCRETION -

SALLY - JUST LEAVE WELL ENOUGH ALONE

GIRLS - HUSH UP -

SALLY - DON'T TELL MAMA

GIRLS - SHUSH UP -

SALLY - DON'T TELL MAMA

GIRLS - DON'T TELL MAMA WHATEVER YOU DO.

SALLY - IF YOU HAD A SECRET, YOU BET I COULD KEEP IT.

GIRLS - I WOULD NEVER TELL ON YOU. YOU WOULDN'T WANT TO GET ME IN A PICKLE,

SALLY - AND HAVE HER GO AND CUT ME OFF WITHOUT A NICKEL,

SALL & GIRLS - SO LET'S TRUST ONE ANOTHER. KEEP THIS FROM MY MOTHER, THOUGH I'M STILL AS PURE AS MOUTAIN SNOW.

SALLY - YOU CAN TELL MY UNCLE, HERE AND NOW, 'CAUSE HE'S MY AGENT ANYHOW.

GIRLS - BUT DON'T TELL MAMA WHAT YOU KNOW.

SALLY - YOU CAN TELL MY GRANDMA, SUITS ME FINE, JUST YESTERDAY SHE JOINED THE LINE.

GIRLS - BUT DON'T TELL MAMA WHAT YOU KNOW. YOU CAN TELL MY BROTHER, THAT AIN'T GRIM, 'CAUSE IF HE SQUEALS ON ME, I'LL SQUEAL ON HIM. BUT DON'T TELL MAMA, BITTE, DON'T TELL MAMA, PLEASE, SIR, DON'T TELL MAMA WHAT YOU KNOW! SSSH! SSSH!

SALLY - IF YOU SEE MY MUMMY, MUM'S THE WORD!

(During this number SALLY has gradually become aware of CLIFF. She has sung to him, almost as if he were the only one in the audience. At the end of the number SALLY and the GIRLS dance off)

(After applause music segues to next number)

DON'T TELL MAMA - STAGE BAND

(SALLY reappears soon afterward. CLIFF watches her intently as she goes to a "Reserved" table for two. She sits there alone for a moment. Then she picks up the phone)

(Music continues under dialogue)

SALLY - Table number three.

(The phone on CLIFF's table lights up)

CLIFF (into the phone) - Hello?

SALLY (Into the phone) - You're English!

CLIFF - I wish I were.

SALLY - American?

CLIFF - I'm sorry.

SALLY - But you speak English! You speak it beautifully! Will you just - keep talking - please? You can't imagine how starved I've been!

CLIFF - Okay. Let me think. (He recites)

The sea is calm tonight.

The tide is full, the moon lies fair

Upon the straits: - on the French coast the light

Gleams and is gone; the cliffs of England stand,

Glimmering and vast, out in the tranquil bay.

Come to the window, sweet is the night air!

SALLY - Yes - yes - don't stop - please!

CLIFF - I'm afraid that's all I know. My name is Cliff Bradshaw. I come from Harrysburg, Pennsylvania. You know where that is?

SALLY - Such a beautiful language.

CLIFF - Well, it's ninety miles west of Philadelphia. May I come to your table?

SALLY - It's like music! (Pause) Why did you stop?

CLIFF - I asked you a question. I'd like to join you at your table.

SALLY - Oh. I see. Well - I'm not absolutely sure that's possible - at this time. (A man, rather middle-aged and quite Germanic-looking, walks up to SALLY's table and sits down next to her. He looks rather irritated with her) As a matter of fact, I rather doubt it. (The man snatches the phone out of SALLY's hand and hangs it up. There is fanfare from the orchestra. The EMCEE appears, dressed as Father Time)

EMCEE - Meine Damen und Herren, Mesdames et Messierurs, Ladies and Gentlemen. It is almost midnight! Husbands, you have only ten seconds in which to lose your wives! Five - four - three - two - Happy New Year!

(Then the stage goes black. In the darkness, there is enormous jubilation. The EMCEE changes into Infant New Year, 1930. Then a match is lit in the darkness. It is SALLY lighting a cigarette in a long, long cigarette holder. She is sitting at CLIFF's table)

(Music continues under dialogue until cut)

SALLY - Would you recite that again - about the coast of England?

CLIFF - The sea is calm tonight, the tide is full - (He has a better idea. He kisses her) Happy New Year.

SALLY - I'm Sally Bowles. Are you new in Berlin?

CLIFF - Yes, I've only been here three hours.

(The man who was sitting with SALLY has risen and is heading toward CLIFF's table. As he approaches, CLIFF sees him and starts to get up politely. SALLY puts her hand on CLIFF's arm, indicating that he should keep seated. SALLY glances briefly at the man - as if challenging him. The man hesitates for a moment. Then he goes away. SALLY turnes back to CLIFF)

SALLY - Three hours! And how long are you planning to stay?

CLIFF (Shrugs his shoulders) I'm working on a novel. I'll stay till it's finished.

SALLY (Impressed) You're a writer! Would I know your books?

CLIFF - It's highly unlikely. Anyway, it'sbook - singular.

SALLY - Was it a huge success?

CLIFF - They said it showed promise.

SALLY - Promise?

CLIFF (He puts his arm around her) Let's talk about Sally Bowles. What part of England are you from? (No answer) London? (No answer) Stratford-on-Avon? (No answer) Stonehenge?

SALLY - Oh, Cliff, you mustn't ever ask me questions. If I want to tell you anything, I will. Why did you  come to Berlin to do your novel?

CLIFF - I'd already tried London, Rome, Venice...

SALLY - Just looking for a place to write?

CLIFF - Something to write about.

SALLY - Where are you staying?

(CLIFF shows her the card ERNST gave him)

CLIFF - And you, where do you live? A hotel?

SALLY - No. Not really. It's more of a flat - actually.

CLIFF - You live alone? (SALLY shakes her head) You think your roommate would mind if I came up for just a few minutes?

SALLY - I'm afraid so. You see, Max is most terribly jealous.

CLIFF - Max? (SALLY nods again) Your husband?

SALLY - Oh, no! He's just the man I'm living with - (CLIFF looks a little surprised) this week. (She studies his face) I say - am I shocking you - talking like this?

CLIFF (Mocking) - I say, are you trying to shock me?

SALLY - Trying to...? (But she likes him for having seen through her) You're quite right, you know. (She kisses him; the EMCEE appears and signals to her. She rises) Good luck with your writing! (And she is gone. CLIFF's phone lights up)

TELEPHONE DANCE

CLIFF - Hello?

GIRL ON PHONE (Singing) - HELLO. SITTING ALONE LIKE THAT, YOU HAPPENED TO CARCH MY EYE. WOULD YOU LIKE TO BUY A GIRL A DRINK?

CLIFF - Sorry.

GIRL ON PHONE - ACH! GOODBYE.

(CLIFF exits)

FIRST BOY (Into phone) - HELLO.

SECOND GIRL (Into phone) - HELLO - TABLE FOUR IS CALLING NUMBER NINE. HOW ARE YOU, MISTER?

FIRST BOY - DANKE - FINE.

SECOND GIRL - SITTING ALL ALONE LIKE THAT, YOU HAPPENED TO CATCH MY EYE. WOULD YOU LIKE TO GIVE A GIRL A DRINK?

FIRST BOY - YAH - WHY NOT?

SECOND GIRL - GOODBYE!

(They dance)

SECOND BOY (Into phone) - HELLO.

THIRD GIRL (Into phone) - HELLO.

THIRD BOY (Into phone) - HELLO.

FOURTH GIRL (Into phone) - HELLO. THIRD AND FOURTH GIRL TABLE SEVEN CALLING NUMBER THREE. HOW ARE YOU, HANDSOME?

SECOND & THIRD BOY - YOU MEAN ME?

THIRD & FOURTH GIRL - WE CAN SEE YOU - CAN YOU SEE US? WOULD YOU LIKE TO HAVE A DANCE THE MINUTE THAT THE MUSIC'S HOT? MAYBE WE CAN TALK IT OVER, JA?

THIRD BOY - JA!

SECOND BOY - OF COURSE!

SECOND & THIRD BOY - WHY NOT!

(Both couples dance)

FOURTH & FIFTH BOY (Into phone) - ALONE - ALONE / YOU SHOULDN'T SIT ALONE LIKE THAT / ALONE - ALONE / NOT A NIGHT LIKE THIS.

ALL - ALONE - ALONE / YOU SHOULDN'T SIT ALONE LIKE THAT / ALONE - ALONE / NOT ON A NIGHT LIKE THIS.

(They dance, and from different parts of the stage - right, center, left - the dancers alternately say "Hello")

ALL - SITTING ALL ALONE LIKE THAT, YOU HAPPENED TO CATCH MY EYE.

GIRLS - WOULD YOU LIKE TO BUY A GIRL A DRINK?

BOYS - WOULD YOU LIKE TO BUY A MAN A DRINK?

ALL - WOULD YOU LIKE TO BUY A BOY A DRINK?

(They dance, and from different parts of the stage - right, center, left - the dancers alternately say, "You will", "Why not?" "Goodbye")

ALL - JA!

BLACKOUT

(Music segues)

TELEPHONE CROSSOVER

ACT ONE - Scene 6

CLIFF's room. ERNST is referring to a dictionary. CLIFF watches him.

ERNST - You know what is the trouble with English? It is not like German. It is not an exact language. Or one must memorize fifty thousand words or one cannot speak it correctly.

CLIFF - Either one must memorize - or one cannot speak...

ERNST - Aha! Either - or - (ERNST happily makes a notation in his notebook, then closes it and stands up) The time is now finished.

CLIFF - I'm in no hurry.

ERNST - But the lesson is one hour. No? Another pupil is waiting.

CLIFF - What other pupil?

ERNST - No other pupil? (CLIFF shakes his head) Then I make a suggestion! I will telephone my lady friend. She will bring a friend for you. Elsa! A genuine flapper.

CLIFF - Not tonight, Ernst.

ERNST - But you have not seen this Elsa! Hot stuff, believe me! In one minute, I guarantee, you are making a pass after her.

CLIFF - A pass at her.

ERNST - Aha!! A pass at her!

CLIFF - The trouble is, I've got a date tonight. (He indicates the typewriter)

ERNST - A typewriter? But what can one do with a typewriter?

CLIFF - Ntot very much - lately.

ERNST - Then come with me! We make a large whoopee!

CLIFF (Shakes his head) - For one thing, I've got a budget. And it only allows for a very small whoopee. Unfortunately.

ERNST - Then you are my guest!

CLIFF - Thanks, but... (He shakes his head negatively)

ERNST - It is difficult, you know - adjusting to the ide of a poor American. But I tell you a secret. There is no need for this - poverty. Ja! If you are willing, I show you a most excellent way to supplement your income.

CLIFF - Doing what?

ERNST - Oh - by taking very brief trips - to Paris! Perhaps a few days each time. Nothing more. But it will pay you well, extremely well.

(There is a knock at the door)

CLIFF - Come in.

(FRAULEIN SCHNEIDER enters. She wears her flowered dressing gown. She is quite excited.)

FRAULEIN SCHNEIDER - Herr Bradshaw, there is a young lady to see you! A young lady in a fur coat!

CLIFF - A young lady?

FRAULEIN SCHNEIDER - Fraulein Bowles...?

CLIFF - Bowles? (FRAULEIN SCHNEIDER nods) Ask her to come in.

(FRAULEIN SCHNEIDER exits)

ERNST - You are old friends - you and Fraulein Bowles? From London, perhaps...?

CLIFF - From the Kit Kat Klub. Last night.

ERNST - Last night! You are some snappy operator!

