Hairspray

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HAIRSPRAY

HAIRSPRAY

1.GOOD MORNING BALTIMORE

TRACY
Oh, oh, oh
Woke up today
Feeling the way i always do
Oh, oh, oh
Hungry for something
That i can't eat
Then i hear that beat
The rhythm of town
Starts calling me down
It's like a message from
High above
Oh, oh, oh
Pulling me out
To the smiles and the
Streets that i love

TRACY (& ENSEMBLE)
Good morning Baltimore
Every day's like an open door
Every night is a fantasy
Every sound's like a symphony

Good morning Baltimore
And some day when i take to the floor
The world's gonna wake up and see
Baltimore and me

Oh, oh, oh
Look at my hair
What "do" can compare with mine today?
Oh, oh, oh,
I've got my hairspray and radio
I'm ready to go

The rats on the street
All dance round my feet
They seem to say
"Tracy, it's up to you"
So, oh, oh
Don't hold me back
'Cause today all my dreams will come true

Good morning Baltimore
There's the flasher who lives next door
There's the bum on his bar room stool
They wish me luck on my way to school

Good morning Baltimore
And some day when i take to the floor
The world's gonna wake up and see
Baltimore and me

I know every step
I know every song
I know there's a place where i belong
I see all those party lights shining ahead
So someone invite me
Before i drop dead!

ENSEMBLE
Before she drops dead!

TRACY (& ENSEMBLE)
So, Oh, Oh

Give me a chance
'Cause when i start to dance i'm a movie star
Oh, oh, oh
Something inside of me makes me move
When i hear the groove

My ma tells me no
But my feet tell me go!
It's like a drummer inside my heart
Oh, oh, oh
Don't make me wait
One more moment for my life to start...

ENSEMBLE
Good morning, good morning
Waiting for my life to start

TRACY (& ENSEMBLE)
I love you Baltimore
Every day's like an open door
Every night is a fantasy
Every sound's like a symphony

And i promise Baltimore
That some day when
I take to the floor
The world's gonna wake up and see
Gonna wake up and see
Baltimore and me...

ENSEMBLE
Yes, More Or Less We All Agree

TRACY
Baltimore and me...

ENSEMBLE
Someday the world
Is gonna see

TRACY
Baltimore and me!


2. THE NICEST KIDS IN TOWN

CORNY
Hey there, Teenage Baltimore!
Don't change that channel!
'Cause it's time for the Corny
Collins Show! Brought to you by
Ultra Clutch Hairspray!

CORNY (& COUNCIL MEMBERS)
Ev'ry afternoon
When the clock strikes four
(bop-bee-ba, ba-ba-ba-ba, bee-ba)

A crazy bunch of kids
Crash through that door
(bop-bee-ba, ba-ba-ba-ba, bee-ba)

They throw off their coats
And leave the squares behind
And then they shake it, shake it, shake it
Like they're losing their mind
You'll never see them frown
'Cause they're the nicest kids in town

Every afternoon
You turn your T.V. on
(na, na, na, na, na, na-na-na-na)

And we know you turn the sound up
When your parents are gone, yeah
(na, na, na, na, na, na-na-na-na)

And then you twist and shout
For your favorite star
And once you've practiced every step
That's in your repertoire
You better come on down
And meet the nicest kids in town

Nice white kids
Who like to lead the way
And once a month
We have our "negro day!"
And i'm the man who keeps it spinnin' round
Mr. Corny Collins
With the latest, greatest Baltimore sound!!

So every afternoon
Drop everything
(bop-bee-ba, ba-ba-ba-ba, bee-ba)

Who needs to read and write
When you can dance and sing?
(bop-bee-ba, ba-ba-ba-ba, bee-ba)

Forget about your algebra
And calculus
You can always do your homework
On the morning bus
Can't tell a verb from a noun
They're the nicest kids in town

Roll Call!!

COUNCIL MEMBERS
I'm Amber!
Brad!
Tammy!
Fender!
Brenda!
Sketch!
Shelley!
1.01
Lou Ann!
And I'm...LINK!
(All of the girls scream.)