(SALLY enters wearing a fur coat, smoking a cigarette in a cigarette holder. FRAULEIN SCHNEIDER follows her)

SALLY - Cliff!! (She kisses CLIFF) Ernst, darling! (She kisses ERNST. To CLIFF) Will you be a dear and get my bag?(She surveys the room approvingly) It's lovely, Fraulein Schneider! All these wonderful old pieces! (CLIFF enters with her bag. To CLIFF) Just put it anywhere. I'll unpack later.

FRAULEIN SCHNEIDER - Unpack? But Herr Bradshaw did not mention...

SALLY - I'll just be here temporarily.

FRAULEIN SCHNEIDER - But I am sorry. This is not possible.

SALLY (To CLIFF) How much are you paying?

CLIFF - Fifty marks.

SALLY (To FRAULEIN SCHNEIDER) Sixt marks?

FRAULEIN SCHNEIDER(Shaking her head) It is not the money -

SALLY - Seventy?

FRAULEIN SCHNEIDER - I cannot permit -

SALLY - Eighty?

(FRAULEIN SCHNEIDER mulls this over for a moment. Se is very, very tempted)

FRAULEIN SCHNEIDER - But this room is worth one hundred marks. More than one hundred.

SALLY - Eighty.

FRAULEIN SCHNEIDER - Eighty-five! (They shake hands) And now - please make yourself cozy - Mrs Bradshaw.

(FRAULEIN SCHNEIDER exits. ERNST looks at his watch.)

ERNST (To CLIFF) Such a to-do! I will see you Friday for the next lesson. But I tell you something: I think I am taking from you thewrong kind of lessons.

(ERNST exits. SALLY, still in her fur coat, collapses onto the bed)

CLIFF - Sally, now what's this all about?

SALLY - Did you guess I was terrified?

CLIFF - Were you?

SALLY - What if you'd - throw me out? Can you imagine how that would feel - being thrown out twice in one day?

CLIFF - You mean - Max...?

SALLY - Dear Max. And you know whose fault if was?(She points at CLIFF) If you hadn't come to the Kit Kat Klub - and been so dreadfully attractive - and recited poetry - (She suddenly sits up) You know what I'd love? A spot of gin.

CLIFF - Gin?

SALLY - You've got some? I mean - I think one must.

CLIFF - No, I don't have any...

SALLY - Oh, well, Prairie Oysters, then.

CLIFF - Prairie Oysters?

SALLY - I practically live on them. It's just a raw egg whooshed around in some Worcestershire sauce. It's heaven for a hangover.

CLIFF - I haven't got a hangover. (SALLY takes eggs, salt, pepper and Worcestershire sauce out of her coat pocket. CLIFF watches her.)That's quite a coat.

SALLY - It should be, It cost me alla I had. Little did I dream how soon I'd be unemployed.

CLIFF - What about your job at the Klub?

SALLY - Well, it's rather complicated. You see, one of the owners of the Klub...

CLIFF - Dear Max?

SALLY - You're divine intuitive! I do hopw I'm not going to fall madly in love with you, Are you in the theatre in any way? (CLIFF shakes his head) Then you're safe - more or less. Though I do believe a woman can't be a truly great actress till she's had several passionate affairs - and had her heart broken. (Manufacturing the Prairie Oysters, SALLY breaks the eggs on this line) I should have let Ernst pay my cab fare. He's got all that money from Paris.

CLIFF - From Paris?

SALLY - He smuggles it in for some political party.

CLIFF - Ernst is in politics?

SALLY - You didn't know? He goes to Paris about once a month and brings back pots of money.

CLIFF - He has to smuggle it in?

SALLY - It's terribly dangerous. But Ernst is so resourceful. He's discovered the Customs people almost never open the bags of non-Germans. So, just before the border, he finds some innocent-looking Englishman - or American... (She completes the Paririe Oysters)

CLIFF - It's hard to imagine an American that gullible.

(Sally hands him his drink. She toasts)

SALLY - Hals and beinbruch. It means neck and leg break. It's supposed to stop it happening. Though I doubt it does.

CLIFF (toasting) - Look - it's about time we -

SALLY - Drink! (Sally drinks her Prairie Oyster. Then CLIFF sips his)

CLIFF - It's amazing! You know what this tastes like? Peppermint!

SALLY - Oh - well, it's your toothbruch glass. I should have rinsed it. (Sally wanders over to the writing table. She picks up a book) This is your novel! (She opens it) It's in German! (She looks at the cover) Mein Kampf?

CLIFF - It's not my novel. I thought I should know something about German politics.

SALLY - Why? You're an American! You know, I've never known a novelist. Will I be allowed to watch you work? I promise to be incredibly quiet...

CLIFF - I don't think I can write with someone else - on the premises.

SALLY - But I'm hardly noticeable - really. (imploring) I'll go out when you're writing - take a long invigorating walks!

CLIFF - In the middle of the night? And there's another thing: I'm not a prude. At least, I don't think I'm a prude. No - no - I've got work to do. I culd never explain this arrangement. It's too peculiar.

SALLY - Peculiar? No, not in the least!

PERFECTLY MARVELOUS

(Spoken, but the music is playing)

I THINK PEOPLE ARE PEOPLE. I REALLY DO, CLIFF, DON'T YOU?

I DON'T THINK THEY SHOULD BE MADE TO APOLOGIZE FOR ANYTHING THEY DO.

FOR EXAMPLE, IF I PAINT MY FINGERNAILS GREEN -

AND IT HAPPENS I DO PAINT THEM GREEN -

WELL, IF SOMEONE SHOULD ASK ME WHY,

I THINK IT'S PRETTY.

I THINK IT'S PRETTY, THAT'S WHAT I REPLY.

SO, IF ANYONE SHOULD ASK ABOT YOU AND ME ONE DAY,

YOU HAVE TO ALTERNATIVES:

YOU CAN EITHER SAY: "YES, IT'S TRUE WE'RE LIVING IN DELICIOUS SIN,"

OR YOU CAN SIMPLY TELL THEM THE TRUTH, AND SAY...

(SALLY sings)

I MET THIS PERFECTLY MARVELOUS GIRL

IN THIS PERFECTLY WONDERFUL PLACE

AS I LIFTED A GLASS TO THE START OF A MARVELOUS YEAR.

BEFORE YOU KNEW IT SHE CALLED ON THE PHONE, INVITING.

NEXT MOMENT I WAS NO LONGER ALONE,

BUT SAT RECITING SOME PERFECTLY BEAUTIFUL VERSE

IN MY CHARMING AMERICAN STYLE.

HOW I DAZZLED HER SENSES WAS TRULY NO LESS THAN A CRIME.

NOW I'VE THIS PERFECTLY MARVELOUS GIRL

IN MY PERFECTLY BEAUTIFUL ROOM,

AND WE'RE LIVING TOGETHER AND HAVING A MARVELOUS TIME.

CLIFF - Sally, I'm afraid it wouldn't work. You're much too distracting.

SALLY - Distracting? No, inspiring!(She sings)

SHE TELLS ME PERFECTLY MARVELOUS TALES

OF HER THRILLINGLY SCANDALOUS LIFE

WHICH I'LL PROBABLY USE AS A CHAPTER OR TWO IN MY BOOK.

AND SINCE MY STAY IN BERLIN WAS TO FORCE CREATION,

WHAT LUCK TO FALL ON A FABULOUS SOURCE OF STIMULATION.

AND PERFECTLY MARVELOUS TOO

IS HER PERFECT AGREEMENT TO BE

JUST AS STILL AS A MOUSE WHEN I'M GIVING MY NOVEL A WHIRL.

YES, I'VE A HIGHLY AGREEABLE LIFE

IN MY PERFECTLY BEAUTIFUL ROOM,

WITH MY NEARLY INVISIBLE,

PERFECTLY MARVELOUS GIRL.

(There is a noise at the door)

Oh, it's the taxi man!

(The door bursts open, and there is the taxi man with a mountain of luggage)

Hello, taxi man. Just put them anywhere. I'll unpack later. (CLIFF, a little dazed, points to all the baggage) Things do accumulate. I'll throw most of it away - tomorrow! I promise!

(CLIFF helps the taxi man bring in the bags. SALLY starts counting the pieces)

One - two - three - four - five - (She gives uo) There's really not much point in counting. I never remember how many they're supposed to be. (to CLIFF) Can you let me have three marks? That includes the tip. (CLIFF hands her a bill) Thank you. (SALLY hands the bill to the taxi man, who tips his cap and exits. There is a pause) So, quite seriously, Cliff - please may I stay?

CLIFF - Sally, I can't afford -

SALLY - Only for a day or two - please?

CLIFF (singing) - I MET THIS TRULY REMARKABLE GIRL, IN THIS REALLY INCREDIBLE TOWN,  AND SHE'S SKILLFULLY MANAGED TO TALK HER WAY INTO MY ROOM.

SALLY - Oh, Cliff!

CLIFF - I HAVE  A TERRIBLE FEELING I'VE SAID A DUMB THING; BESIDES, I'VE ONLY GOT ONE NARROW BED.

SALLY - WE'LL THINK OF SOMETHING.

CLIFF - AND NOW THIS WILD, UNPREDICTABLE GIRL.

SALLY - AND THIS PERFECTLY BEAUTIFUL MAN.

BOTH - WILL BE LIVING TOGETHER AND HAVING MARVELOUS TIME.

They are in each other's arms as the lights fade)

ACT ONE - Scene 7

The EMCEE appears followed by two sexy LADIES.

EMCEE - Everybody in Berlin has a perfectly marvelous roommate. Some people have two people!

TWO LADIES

FIRST LADY (singing) - BEEDLE-DEE-DEEDLE-DEE-DEE!

SECOND LADY - BEEDLE-DEE-DEEDLE-DEE-DEE!

EMCEE - BEEDLE-DEE-DEEDLE-DEE, BEEDLE-DEE-DEEDLE-DEE-DEE!

LADIES - BEEDLE-DEE-DEEDLE-DEE-DEE

EMCEE - TWO LADIES

LADIES - BEEDLE-DEE-DEEDLE-DEE-DEE

EMCEE - TWO LADIES

LADIES - BEEDLE-DEE-DEEDLE-DEE-DEE

EMCEE - TWO LADIES

LADIES - BEEDLE-DEE-DEEDLE-DEE-DEE

EMCEE - AND I'M THE ONLY MAN, JA!

LADIES - BEEDLE-DEE-DEEDLE-DEE-DEE

EMCEE - I LIKE IT

LADIES - BEEDLE-DEE-DEEDLE-DEE-DEE

EMCEE - THEY LIKE IT

LADIES - BEEDLE-DEE-DEEDLE-DEE-DEE

EMCEE - THIS TWO FOR ONE, BEEDLE-DEE-DEEDLE-DEE

LADIES - TWO LADIES

EMCEE - BEEDLE-DEE-DEEDLE-DEE-DEE

LADIES - TWO LADIES

EMCEE - BEEDLE-DEE-DEEDLE-DEE-DEE

LADIES - AND HE'S THE ONLY MAN!

EMCEE - JA!

ALL - BEEDLE-DEE-DEEDLE-DEE-DEE

FIRST LADY - HE LIKES IT

EMCEE -BEEDLE-DEE-DEEDLE-DEE-DEE

SECOND LADY - WE LIKE IT

EMCEE - BEEDLE-DEE-DEEDLE-DEE-DEE

FIRST LADY - I DO THE COOKING

SECOND LADY - AND I MAKE THE BED.

EMCEE - I GO OUT DAILY TO EARN OUR DAILY BREAD. BUT WE'VE ONE THING IN COMMON -

FIRST LADY - HE!

EMCEE - SHE

SECOND LADY - AND ME!

FIRST LADY - THE KEY!

EMCEE - BEEDLE-DEE-DEE,

SECOND LADY - THE KEY!

EMCEE - BEEDLE-DEE-DEE, THE KEY!

LADIES - BEEDLE-DEE-DEEDLE-DEE-DEE-DEE!

(They dance)

EMCEE - WE SWITCH PARTNERS DAILY TO PLAY AS WE PLEASE.

LADIES - TWOSIE BEATS ONESIE, BUT NOTHING BEATS THREES.

EMCEE - I SLEEP IN THE MIDDLE.

FIRST LADY - I'M LEFT.

SECOND LADY - I'M RIGHT.

EMCEE - BUT THERE'S ROOM ON THE BOTTOM IF YOU DROP IN SOME NIGHT.

LADIES - BEEDLE-DEE-DEE-DEE-DEE,

EMCEE - TWO LADIES, BEEDLE-DEE-DEE-DEE-DEE,

LADIES - TWO LADIES, BEEDLE-DEE-DEE-DEE-DEE AND HE'S THE ONLY MAN,

ALL - JA! BEEDLE-DEE-DEE-DEE-DEE,

EMCEE - I LIKE IT.

LADIES - BEEDLE-DEE-DEE-DEE-DEE,

EMCEE - THEY LIKE IT.

LADIES - BEEDLE-DEE-DEE-DEE-DEE,

ALL - THIS TWO FOR ONE. BEEDLE-DEE-DEEDLE-DEE-DEEDLE-DEE-DEEDLE-DEE-DEE!

(They exit)

(Music play off)

BLACKOUT

ACT ONE - Scene 8

FRAULEIN SCHNEIDER's living room. It is dominated by a large sofa which nestles between two hideous end tables. an old gramophone lurks in the background.

Doors lead from the living room to the rooms of FRAULEIN KOST and HERR SCHULTZ  - also to the bedroom of FRAULEIN SCHNEIDER. A large double door leads outside. A hall-way extends offstage, leading to still more rooms.

As the lights come up FRAULEIN KOST is entering through the double door with a GERMAN SAILOR. He pinches her. She screams. And FRAULEIN SCHNEIDER zooms out of her room to accost them.

FRAULEIN SCHNEIDER - That sailor! Out of my house!

FRAULEIN KOST - That sailor - dear lady - is my brother!

FRAULEIN SCHNEIDER - Out! Out! Out!

(The GERMAN SAILOR exits through the double door)

FRAULEIN KOST - Wait! Wait! How dare you! You think it is easy - finding a sailor? This was only my second one since New Year's. And what is it now? April!

FRAULEIN SCHNEIDER - Your second? Your second? You think I do not know what goes on here? Sailors - all the time. In - out - in - out! God only knows what the neighbors must think I have hre - a battleship?(Outraged) Fraulein Kost, I give you warning! One sailor more - I call the police!

FRAULEIN KOST - And if I cannot pay the rent?

FRAULEIN SCHNEIDER - The rent is due each Friday - as always.

FRAULEIN KOST - No sailors. No rent. I move.

FRAULEIN SCHNEIDER - Move?

FRAULEIN KOST - Move!

FRAULEIN SCHNEIDER (Upset) - And what am I supposed to do with your room? Out of the blue - she tells me "I move"! Is that gratitude? Only last week I gave you another new mattress!

FRAULEIN KOST - All right! I will leave the end of the week - since you insist.

FRAULEIN SCHNEIDER - I insist? You insist!

FRAULEIN KOST - And what about the sailors?

FRAULEIN SCHNEIDER - The sailors= (She mulls it over and reaches a decision) Fraulein Kost - if you wish to continue living here, do noy le me catch you bringing in any more sailors? You understand?

FRAULEIN KOST (Haughtily) - Very well. So it is the same as always. (She goes into her room and closes the door)

FRAULEIN SCHNEIDER - It is not the same as always! (She knocks on FRAULEIN KOST's door) Fraulein Kost! You hear me? I have put my foot down! (She knocks again) Fraulein Kost! Fraulein Kost!

(Meanwhile, HERR SCHULTZ has emerged from his room, wearing his best suit and carrying a brown paper bag)

SCHULTZ - Fraulein Schneider - Good evening!

(FRAULEIN SCHNEIDER sees HERR SCHULTZ. She quickly and adroitly switches from AC to DC)

FRAULEIN SCHNEIDER - Herr Schultz! Such a surprise!

SCHULTZ - You are occupied?

FRAULEIN SCHNEIDER - No. No. Free as a bird. Please forgive my appearance. (She indicates her dress. If necessary, she could wear it to the opera - and she knows it)

SCHULTZ - But it is most becoming.

FRAULEIN SCHNEIDER - Thank you.

SCHULTZ (Indicating the paper bag) - I have brought you a little something from the shop.

FRAULEIN SCHNEIDER - Another little something?

(HERR SCHUTZ  hands her the bag)

SCHULTZ - With my compliments.

(FRAULEIN SCHNEIDER  feels the bag)

FRAULEIN SCHNEIDER - So heavy! But what can it be? Pears?(She shakes her head merrily) Last Wednesday you brought me pears. And such pears! Apples, possibly?(She rejects the idea) Friday was apples.

SCHULTZ (Nods) - Friday was apples.

FRAULEIN SCHNEIDER - So I cannot guess...

SCHULTZ - Then open it.

(Music starts)

(FRAULEIN SCHNEIDER peers into the bag)

FRAULEIN SCHNEIDER - Herr Schultz! Can I believe what I see?(HERR SCHUTZ nods proudly) But this is - - too much to accept. So rare - so costly - so luxurious.

(She sings)

IT COULD'T PLEASE ME MORE

IF YOU BOUGHT ME DIAMONDS,

IF YOU BOUGHT ME PEARLS,

IF YOU BOUGHT ME ROSES LIKE SOME OTHER GENTS

MIGHT BRING TO OTHER GIRLS,

IT COULDN'T PLEASE ME MORE

THAN THE GIFT I SEE - (She takes a large pineapple out of the bag)

A PINEAPPLE FOR ME!

SCHULTZ (Singing) - IF, IN YOUR EMOTION,

YOU BEGAN TO SWAY,

WENT TO GET SOME AIR,

OR GRABBED A CHAIR

TO KEEP FROM FAINTING DEAD AWAY,

IT COULDN'T PLEASE ME MORE

THAN TO SEE YOU CLING

TO THE PINEAPPLE I BRING.

BOTH - AH, AH, AH, AH, AH, AH

FRAULEIN SCHNEIDER - I CAN HEAR HAWAIIAN BREEZES BLOW.

BOTH - AH, AH, AH, AH, AH, AH

SCHULTZ - IT'S FROM CALIFORNIA.

FRAULEIN SCHNEIDER - EVEN SO, HOW AM I TO THANK YOU?

SCHULTZ - KINDLY LET IT PASS.

FRAULEIN SCHNEIDER - WOULD YOU LIKE A SLICE?

SCHULTZ - THAT MIGHT BE NICE, BUT FRANKLY, IT WOULD GIVE ME GAS.

FRAULEIN SCHNEIDER - THEN WE SHALL LEAVE IT HERE - NOT TO EAT, BUT SEE.

BOTH - A PINEAPPLE.

FRAULEIN SCHNEIDER - FOR ME!

SCHULTZ - FROM ME!

BOTH - AH, AH, AH, AH, AH, AH! AH, AH, AH, AH, AH, AH!

(They dance)

(Music continues under)

FRAULEIN SCHNEIDER - But you must not bring me any more pineapples! Do you hear? It is not proper. It is a gift a young man would present to his lady love. It makes me blush!

SCHULTZ - But there is no one - no one in all Berlin - who is more deserving! If I could, I would fill your entire room with pineapples!

(FRAULEIN SCHNEIDER is quite surprised by this. HERR SCHULTZ is even more surprised. He had no idea he was going to say it)

BOTH (Singing) - A PINEAPPLE...

SCHULTZ - FOR YOU!

FRAULEIN SCHNEIDER - FROM YOU!

BOTH - AH, AH, AH, AH, AH, AH! AH, AH, AH, AH, AH, AH!

(The music continues)

FRAULEIN SCHNEIDER - I think I will lie down for a few minutes. My head is spinning.

SCHULTZ - Good evening Fraulein.

FRAULEIN SCHNEIDER - Good evening, Herr Schulz. (They shake hands. FRAULEIN SCHNEIDER opens her bedroom door, then turns to HERR SCHULTZ) I am - overwhelmed!

(She goes in and closes the door. The music ends. HERR SCHULTZ is all atingle. He makes a decision. He is about to knock on FRAULEIN SCHNEIDER's door when suddenly he hears a sound. He jumps back from the door. He kneels down as if looking for something. FRAULEIN KOST opens her door and comes out. She wonders why HERR SCHULTZ is so far from his own door).

FRAULEIN KOST - Good evening, Herr Schultz.

HERR SCHULTZ - Good evening, Fraulein Kost. I am looking for - I think I dropped - a small coin - a groschen. It rolled this way.

FRAULEIN KOST - You're looking for a groschen? (Meaningfully) I'm looking for two marks.

(FRAULEIN KOST exits. HERR SCHULTZ goes again to FRAULEIN SCHNEIDER's door. He knocks. Immediately the door swings open. He swiftly enters. The door closes)

BLACKOUT

ACT ONE - Scene 9

A group of WAITERS are seen on the spiral staicase. They are handsome, well-scrubbed, idealistic. The EMCEE is seated stage right.

TOMORROW BELONGS TO ME

WAITERS (singing) -

THE SUN ON THE MEADOW IS SUMMERY WARM,

THE STAG IN THE FOREST RUNS FREE,

BUT GATHER TOGETHER SO GREET THE STORM,

TOMORROW BELONGS TO ME.

THE BRANCH OF THE LINDEN IS LEAFY AND GREEM

THE RHINE GIVES ITS GOLD TO THE SEA, TO THE SEA,

BUT SOMEWHERE A GLORY AWAITS UNSEEN,

TOMORROW BELONGS TO ME.

(The EMCEE joins the WAITERS in song)

OH, FATHERLAND, FATHERLAND, SHOW US THE SIGN

YOUR CHILDREN HAVE WAITED TO SEE.

THE MORNING WILL COME WHEN THE WORLD IS MINE,

TOMORROW BELONGS TO ME.

The WAITERS disappear upstage, leaving a leering EMCEE alone as the lights dim)

CHANGE OF SCENE (DON'T TELL MAMA)

ACT ONE - Scene 10

CLIFF's room. SALLY's things are everywhere - on the floor, bulging out of the drawers, peeking out of the closets. CLIFF is at the writing desk, typing. SALLY enters with groceries, kisses CLIFF, takes off her fur coat, and comes over to see what he is writing.

CLIFF -  It's not the novel. It's a letter to my mother - thanking her for the check.

SALLY - It finally arrived!

(CLIFF indicates the check from his mother)

CLIFF - Everyone at home's very thrilled the novel's going so well. Any day now they're expecting to see it in the bookstores.

SALLY - Oh, Cliff--

CLIFF - I may not be a good novelist, but I'm a very good liar. And I write a hell of a letter.

SALLY - It's my fault. If I weren't always dragging you off to party after party...

CLIFF - But I like those parties. The truth is, I like this whole city. It's so tacky and terrible - and everyone's having such a great time. If this were a movie, you know what would happen? A volcano would erupt - or there'd be a tidal wave...

SALLY - Maybe you should write for films! And I'll star in them! Oh, Cliff - wouldn't that be heaven!

CLIFF - Heaven! Just as soon as I finish the novel.

SALLY - There must be something to write about?

CLIFF - Or someone? Sally Bowles? Who would ever believe it?

SALLY - You're right - I'm much too strange and extraordinary! Much! And much too distracting...

CLIFF - Distracting? Nonsense! (Music starts) What about Venice? What about Rome? There was no Sally Bowles then - and no novel either. I was just drifting...

SALLY - And now you're sleepwalking. Is that better?

CLIFF - Sleepwalking? Who said that?

SALLY - You did. Last night.

CLIFF - I was drunk last night. Anyway - I said it was possible I was sleepwalking. And - if I am - who cares? What's te point in opening my eyes? (Singing)

WHY SHOULD I WAKE UP

WHY SHOULD I WAKE UP?

THE DREAM IS GOING SO WELL.

WHEN YOU'RE ENCHANTED,

WHY BREAK THE SPELL?

DRIFTING IN THIS EUPHORIC STATE,

MORNING CAN WAIT.

LET IT COME LATE.

WHY SHOULD I WAKE UP?

WHY WASTE A DROP OF THE WINE?

DON'T I ADORE YOU?

AND AREN'T YOU MINE?

MAYBE I'LL SOMEDAY BE LONELY AGAIN.

BUT WHY SHOULD I WAKE UP TILL THEN?

SALLY - Even so, Cliff - I've always said: when you want me to go, I'll go...even this very minute. I've never stayed so long with anyone.

CLIFF - Let's not talk about that! (Singing)

DRIFTING IN THIS EUPHORIC STATE,

MORNING CAN WAIT.

LET IT COME LATE.

WHY SHOULD I WAKE UP?

WHY WASTE A DROP OF THE WINE?

DON'T I ADORE YOU?

AND AREN'T YOU MINE?

MAYBE I'LL SOMEDAY BE LONELY AGAIN.

BUT WHY SHOULD I WAKE UP,

WHY SHOULD I WAKE UP TILL THEN?

(Spoken) There's a letter for you from England.

SALLY - England? (She is afraid to take the letter from him)

CLIFF - It won't bite.

SALLY - Don't be too sure. (She picks up the letter and looks at the envelope) It's from Sybil! She's just a mad girl I used to go to school with! We were utterly wild - smoking cigarettes and not wearing bloomers! Our parents predicted we'd both come to a bad end - and the truth is - she did.

CLIFF - Why? What happened?

SALLY - She met this absolutely dreary boy and fell hopelessly in love with him and married him and now they have two children. (She indicates the letter) Probably another one on the way. (Pause) It looks as if everybody's got one on the way. (There is a pause. CLIFF looks at SALLY)

CLIFF - What? Are you sure?(SALLY nods) How long have you know?

SALLY - Oh - a day or two.

CLIFF - Good God! How do you feel about it?

SALLY - I don't know, Cliff. I was going to ask how you feel.

CLIFF - Terrible! How else could I feel? I haven't got a dime! I haven't got - anything!

SALLY - It does seem - a bad idea. Good heavens, if you find me distracting - can you imagine a baby!

CLIFF - It's just not the time.

SALLY - I think you're perfectly right. So what shall we do? (Pause) The usual thing?(No answer) Cliff...?

CLIFF - It's not the first time - is it?

SALLY - Oh, Cliff - remember - you mustn't ever ask me questions! The truth is, I should never have told you about the baby. But I thought if you didn't mind - perhaps I wouldn't mind. It might even have been rather - nice. But now we knoe where we stand. The subject is closed.

CLIFF - Will I ever be able to figure you out?

SALLY - After all, it's as much my fault as yours.

CLIFF - You are the world's craziest girl. It's no easy matter, you know, being in love with the world's craziest girl.(They kiss) Who says I'd be a terrible father?

SALLY - But is it the time?

CLIFF - Yes! It's time. Time I got a job.

SALLY - What about your novel?

CLIFF - If I'm going to be a writer, I'll be a writer - in the evening, in the morning, in the bathtub. This might be the best thing that ever happened to me.

SALLY - And I'll go back to the Kit Kat Klub!

CLIFF - Oh, no! (There is a knock on the door) Come in! (The door opens and ERNST LUDWIG is there)

ERNST - Clifford - Sally - (They shake hands) I do not wish to intrude, but I have urgent business.

SALLY - Would you like something? A drink?

ERNST - Only if you join me. (CLIFF nods. SALLY starts pouring three glasses of whiskey)

CLIFF (To ERNST) - What's on your mind?

ERNST - You remember - I mentioned the possibility of an occasional business trip to Paris...(CLIFF nods) If you are interested - I think - in the next few days...

CLIFF - What would I have to do?

ERNST - It is so very simple. You go to an address I will give you - you pick up a small briefcase - you bring it back to Berlin. And then I pay you seventy - five marks!

SALLY - Seventy-five marks! Cliff - it's a gift from heaven!

ERNST - And I promise you are giving help to a very good cause.

CLIFF - Well, whatever it is, please don't tell me. I don't want to know.

ERNST - As you wish. But you will go?

SALLY - Of course he will!

ERNST - Clifford?

CLIFF - You see how it is? And we're not even married yet.

ERNST - Married! But such a surprise! My congratulations! Sally, congratulations! And when is the wedding to be?

(CLIFF shrugs his shoulders)

CLIFF - We haven't decided yet. This all just happened today.

ERNST - Today?

SALLY - Of course. We only found out today.

(ERNST looks at SALLY very quizzically. CLIFF  quickly raises his glass of whiskey)

CLIFF - That we're going to be rich! Here - drink up! I mean, Prost!

(SALLY and ERNST raise their glasses)

SALLY, ERNST & CLIFF - Prosit!

(They drink as the lights fade)

ACT ONE - Scene 11

At the top of the spiral staicase, the EMCEE appears. He wears expensive clothes and flashy jewelry.

EMCEE - Prosit!

SITTING PRETTY

You see? There's more than one way to make money!

(He sings)

MY FATHER NEEDS MONEY,

MY UNCLE NEEDS MONEY,

MY MOTHER IS THIN AS A REED.

BUT ME, I'M SITTING PRETTY -

I'VE GOT ALL THE MONEY I NEED.

GIRLS - OO OO OO

EMCEE - MY DEAREST FRIEND FRITZY

IS OUT OF HIS WITS, HE

HAS FOUR STARVING CHILDREN TO FEED.

BUT ME, I'M SITTING PRETTY -

I'VE GOT ALL THE MONEY I NEED.

GIRLS - DO - WA!

EMCEE - I KNOW MY LITTLE COUSIN ERIC

HAS HIS CREDITORS HYSTERICAL,

AND ALSO COUSING HERMAN

HAD TO PAWN HIS MOTHER'S ERMINE,

ANY MY SISTER AND MY BROTHER

TOOK TO HOCKING ONE ANOTHER, TOO.

(GIRLS singing background)

BUT I'VE GOT SOME TALENTS,

WHICH BUILD UP MY BALANCE,

SO EVEN MY BANKERS AGREED

THAT ME, I'M SITTING PRETTY -

I'VE GOT ALL THE MONEY I NEED.

(Music continues)

You wonder where I get my money? I have something to sell. Love! For all tastes! From all over! Meet Olga, my Russian ruble!

(A beautiful RUSSIAN GIRL enters, her bosom covered with rubles. The EMCEE helps himself to a few rubles)

The Russian ruble will never collapse! Sushi, my Japanese yen!

(A stunning JAPANESE GIRL enters, a yen on each breast. The EMCEE takes one yen)

I have one yen.

(He takes the other)

I have two yen.

(He turns to the audience)

You have a yen? My French franc! Voila!

(A gorgeous FRENCH GIRL enters with a French franc in her hand, which she gives the EMCEE)

And now - Ladies and Gentlemen - My American buck!

(A beautiful AMERICAN GIRL enters, an American dollar in the beak of the eagle headdress she wears. He takes the dollar and sings)

I KNOW MY LITTLE COUSING ERIC

HAS HIS CREDITORS HYSTERICAL,

AND ALSO COUSIN HERMAN

HAD TO PAWN HIS MOTHER'S ERMINE,

AND MY SISTER AND MY BROTHER

TOOK TO HOCKING ONE ANOTHER, TOO.

(GIRLS sing background)

BUT I'M NOT A NINCOMPOOP.

I'VE GOT AN INCOME YOU

PUT IN THE BANK TO ACCRUE.

YES, ME, I'M SITTING PRETTY -

LIFE IS PRETTY SITTING WITH YOU!

(They dance)

EMCEE & GIRLS - ME, I'M SITTING PRETTY,

I'VE GOT ALL THE MONEY I NEED.

(Dance)

EMCEE - I'M SITTING PRETTY.

GIRLS - I'VE GOT ALL THE MONEY I NEED.

(Dance)

EMCEE (Spoken) - And now, Brunhilde, my German mark - you can't keep that girl down!

(She rises from behind the piano and "flies" straight up in the air. She poses for a brief moment, and as she is descending, he hits the gong that is between her legs)

ALL (Singing) - LIFE IS PRETTY SITTING WITH,

PRETTY SITTING WITH,

PRETTY SITTING WITH YOU!

BLACKOUT

(Music play off)

ACT ONE - Scene 12

FRAULEIN SCHNEIDER's living room is empty. Then FRAULEIN KOST's door opens slowly. FRAULEIN KOST looks out. ALL seems to be clear. A SAILOR emerges.

INCIDENTAL (IT COULDN'T PLEASE ME MORE)

Just at this moment, FRAULEIN SCHNEIDER opens her bedroom door. The two ladies spot each other.

FRAULEIN KOST - All right! There is no need to say it! I know it by heart already! (The SAILOR exits. For some strange reason, FRAULEIN SCHNEIDER says nothing) So no lectures - please - about sailors! They are just lonesome, patriotic boys! I have a duty!

(FRAULEIN SCHNEIDER still says nothing. She looks vaguely uncomfortable. Inexplicably, FRAULEIN SCHNEIDER goes back into her bedroom and closes the door. FRAULEIN KOST is quite surprised. She goes into her room. A moment later, FRAULEIN KOST opens her door and another SAILOR emerges. As she is about to close the door, FRAULEIN SCHNEIDER's door opens and HERR SCHULTZ peeks out. FRAULEIN KOST sees him but he doesn't see her. Both doors close. After a while, FRAULEIN SCHNEIDER's door opens and HERR SCHULTZ starts out, followed by FRAULEIN SCHNEIDER. At this point, FRAULEIN KOST opens her door and she comes out - very brazenly - followed by yet another SAILOR).

(Music stops)

FRAULEIN KOST (For FRAULEIN SCHNEIDER's benefit, FRAULEIN KOST hugs and kisses the SAILOR at great length) - Goodnight Karl.

THIRD SAILOR (Correcting her) - Fritz.

FRAULEIN KOST - Fritz - you must be sure to come back again soon. At any time. (Taking the money from him) Bring your friends. (The SAILOR exits. FRAULEIN KOST waltzes up to FRAULEIN SCHNEIDER) Ah, good evening, Fraulein Schneider. A busy evening, no? I see we are - after all - sisters under the skin.

SCHULTZ - Fraulein Kost!

FRAULEIN KOST - Yes?

SCHULTZ - This fine lady is not your sister! She has just honored me by consenting to give me her hand in marriage!

FRAULEIN KOST (really amazed) - Marriage!

SCHULTZ - We marry in - three weeks.

FRAULEIN KOST - Three weeks!

SCHULTZ - So a little respect for the future Frau Schultz - if you please!

FRAULEIN KOST - Ja! Ja! Frau Schultz? (FRAULEIN KOST - chastened . exits into her room)

FRAULEIN SCHNEIDER - Herr Schultz. You were - supreme.

SCHULTZ - But what else could I do?

FRAULEIN SCHNEIDER - Such a magnificent lie - to preserve my reputation.

SCHULTZ - But why did I say three weeks? Why not three months? Three years? This way she will find out the truth so quickly. Unless..

FRAULEIN SCHNEIDER - Unless?

SCHULTZ - Unless what?

FRAULEIN SCHNEIDER - You said "unless"!

SCHULTZ - But it is foolish! I mean - after all - who would have me? An elderly widower - with grey hair - and hearburn - and a little fruit...

FRAULEIN SCHNEIDER - Am I such a bargain then? An unbeautiful spinster with a few rooms to let - poorly furnished.

SCHULTZ - I work fourteen hours a day.

FRAULEIN SCHNEIDER - I do my own scrubbing.

SCHULTZ - My right leg bothers me.

FRAULEIN SCHNEIDER - I have such palpitations.

SCHULTZ - I'm not a well man.

FRAULEIN SCHNEIDER - Am I well woman?

SCHULTZ - What are we talking about? We're alive! And what good is it - alone? So if you would even consider - marriage...? (There is a long pause)

FRAULEIN SCHNEIDER - I will consider it.

SCHULTZ - But take your time, by all means. No hurry.

FRAULEIN SCHNEIDER - Yes. I will consider it. (They shake hands) But this much I can tell you already. You have good to be very, very optimistic. (FRAULEIN SCHNEIDER goes to her room. HERR SCHULTZ, shaken, sings)

MARRIED

HOW THE WORLD CAN CHANGE,

IT CAN CHANGE LIKE THAT

DUE TO ONE LITTLE WORD -

MARRIED.

SEE A PALACE RISE

FROM A TWO-ROOM FLAT

DUE TO ONE LITTLE WORD -

MARRIED.

AND THE OLD DESPAIR

THAT WAS OFTEN THERE

SUDDENLY CEASES TO BE.

FOR YOU WAKE ONE DAY,

LOOK AROUND AND SAY,

SOMEBODY WONDERFUL

MARRIED ME.

(The lights come up in FRAULEIN SCHNEIDER'S bedroom. Through the wall, we see FRAULEIN SCHNEIDER sitting thoughtfully on the edge of her bed)

FRAULEIN SCHNEIDER (Singing) - HOW THE WORLD CAN CHANGE,

IT CAN CHANGE LIKE THAT

DUE TO ONE LITTLE WORD -

SCHULTZ & FRAULEIN SCHNEIDER - MARRIED

FRAULEIN SCHNEIDER - SEE A PALACE RISE

FROM A TWO-ROOM FLAT

DUE TO ONE LITTLE WORD -

SCHULTZ & FRAULEIN SCHNEIDER - MARRIED

FRAULEIN SCHNEIDER - AND THE OLD DESPAIR

THAT WAS OFTER THERE

SUDDENLY CEASES TO BE.

SCHULTZ & FRAULEIN SCHNEIDER - FOR YOU WAKE ONE DAY,

LOOK AROUND AND SAY,

SCHULTZ - SOMEBODY WONDERFUL,

FRAULEIN SCHNEIDER - SOMEBODY WONDERFUL

SCHULTZ & FRAULEIN SCHNEIDER - MARRIED ME

(The light goes out in FRAULEIN SCHNEIDER'S bedroom. She comes out of her door and back to the living room)

FRAULEIN SCHNEIDER - Herr Schultz - I have considered your proposal.

SCHULTZ - So quickly?

FRAULEIN SCHNEIDER (Nods) - I can think of no arguments against it. And so - if you still desire me - I am yours.

SCHULTZ - If I desire...? If? I must tell someone the good news! I must tell everyone! Good news! Good news! (He rushes to one of the doors and starts knocking on it) Is anyone there? I have news! Exciting news!

FRAULEIN SCHNEIDER - But that is your own door!

SCHULTZ - Oh! Good news! Good news! Come and hear!

(SALLY enters through the double door)

SALLY - What's going on?

SCHULTZ - Fraulein Sally! Good news! Fraulein Schneider and I are to be married!

SALLY - Married! How wonderful! It's in the air! It must be!

SCHULTZ - I am so happy! (He sits down) I never thought - I never thought I would be so fortunate.

SALLY - I've got the most perfect idea! When Cliff comes back from Paris, we're giving you an engagement party!

FRAULEIN SCHNEIDER - Engagement party? For two old people - it is not suitable.

SCHULTZ - What old people? I do not see any old people! But I will give the party! I will give it at my shop! And there will be music - dancing.

FRAULEIN SCHNEIDER - And who will dance? How may people do we know?

SALLY - I'll do the inviting! I know lots of people!

FRAULEIN SCHNEIDER - I still think it is foolish - this party - a waste of money!

SCHULTZ - Have you ever had an engagement party?

FRAULEIN SCHNEIDER - Of course not.

SCHULTZ - And neither have I. So - I ask you - what are we waiting for? It's time!

END OF SCENE 12

(The lights fade, except for a spot on FRAULEIN SCHNEIDER'S gramophone as FRAULEIN SCHNEIDER and HERR SCHULTZ waltz off)

OPENING SCENE 13 - STAGE BAND

ACT ONE - Scene 13

The lights come up on HERR SCHULTZ's fruit shop - all decorated for the party, which is in full swing. Prominent among the guests are the performers and GIRL ORCHESTRA from the Kit Kat Klub.

CLIFF enters - carrying his suitcase and ERNST's briefcase. SALLY kisses him,

(Music continues under dialogue)

SALLY - Cliff! Was Paris divine?

CLIFF - Divine.

SALLY (indicating the briefcase) - Was there any trouble?

CLIFF - No. But I'll be happy to get rid of it. Is Ernst here?

SALLY - Not yet. (CLIFF takes off his overcoat and puts the briefcase with it on a counter) Come see the lovely gift we're giving Fraulein Schneider and Herr Schultz.

(CLIFF embraces FRAULEING SCHNEIDER)

CLIFF - Fraulein... (Asking HERR SCHULTZ's approval to kiss her) May I? (HERR SCHULTZ nods. CLIFF kisses FRAULEIN SCHNEIDER) Congratulations.

SALLY (To FRAULEIN SCHNEIDER) - Now open your present. Be careful.

(FRAULEIN SCHNEIDER undoes the ribbon from a large white gift box)

FRAULEIN SCHNEIDER - Ah - Herr Schultz - look! Crystal!

SALLY - Cut crystal. It's for fruit.

FRAULEIN SCHNEIDER - Beautiful.

SCHULTZ - Thank you. And I will keep it filled. I promise - as long as we live - this bowl will not be empty.

(Everyone applauds. The door opens and FRAULEIN KOST enters)

FRAULEIN KOST - Fraulein Schneider - I am welcome?

FRAULEIN SCHNEIDER - Fraulein Kost - forgive me! I did not invite you. But only because I know you work in the evening.

FRAULEIN KOST - Tonight I am free.

FRAULEIN SCHNEIDER (Aside) - I should live that long. (She indicates the FRAULEIN KOST is welcome. FRAULEIN KOST points to the door)

FRAULEIN KOST - My cousins?

(Stage band finishes. Segue to pit orchestra vamp)

FRAULEIN SCHNEIDER - From Hamburg? (FRAULEIN KOST nods) In!

FRAULEIN KOST - My cousins! (Three SAILORS burst in. They find girls to dance with. FRAULEIN KOST stops one of them) Otto...

SAILOR (Correcting her) - Rudy.

FRAULEIN KOST - Rudy - it's Fraulein Schneider's party. If you want to dance - dance with her!

FRAULEIN SCHNEIDER - No - no.

FRAULEIN KOST - Dance with her, Otto!

SAILOR - Rudy! (He comes up to FRAULEIN SCHNEIDER)  It is my pleasure Fraulein.

FRAULEIN SCHNEIDER - But I do not... And you are so young... It is out of the question. Unthinkable - absolutely unthinkable. Absolutely.

FRUITSHOP DANCE

(And she begins to dance with him - the fruit shop dance. At the end of the dance, ERNST LUDWIG enters. He has a swastika armband on his overcoat).

THE SCENE CONTINUES - INCIDENTAL (SITTING PRETTY)

(Stage band solo and underscoring)

ERNST - Clifford - Sally.

SALLY - Ernst!

ERNST - You have the briefcase? (CLIFF points to the swastika armband) Oh - I come direct from the meeting. (ERNST takes his overcoat off. He is wearing a business suit) I am sorry, Clifford - since you did not wish to know my politics. However - the briefcase, please. You have it? (CLIFF hesitates. SALLY hands it to ERNST)

SALLY - Here it is.

CLIFF (to ERNST) - You said it was a good cause - if I remember correctly.

ERNST - And so it is! Our party will be the builders of the new Germany. And you are helping! So - for you - (ERNST extends an envelope to CLIFF. CLIFF doesn't take it) Something is wrong? (SALLY takes the envelope)

SALLY - No. Of course not. Thank yu, Ernst.

CLIFF (To ERNST) - I've been reading your leader's book...

ERNST - Ah, yes. Mein Kampf.

CLIFF - Have you read it?

ERNST - Certainly!

CLIFF - Then I don't understand. I mean - that man is out of his mind. It's right there on every page...

ERNST - Clifford - this is not the time nor the place for such a discussion. Perhaps you would never understand. At any rate - now I find myself a flapper - I enjoy the party. (ERNST leaves CLIFF and SALLY. He goes up to FRAULEIN SCHNEIDER) Fraulein Schneider - I wish you much happiness!

FRAULEIN SCHNEIDER - Thank you.

ERNST - I am sorry to be late, but there was a meeting. An important business meeting.

FRAULEIN SCHNEIDER - One does what one must.

ERNST - But now I look forward to a most delightful evening. (ERNST wanders off - looking for a flapper. HERR SCHULTZ, carrying a bottle of schnapps and some glasses, comes up to FRAULEIN SCHNEIDER)

SCHULTZ - Schnapps?

FRAULEIN SCHNEIDER - You've had enough.

(HERR SCHULTZ watches the dancing couples admiringly)

SCHULTZ - Beautiful dancing! Beautiful! (He suddenly notes two boys dancing together. He looks around to see if anyone else has noticed) All right! Enough dancing! Enough! No more dancing!

FRAULEIN SCHNEIDER - But why?

SCHULTZ - No more dancing! (The music stops. The dancers stop) Sit down, everyone! We do something else.

FRAULEIN SCHNEIDER - Something else? What else?

SCHULTZ - What else? What? (Suddenly inspired) I will entertain!

FRAULEIN SCHNEIDER (to the guests, apologetically) He has had too much schnapps...

SCHULTZ - But I insist! So you will not think of my only talent is fruit. (HERR SCHULTZ sees to it that everyone is seated and ready) Now - the only word.

MEESKITE

You have to know in order to understand my little song is the Yiddish word: "meeskite". "Meeskite" means ugly, funny-looking. "Meeskite" means...

(He sings)

MEESKITE, MEESKITE,

ONCE UPON A TIME THERE WAS A MEESITE, MEESKITE,

LOOKING IN THE MIRROR HE WOULD SAY, "WHAT AN AWFUL SHOCK,

I GOT A FACE THAT COULD STOP A CLOCK."

MEESKITE, MEESKITE,

SUCH A PITY ON HIM, HE'S A MEESKITE, MEESKITE,

GOD UP IN HIS HEAVEN LEFT HIM OUT ON A SHAKY LIMB,

HE PUT A MEESKITE ON HIM.

But listen, he grew up. Even meeskites grow up.

(He sings again)

AND SOON IN THE CHADER (THAT MEANS HEBREW SCHOOL)

HE SAT BESIDE THIS LITTLE GIRL

AND WHEN HE ASKED HER HER NAME SHE REPLIED,

"I'M PEARL."

HE RAN TO THE ZAYDA (THAT MEANS GRANDFATHER)

AND SAID IN THAT SCREECHY VOICE OF HIS,

"YOU TOLD ME I WAS THE HOMELIEST!

WELL, GRAMPS, YOU'RE WRONG. PEARL IS!

"MEESKITE, MEESKITE,

NO ONE EVER SAW A BIGGER MEESKITE, MEESKITE,

EVERYWHERE A FLAW AND MAYBE THAT IS THE REASON WHY

I'M GONNA LOVE HER UNTIL I DIE.

"MEESKITE, MEESKITE,

OH, IS IT A PLEASURE SHE'S A MEESKITE, MEESKITE,

SHE'S THE ONE I'LL TREASURE, FOR I THOUGHT THERE COULD NEVER BE

A BIGGER MEESKITE THAN ME."

SO, THEY WERE MARRIED,

AND IN A YEAR SHE TURNED AND SMILED:

"I'M AFRAID I AM GOING TO HAVE....A CHILD."

NINE MONTHS SHE CARRIED,

WORRYING HOW THAT CHILD WOULD LOOK,

AND ALL THE COUSINS WERE WORRIED TOO.

BUT WHAT A TURN FATE TOOK!

GORGEOUS, GORGEOUS,

THEY PRODUCED A BABY THAT WAS GORGEOUS, GORGEOUS,

CROWDING ROUND THE CRADLE ALL THE RELATIVES AAHED AND OOHED,

"HE OUGHT TO POSE FOR A BABY FOOD.

GORGEOUS, GORGEOUS,

WOULD I TELL A LIE? HE'S SIMPLY GORGEOUS, GORGEOUS,

WHO'D HAVE EVER THOUGHT THAT HE WOULD SEE SUCH A FLAWLESS GEM

OUT OF TWO MEESKITES LIKE THEM?"

Sing with me, somebody? Fraulein Schneider? Herr Ludwig - we make a duet? Sally?

(SALLY comes forward and sings with HERR SCHULTZ)

SCHULTZ & SALLY - MEESKITE, MEESKITE,

ONCE UPON A TIME THERE WAS A MEESKITE, MEESKITE,

LOOKING IN THE MIRROR HE WOULD SAY, "WHAT AN AWFUL SHOCK,

I GOT A FACE THAT COULD STOP A CLOCK."

MEESKITE, MEESKITE,

WHAT'S THE GOOD DENYING I'M A MEESKITE, MEESKITE,

GOD UP IN HIS HEAVEN MADE A JOKE FOR THE WORLD TO SEE...

(SALLY kisses SCHULTZ and sits)

SCHULTZ - HE MADE A MESSKITE OF ME.

Now, wait! The story has a moral! All my stories have morals!

MORAL, MORAL,

YES, INDEED, THE STORY HAS A MORAL, MORAL,

THOUGH YOU'RE NOT A BEAUTY IT IS NEVERTHELESS QUITE TRUE,

THERE MAY BE BEAUTIFUL THINGS IN YOU.

MEESKITE, MEESKITE,

LISTEN TO THE FABLE OF THE MEESKITE, MEESKITE,

ANYONE RESPONSIBLE FOR LOVELINESS, LARGE OR SMALL,

IS NOT A MEESKITE

AT ALL!

(All applaude except ERNST who puts on his coat)

ERNST - Fraulein Schneider - Clifford - I wish to say good evening.

FRAULEIN SCHNEIDER - But why so early?

ERNST - I find that I do not belong here. I cannot stay.

FRAULEIN SCHNEIDER - As you wish.

ERNST - Fraulein - you and I are old acquaintances. I have sent you many new lodgers...So let me urge you - think what you are doing. This marriage is not advisable. I cannot put it too strongly. For your own welfare.

CLIFF - What about Herr Schultz's welfare?

ERNST - He is not a German.

FRAULEIN SCHNEIDER - But he was born here!

ERNST - He is not a German. Good evening.

(ERNST goes to the door. As he reaches it, FRAULEIN KOST runs up to him)

FRAULEIN KOST - Herr Ludwig - wait! You are not leaving so early?

ERNST - I do not find the party amusing.

FRAULEIN KOST - Oh-- but it is just beginning! Come...we will make it amusing...you and I, ja? (She pulls ERNST back into the center of the shop) Ladies and gentlemen - quiet please! Quiet! (To ERNST) Herr Ludwig, this is for you. (She sings)

REPRISE - TOMORROW BELONGS TO ME

THE SUN ON THE MEADOW IS SUMMERY WARM,

THE STAG IN THE FOREST RUNS FREE.

BUT GATHER TOGETHER TO GREET THE STORM,

TOMORROW BELONGS TO ME.

Ja?

THE BRANCH OF THE LINDEN IS LEAFY AND GREEN

THE RHINE GIVES ITS GOLD TO THE SEA.

BUT SOMEWHERE A GLORY AWAITS UNSEEN,

TOMORROW BELONGS TO ME.

Herr Ludwig! Sing with me!

(ERNST, wearing the coat with the swastika armband, goes to her side. The guests form a circle around them, as if magnetically attracted)

FRAULEIN KOST & ERNST (singing) - THE BABE IN HIS CRADLE IS CLOSING HIS EYES,

THE BLOSSOM EMBRACES THE BEE.

BUT SOON, SAYS A WHISPER, ARISE, ARISE,

TOMORROW BELONGS TO ME.

FRAULEIN KOST - And now - everyone!

(The guests join in the singing - their voices frowing louder and louder, even rather frightening. Only FRAULEIN SCHNEIDER, HERR SCHULTZ, CLIFF and SALLY remain outside the circle)

FRAULEIN KOST, ERNST & GUESTS (Singing) - OH FATHERLAND, FATHERLAND, SHOW US THE SIGN

YOUR CHILDREN HAVE WAITED TO SEE.

THE MORNING WILL COME WHEN THE WORLD IS MINE,

TOMORROW BELONGS TO ME.

(As the song ends amid cheers and applause, the EMCEE appears at the top of the spiral stairs - puffing on a cigar. He takes in the scene: FRAULEIN SCHNEIDER and CLIFF watching the singers with great concern - HERR SCHULTZ and SALLY laughing, unaware of what is happening. As the EMCEE descends the stairs the fruit shop vanishes. The people on stage freeze against a black background. The EMCEE slowly crosses the stage - looking at everyone. Then he turns to the audience. He shrugs, he smiles, and exits)

BLACKOUT

END OF ACT ONE

ENTR'ACTE (STAGE BAND)

ACT TWO - Scene 1

KICK LINE NO. 1

Eight girls dance out on stage - obviously the Kit Kat Klub chorus. They do a spirited dance of high kicks. Suddenly we are aware that one of the girls is the EMCEE: As the dance begins to fall apart, we hear the ominous sound of military drums; the music changes to a martial version of "Tomorrow belongs to me"

KICK LINE NO. 2

As the EMCEE and GIRLS goosestep offstage.

BLACKOUT

ACT TWO - Scene 2

Inside HERR SCHULTZ's shop, HERR SCHULTZ is taking down some of hte remaining party decorations. Passers-by can be seen through the windows. FRAULEIN SCHNEIDER enters. She is obviously troubled.

SCHULTZ - Fraulein Schneider - good morning!

FRAULEIN SCHNEIDER - Good morning, Herr Schultz.

SCHULTZ - New apples. Fresh off the tree. Perfection! (He wipes one off an hands it to her) Please...

FRAULEIN SCHNEIDER (refusing it) - Perhaps later.

SCHULTZ - Such a party last evening! I have never been to a finer party! Such food! Such music! (Suddenly very contrite) Can you ever forgive me?

FRAULEIN SCHNEIDER - For what? A few glasses of schnapps?

SCHULTZ - I promise you - on out wedding day - no drinking - you will be proud of me.

FRAULEIN SCHNEIDER - I am already proud of you. But - as concerns the wedding...

SCHULTZ - Yes?

FRAULEIN SCHNEIDER - There are problems. New problems.

SCHULTZ - If it is my drunkenness - I swear to you, Fraulein: I am not an alcoholic.

FRAULEIN SCHNEIDER - There is a thing - far more serious.

SCHULTZ - A new problem...?

FRAULEIN SCHNEIDER - New to me .. because I have not thought about it. But at the party my eyes were opened.

SCHULTZ - And?

FRAULEIN SCHNEIDER - I saw that one can no longer dismiss the Nazis. Because suddenly they are my friends and neighbors. And how many others? and - if so - is it possible they will come to power?

SCHULTZ - And you will be married to a Jew.

FRAULEIN SCHNEIDER (frightened) - I need my license to rent my rooms! if they take it away...

SHULTZ - They will take nothing away. I promise you. (softly) I feel such tenderness for you. It is difficult to express. Are we too old for works like "love"?

FRAULEIN SCHNEIDER - Far too old. I am no Juliet. You are no Romeo. We must be sensible.

SCHULTZ - And live alone. How many meals have you eaten alone? A thousand? Ten thousand?

FRAULEIN SCHNEIDER - Fifty thousand.

SCHULTZ - Then be sensible. Governments come. Governments go. How much longer ca we wait (FRAULEIN SCHNEIDER says nothing) Let me peel you an orange...(HERR SCHULTZ takes a knife and starts peeling an orange rather clumsily. The underscoring of the music to "Married" is heard. FRAULEIN SCHNEIDER reaches for the orange)

FRAULEIN SCHNEIDER - I will do it. (She peels the orange. For a moment, we are back to the mood of their scenes in the first act)

REPRISE: MARRIED

SCHULTZ (singing) - AND THE OLD DESPAIR

THAT WAS OFTER THERE

SUDDENLY CEASES TO BE.

FOR YOU WAKE ONE DAY,

LOOK AROUND AND SAY,

SOMEBODY WONDERFUL

MARRIED...

(A brick crashes through the window. FRAULEIN SCHNEIDER and HERR SCHULTZ jump up)

FRAULEIN SCHNEIDER - You see? You see!

SCHULTZ - It is nothing! Children on their way to school! Mischievous children! Nothing more! I assure you! (HERR SCHULTZ runs out. We see him outside the broken window, looking for hte culprit and questioning the onlookers. No one seems to have seen anything. HERR SCHULTZ comes back in) School children. Young - full of mischief. You understand?

FRAULEIN SCHNEIDER (Slowly - thoughtfully) - I understand.

(Lights fade)

ACT TWO - Scene 3

The EMCEE enters, walking hand-in-hand with a gorilla. The gorilla is really rather attractive - as gorillas go. She wears a chic little skirt and carries a handbag.

IF YOU COULD SEE HER

EMCEE (Singing)

I KNOW WHAT YOU'RE THINKING -

YOU WONDER WHY I CHOSE HER

OUT OF ALL THE LADIES IN THE WORLD.

THAT'S JUST A FIRST IMPRESSION -

WHAT GOOD'S A FIRST IMPRESSION?

IF YOU KNEW HER LIKE I DO,

IT WOULD CHANGE YOUR POINT OF VIEW.

IF YOU COULD SEE HER THROUGH MY EYES,

YOU WOULDN'T WONDER AT ALL.

IF YOU COULD SEE HER THROUGH MY EYES,

I GUARANTEE YOU WOULD FALL LIKE I DID.

WHEN WE'RE IN PUBLIC TOGETHER,

I HEAR SOCIETY MOAN.

BUT IF THEY COULD SEE HER THROUGH MY EYES,

MAYBE THEY'D LEAVE US ALONE.

HOW CAN I SPEAK OF HER VIRTUES?

I DON'T KNOW WHERE TO BEGIN:

SHE'S CLEVER, SHE'S SMART, SHE READDS MUSIC,

SHE DOESN'T SMOKE OR DRINK GIN LIKE I DO.

YET WHEN WE'RE WALKING TOGETHER,

THEY SNEER IF I'M HOLDING HER HAND.

BUT IF THEY COULD SEE HER THROUGH MY EYES,

MAYBE THEY'D ALL UNDERSTAND.

(They waltz)

I UNDERSTAND YOUR OBJECTION,

I GRANT YOU THE PROBLEM'S NOT SMALL.

BUT IF YOU COULD SEE HER THROUGH MY EYES,

SHE ISN'T A MEESKITE AT ALL!

Alternate: SHE WOULDN'T LOOK JEWISH AT ALL!

BLACKOUT

(Music segues)

ACT TWO - Scene 4

INCIDENTAL - UNDERSCORE (WHY SHOULD I WAKE UP?)

CLIFF's room. SALLY is dressing to go out. CLIFF enters, wearing a coat.

SALLY - Cliff! I've been waiting so anxiously! Did you get a job?

CLIFF - I'll try again tomorrow.

(They kiss)

SALLY - And you'll find something! I'm sure of it! President of a bank!

CLIFF -  They're closed.

SALLY - Guess who visited me today! Bobby and Victor! From the Kit Kat! You remember them?

CLIFF - How could I forget them?

SALLY - They say business at the Klub's way off since I left. And Lulu - one of the girls - had her teeth knocked out by a Lithuanian. Oh - and Max... you remember Max? He's fallen madly in love. And it turns out she's a dedicated Communist and a dedicated virgin. Isn't that heaven!

CLIFF - Heaven.

SALLY - Would you simply hate it if I went back to work at the Klub?

CLIFF - I sure would.

SALLY - But we need the money so badly!

CLIFF - Not that badly.

SALLY - I don't understand you. Really I don't. First you tell me you're not going to Paris for Ernst any more - even though it does seem the very easiest way in the world to make money...

CLIFF - Or the hardest. (SALLY looks at him blankly) Someday I've simply got to sit you down and read you a newspaper. You'll be amazed at what's going on.

SALLY - You mean - politics? But what has that to do with us?

CLIFF - You're right. Nothing has anything to do with us. Sally, can't you see - if you're not against all this, you're for it - or you might as well be.

SALLY - At any rate, the Kit Kat Klub is the most unpolitical place in Berlin. Even you've got to admit that.

CLIFF - Sally - do me a favor? Let me earn the money for this family. At least give me the chance. If I can't even get something - washing beer glasses - then we'll talk about you working in some cabaret. And after you've tried every other club in Berlin, we might even talk about the Kit Kat Klub. And I imagine I'll still say no. But - who knows? By that time I may be almost ready to listen to reason. Okay? (There is a knock at the door) Come in!

(The door opens. FRAULEIN SCHNEIDER is there. She carries a large gift-wrapped package)

FRAULEIN SCHNEIDER - I intrude?

SALLY - No. No. Come in, Fraulein Schneider.

CLIFF (To FRAULEIN SCHNEIDER) - Have you seen Herr Schultz this morning? (FRAULEIN SCHNEIDER nods) How is he? A little hung-over? (She nods again)

SALLY - Fraulein Schneider - is that the fruit bowl? Is something wrong with it? (SALLY indicates the package FRAULEIN SCHNEIDER is carrying)

FRAULEIN SCHNEIDER (Shaking her head) - I cannot keep it.

SALLY - But why?

FRAULEIN SCHNEIDER - An engagement present. But there is no engagement.

SALLY - What do you mean?

FRAULEIN SCHNEIDER - We have - reconsidered - Herr Schultz and I.

CLIFF - Fraulein, you can't give up that way!

FRAULEIN SCHNEIDER - Oh, yes! I can. That is easy to say! Easy for you. Fight! (Music starts) And - if you fail - what does it matter? You pack your belongings. You move to Paris. And if you do not like Paris - where? It is easy for you. But if you were me...

WHAT WOULD YOU DO?

FRAULEIN SCHNEIDER (She sings)

WITH TIME RUSHING BY,

WHAT WOULD YOU DO?

WITH THE CLOCK RUNNING DOWN,

WHAT WOULD YOU DO?

THE YOUNG ALWAYS HAVE THE CURE -

BEING BRAVE, BEING SURE

AND FREE,

BUT IMAGINE IF YOU WERE ME.

ALONE LIKE ME,

AND THIS IS THE ONLY WORLD YOU KNOW.

SOME ROOMS TO LET -

THE SUM OF A LIFETIME, EVEN SO.

I'LL TAKE YOUR ADVICE.

WHAT WOULD YOU DO?

WOULD YOU PAY THE PRICE?

WHAT WOULD YOU DO?

SUPPOSE SIMPLY KEEPING STILL

MEANS YOU MANAGE UNTIL THE END?

WHAT WOULD YOU DO?

MY BRAVE YOUNG FRIEND?

GROWN OLD LIKE ME,

WITH NEITHER THE WILL NOR WISH TO RUN;

GROWN TIRED LIKE ME,

WHO HURRIES FOR BED WHEN DAY IS DONE;

GROWN WISE LIKE ME,

WHO ISN'T AT WAR WITH ANYONE -

NOT ANYMORE!

WITH A STORM IN THE WIND,

WHAT WOULD YOU DO?

SUPPOSE YOU'RE ONE FRIGHTENED VOICE

BEING TOLD WHAT THE CHOICE MUST BE.

GO ON, TELL ME,

I WILL LISTEN.

WHAT WOULD YOU DO

IF YOU WERE ME?

CLIFF - Aren't you forgetting something? If you marry Herr Schultz - whatever problems come up - you'll still have each other.

FRAULEIN SCHNEIDER - All my life I have manages for myself - and it is too old a habit to change. I have battled alone, and I have survived. There was a war - and I survived. There was a revolution - and I survived. There was an inflation - billions of marks for one loaf of bread - but I survived! And if the Nazis come - I will survive. And if the Communists come - I will still be here - renting there rooms! For, in the end, what other choice have I? This - is my world! (Softly) I regret - very much - returning the fruit bowl. It is truly magnificent. I regret - everything.

(FRAULEIN SCHNEIDER exits)

SALLY - Oh, Cliff - how terrible. Should I speak to her?

CLIFF - What could you say?

SALLY - Oh - that it will all work itself out.

CLIFF - I don't think she'd believe you.

SALLY - It seems nobody believes me today. It's quite obvious you don't - about Max. If he wants be back at the Klub, it's not for the reason you think. Did it ever occur to you I just might be a tremendous asset to that Klub? The fact is, they're waiting there this very minute - to rehearse my numbers. So I really must go.

(CLIFF has gone to his typewriter, opened it, and started to dust it with his handkerchief)

CLIFF - The fact is, you're going a lot farther that the Kit Kat Klub.

SALLY - I am?

CLIFF - Home. (SALLY looks at him blankly) America - since you won't go to England.

SALLY - You're joking!

(CLIFF indicates the typewriter)

CLIFF - I'm going to sell this. The money should get us as fas as Paris. And I'll cable home for steamship fare.

SALLY - What are you talking about?

CLIFF - Leaving Berlin - as soon as possible. Tomorrow!

SALLY - But we love it here!

CLIFF - Sally - wake up! The party in Berlin is over! It was lots of fun, but it's over. And what is Berlin doing now? Vomiting in the street.

SALLY - How ugly, Cliff!

CLIFF - You're damn right it's ugly. And it's going to get a lot worse. So how could we live here? How could we raise a family?

SALLY - But is America the answer? Running away to America?

CLIFF - We're not running away. There's no place to run to. We are going home.

SALLY - Oh, certainly - that's fine for you. But what about me? My career?

CLIFF - You've got a new career.

SALLY - But I can work at the Klub for several months at least. And then, in November - oh, Cliff, I want the world for our baby - all the most elegant, expensive things.

CLIFF - We'll talk about it tomorrow - on the train.

(CLIFF finishes preening the typewriter. He closes it and starts for the door with it)

SALLY - Cliff - wait! We can't just - uproot our lives - that quickly!

CLIFF - Oh, no? You give me one hour! And don't move! (He pushes her into a chair) Sit down! Or - better yet - start packing! (He puts a suitcase on the bed) There's plenty to do! (CLIFF goes toward the door. Then he reaches into a pocket, takes out a coin and gives it to SALLY in a gesture of reconciliation) Here. Call the Klub. Tell them goodbye.

(CLIFF exits)

SALLY'S REVOLT

(SALLY looks at the coin. Then she makes up her mind. She springs up, grabs her fur coat and rushes out the door)

BLACKOUT

(Music segues)

ACT TWO - Scene 5

CABARET INCIDENTAL (DON'T TELL MAMA)

(A crowded evening at the Kit Kat Klub. CLIFF enters)

(Music continues under dialogue)

WAITER - Good evening, sir.

(CLIFF sees SALLY at the bar and goes to her)

CLIFF - What the hell are you doing here? I --

SALLY - May I speak for a moment?

CLIFF - Get your coat! I'm taking you home!

SALLY (pulling CLIFF to a table) - Please, Cliff! If we go to America, there's no assurance you can get a job. There is a great deal of unemployment there. You've said so yourself.

CLIFF - I'll find something.

SALLY - Maybe, but this is sure!

CLIFF - This! What the hell is this? You keep talking about this as if it really existed. When are you going to realize, the only way you got this job is by sleeping with somebody!

SALLY - That's not true!

CLIFF - And the only way you'll get a job in New York or Paris or London is by sleeping with someone else! But you're sleeping with me these days!

SALLY - Shut up, Cliff!

CLIFF - Sally, face it. Say goodbye to Berlin, Max, this dump, everybody. Believe me, they'll never even know you've left.

SALLY - I've got to change for my next number. (She runs off)

CLIFF - Sally! (But she is gone. CLIFF is trembling with anger. The phone on his table lights up. He answers it) Hello. (A spot picks up ERNST LUDWIG, who is sitting at a table with an attractive girl)

ERNST (Into his phone) - Clifford - this is Ernst Ludwig. I am at table nine. Will you join me for a drink?

CLIFF - Now now, Ernst.

ERNST - I have been trying to reach you at Fraulein Schneider's - but you do not answer. I have another urgent errand for you.

CLIFF - Sorry.

ERNST - This time I pay - one hundred and fifty marks.

CLIFF - The answer is no.

ERNST - But what is wrong, Clifford? You are angry with me?

CLIFF - I am?

ERNST - It is because of the party last evening? If you were a German, you would understand these things.

CLIFF - Goddbye, Ernst. (CLIFF hangs up. ERNST stands and comes toward CLIFF, who is anxious to follow SALLY)

ERNST - Wait! It is very important - this errand. I pay - two hundred marks.

CLIFF - Go to hell. (CLIFF tries to leave. ERNST grabs him)

ERNST - But what is wrong with you? I don't understand!

CLIFF - Take your hands off me - (ERNST does)

ERNST - Clifford - I know you need the money. So why won't you go? It is because of that Jew at the party?

(CLIFF socks ERNST, knocking him down. Immediately two men wearing Nazi armbands jump on CLIFF - beating him unconscious. They drag him out of the Klub as the patrons watch. ERNST rises and goes back to his table. The EMCEE appears - laughing rather hysterically - as if the fight were part of the floor show)

EMCEE - And now - once again - Fraulein Sally Bowles!

(SALLY enters and sings)

CABARET

WHAT GOOD IS SITTING ALONE IN YOUR ROOM?

COME HEAR THE MUSIC PLAY.

LIFE IS A CABARET, OLD CHUM,

COME TO THE CABARET.

PUT DOWN THE KNITTING, THE BOOK AND THE BROOM,

TIME FOR A HOLIDAY,

LIFE IS A CABARET, OLD CHUM,

COME TO THE CABARET.

COME TASTE THE WINE,

COME HEAR THE BAND,

COME BLOW A HORN, START CELEBRATING.

RIGHT THIS WAY, YOUR TABLE'S WAITING.

NO USE PERMITTING SOME PROPHET OF DOOM

TO WIPE EVERY SMILE AWAY.

LIFE IS A CABARET, OLD CHUM,

COME TO THE CABARET.

I USED TO HAVE A FIRL FRIEND KNOWN AS ELSIE

WITH WHOM I SHARED FOUR SORDID ROOMS IN CHELSEA.

SHE WASN'T WHAT YOU0D CALL A BLUSHING FLOWER;

AS A MATTER OF FACT, SHE RENTED BU THE HOUR.

THE DAY SHE DIED THE NEIGHBORS CAME TO SNICKER,

"WELL, THAT'S WHAT COMES OF TOO MUCH PILLS AND LIQUOR."

BUT WHEN I SAW HER LAID OUT LIKE A QUEEN,

SHE WAS THE HAPPIEST CORPSE I'D EVER SEEN.

I THINK OF ELSIE TO THIS VERY DAY,

I REMEMBER HOW SHE'D TURN TO ME AND SAY...

(SALLY has walked off the Kit Kat Klub stage. She heads directly downstage as the Kit Kat Klub disappears. SALLY stands alone)

WHAT GOOD IS SITTING ALONE IN YOUR ROOM?

COME HEAR THE MUSIC PLAY.

LIFE IS A CABARET, OLD CHUM,

COME TO THE CABARET.

PUT DOWN THE KNITTING, THE BOOK AND THE BROOM,

TIME FOR A HOLIDAY.

LIFE IS A CABERET, OLD CHUM,

COME TO THE CABARET.

AND AS FOR ME, AS FOR ME,

I MADE MY MIND UP BACK IN CHELSEA.

WHEN I GO, I'M GOING LIKE ELSIE!

START BY ADMITTING FROM CRADLE TO TOMB

ISN'T THAT LONG A STAY.

LIFE IS A CABARET, OLD CHUM,

ONLY A CABARET, OLD CHUM,

AND I LOVE A CABARET!

BLACKOUT

ACT TWO - Scene 6

(CLIFF's room. It is late morning. CLIFF is busily packing. His face is bandaged and he moves a little stiffly. There is a knock at the door. CLIFF rushes to the door and opens it. HERR SCHULTZ is there.)

CLIFF (disappointed) - Good morning, Herr Schultz.

(HERR SCHULTZ enters. He has a suitcase in one hand and a brown paper bag in the other)

SCHULTZ - Excuse me - but I have come to say goodbye. (He sees CLIFF's bandages)

CLIFF - It's nothing. A little accident. Where are you going?

SCHULTZ - I have taken a room on the other side of the Nollendorfplatz. I think it will be easier for her. (He notes all the packing) You are leaving also? You and Fraulein Bowles?

CLIFF - We're going home. To America.

SCHULTZ - America! I have sometimes thought of going there -

CLIFF - Why don't you? The way things look here -

SCHULTZ - But it will pass - I promise you!

CLIFF - I hope you're right.

SCHULTZ - I know I am right! Because I understand the Germans... After all, what am I? A German. (The door opens and SALLY enters. She looks ill and exhausted. She wears a rather thin dress and is carrying her purse. She stands at the door. HERR SCHULTZ goes to her) Ah - Fraulein Sally! I have come to say goodbye... all good fortune.

SALLY - Herr Schultz.

SCHULTZ - I have brought a small farewell gift. (He gives SALLY the paper bag) Seville oranges. Delicious. (SALLY hugs him. Then CLIFF and HERR SCHULTZ shake hands)

CLIFF - Goodbye, Herr Schultz. And I wih you mazel.

SCHULTZ - Mazel. That is what we all need. (He exits)

CLIFF (artificially cheerful) - I've finished your packing. You've got a lot of stuff, lady. You won't be able to find a thing. (SALLY says nothing) We're going to Paris today....remember?

SALLY (looking at him) - Going... with that face? (Her voice sounds very, very weary)

CLIFF - I was in a little fight last night. Did you hear about it? (SALLY nods) You should see the other two guys. (Pause) Not a mark on them. (He looks at his watch) Do you realize how late it is? Almost time to go to the station...

SALLY - The fact is, Cliff --

CLIFF - Don't say it. Whatever it is. Let's just - forget the last twelve hours. Forget what I said at the Kit Kat Klub. Forget you've gotten even with me staying out all night...okay? (He takes her hand) You're so cold. Where's your coat? Your fur coat?

SALLY - You know what I'd love? A spot of gin! We've got some, don't we? I mean - I think one must!

CLIFF - First thing in the morning? How about a Prairie Oyster?

SALLY - Gin! (she gets herself a drink)

CLIFF - That can't be good for expectant mothers. We'll have to get some books on the subject. You know, I suddenly realize I don't know a damn thing about pregnancy. Where's your coat? Did you leave it at the Klub, or was it stolen?

SALLY - I left is at the doctor's office.

CLIFF - Were you sick last night? Is that why you didn't come home?

SALLY - Hals and beinbruch. It means neck and leg break. It's supposed to stop it from happening - though I doubt it does. I doubt you can stop anything happening. Any more that you can change people. I mean...

CLIFF - What do you mean?

SALLY - I mean - I'm not perfect. Far from it! I meet someone and I make all sorts of enormous promises. And then There's an argument - or something else ugly - and I suddenly realize I can't keep those promises - not possibly! Because I am still me!

CLIFF - Sally, what are you talking about?

SALLY - Oh, darling - you're such an innocent. Really! My one regret is I honestly believe you'd have been a wonderful father. And I'm sure someday you will be. Oh yes, and I've another regret: that greedy doctor! 'm going to miss my fur coat. (CLIFF slaps her) Isn't it funny it always ends this way? Even when I finally do love someone terribly - for the first time. But it's still not - quite - enough. I'd spoil it, Cliff. I'd run away with the first exciting think that came along. I guess I really am a rather strange and extraordinary person. (CLIFF is packing his bag) Cliff...I'm sorry. I'm so dreadfully, dreadfully sorry. Because...the truth is...I really would have liked...

BREAK UP - UNDERSCORE

(She can't go on. CLIFF finishes his preparations for leaving. Then he takes out his wallet. He removes one of the railroad tickets and puts it down on the table)

CLIFF - This is your ticket to Paris. You can cash it in... or tear it up... or do whatever you want with it. (CLIFF takes his suitcase and goes to the door) Sally... if... for any reason... you need to get in touch with me... in Paris... the American Express office. (SALLY looks at him) I'll be there at least a week. (CLIFF obviously can't force himself to go out the door. SALLY wipes her eyes. She lights a cigarette in the long, long holder. She smiles - making a tremendous effort to be the old SALLY again for a moment)

SALLY - But - the truh is - Cliff: I've always rather hated Paris. (She puffs on her cigarette. She smiles at CLIFF, as if telling him that she will be perfectly fine without him)

CLIFF (sadly) - Oh, Sally. Goodbye.

SALLY - Goodbye, Cliff. Dedicate your boo to me!

(CLIFF exits, closing the door behind him. SALLY takes the long cigarette holder out of her mouth. Her smile fades. She turns to the door as the lights dim very slowly)

ACT TWO - Scene 7

Before the lights come up we hear:

LOUDSPEAKER VOICE - Letzte Ansage!(Music fades out) Berlin-Paris Express abfahrt vier Uhr Bahnsteig siebzehn. Alle einsteigen, bitte! Letzte Ansage!

(The lights go up on a railroad compartment. CLIFF is alone in it. He has a writing pad on his lap, a pencil in his hand. Two CUSTOM OFFICERS enter from the corridor)

OFFICER - Deutsche Grenzkontrolle. Ihren Pass, bitte. (CLIFF hands it to him. He hands it back to CLIFF) I hope you have enjoyed your stay in Germany, Mr Bradshaw. And you will return soon again?

CLIFF - It's not very likely.

OFFICER - You did not find our country beautiful?

CLIFF (Tonelessly) - Yes, I found it - beautiful.

OFFICER - A good journey, sir.

(The OFFICER tips his cap and exits. CLIFF looks at his writing pad. He crosses out a few words, then adds a few. He reads what he has written)

CLIFF - "There was a cabaret and there was a master of ceremonies and there was a city called Berlin in a country called Germany. It was the end of the world - (Music starts) and I was dancing with Sally Bowles - and we were both fast asleep..." (Singing)

FINALE ULTIMO

WILLKOMMEN, BIENVENUE, WELCOME,

FREMDE, ETRANGER, STRANGER.

(The EMCEE has entered and come downstage. He moves his lips soundlessly as CLIFF sings. Then he begins singing along with CLIFF)

CLIFF & EMCEE - GLÜCKLICH ZU SEHEN,

JE SUIS ENCHANTE,

HAPPY TO SEE YOU.

(Then CLIFF stops singing and the EMCEE finishes alone as the train moves up stage)

EMCEE - BLEIBE, RESTE, STAY

WILLKOMMEN, BIENVENUE, WELCOME,

IM CABARET, AU CABARET, TO CABARET!

Meine Damen und Herren - Mesdames et Messieurs - Ladies and Gentlemen. Where are your troubles now? Forgotten? I told you so! We have no troubles here. Here life is beautiful - the girls are beautiful - even the orchestra is beautiful.

(The GIRL ORCHESTRA appears onstage as do the characters from the opening scene, but this time the picture and the mood are much different. The girls are not as pretty, German uniforms and swastika armbands are apparent; it is not as bright, a dream-like quality prevails. Dissonant strains of "Willkommen" are heard)

ALL (singing) - WILLKOMMEN, BIENVENUE, WELCOME,

FREMDE, ETRANGER, STRANGER.

(Then from among the moving people, we see HERR SCHULTZ)

SCHULTZ - Just children. Mischievous children on their way to school. You understand.

(The people move again and we see FRAULEIN SCHNEIDER)

FRAULEIN SCHNEIDER - I understand. One does what one must.

(Again the people move and we see SALLY)

SALLY - It'll all work out. It's only politics, and what's that got to do with us?

CHORUS (Singing) - GLÜCKLICH ZU SEHEN,

JE SUIS ENCHANTE,

HAPPY TO SEE YOU.

FRAULEIN SCHNEIDER - I must be sensible. If the Nazis come - what other choice have I?

SCHULTZ - I know I am right - because I understand the Germans. After all, what am I? A German.

CHORUS & EMCE (Singing) - FREMDE, ETRANGER, STRANGER,

GLÜCKLICH ZU SEHEN,

JE SUIS ENCHANTE.

(Suddenly SALLY is lifted high on a chair)

SALLY (Singing) - I MADE MY MIND UP BACK IN CHELSEA.

WHEN I GO I'M GOING LIKE ELSIE.

(SALLY is lowered. The people gradually fade away)

...FROM CRADLE TO TOMB

ISN'T THAT LONG A STAY.

LIFE IS A CABARET, OLD CHUM,

LIFE IS A CABARET, OLD CHUM,

LIFE IS A CABARET.

(SALLY disappears into the darkness - leaving the EMCEE alone on the stage)

EMCEE - Auf Wiedersehen! A bientot!

(The EMCEE bows, then suddenly vanishes. The stage is empty except for the street lamps, the mirror, and then, flowing in the darkness, the "Cabaret" sign)

(Music segues)

CURTAIN CALLS

(Full company sings after bows)

LIFE IS A CABARET, OLD CHUM,

ONLY A CABARET, OLD CHUM,

AND I LOVE A CABARET.

(Music segues)

EXIT MUSIC

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