CORNY (& COUNCIL MEMBERS)
So, if every night you're shaking
As you lie in bed
(mony-mony, ooh, mony-mony)

And the bass and drums
Are pounding in your head
(mony-mony, ooh, mony-mony)
Who cares about sleep
When you can snooze in
School?

They'll never get to college
But they sure look cool
Don't need a cap and a gown
'Cause they're the nicest
Kids in town

They're the nicest. Nicest
They're the nicest, nicest
They're the sugar 'n' spicest,
The nicest kids in...
Kids in town!


3. MAMA, I'M A BIG GIRL NOW

PRUDY
Don't contradict me!

VELMA
Don't disobey me!

EDNA
Don't even think about going to
that audition.

TRACY, PENNY & AMBER
Please!

MOMS
No!

3 GIRLS
Mother!!!!

MOMS
Stop!

PENNY
Stop telling me what to do

MOMS
Don't!

AMBER
Don't treat me like a child of two

MOMS
No!

TRACY
I know that you want what's best

MOMS
Please!

TRACY
But mother, please,

GIRLS
Give it a rest!!!

ALL
Stop! Don't! No! Please!
Stop! Don't! No! Please!
Stop! Don't! No! Please!
Mama. I'm a big girl now!

TRACY
Once upon a time when i was just a kid
You never let me do iust what the older kids did
But lose that laundry list of what you won't allow

GIRLS
'Cause mama, i'm a big girl now

AMBER
Once upon a time i used to play with toys
But now i'd rather play around with teenage boys
So, if i get a hickey, please don't have a cow

GIRLS
'Cause mama, i'm a big girl now

PENNY
Ma, i gotta tell you that without a doubt
I get my best dancing lessons from you
You're the one who taught me how to "twist and shout"
Because you shout non-stop
And you're so twisted too!
Wo -oh -oh -oh -oh

TRACY
Once i used to fidget
'Cause i just sat home

AMBER
But now i'm just like gidget
And i gotta get to rome!

PENNY
So say, arrivederci!

TRACY
Toodle-loo!

AMBER
And ciao!

GIRLS
'Cause mama, i'm a big girl now

ALL
Stop! Don't! No! Please!
Stop! Don't! No! Please!
Stop! Don't! No! Please!

GIRLS
Mama, i'm a big girl now
(hey mama, say mama)

TRACY
Once upon a time i was a shy young thing
Could barely walk and talk so much as dance and sing
But let me hit that stage, i wanna take my bow

GIRLS
'Cause mama, i'm a big girl now

AMBER
Wo - oh - oh - oh - oh
Once upon a time i used to dress up 'ken'
But now that i'm a woman, i like bigger men
And i don't need a barbie doll to show me how

GIRLS
'Cause mama, i'm a big girl now

GIRLS
Ma, you always taught me
What was right from wrong
And now i iust wanna give it a try
Mama, i've been in the nest for far too long
So please give a push and mama watch me fly

AMBER
Watch me fly

GIRLS
Hey, mama, say mama

PENNY
Someday i will meet a man
You won't condemn

AMBER
And we will have some kids
And you can torture them

TRACY
But let me be a star
Before i take that vow

GIRLS
'Cause mama, i'm a big girl now

PENNY
Oh - Oh - Oh

GIRLS
Mama, i'm a big girl now

AMBER
Hey - Hey - Hey

GIRLS
Mama, i'm a big girl

AMBER
Ooh, such a big, big girl!

GIRLS
I'm a big girl now

ALL
Stop! Don't! No! Please!
Stop! Don't! No! Please!
Stop! Don't! N01 please!

GIRLS
Mama, i'm a big girl now!!!


4. I CAN HEAR THE BELLS

TRACY
I can hear the bells

PENNY
Tracy, are you all right?

TRACY
Well, don'tcha hear them chime?

PENNY
I don't hear anything.

TRACY
Can't 'cha feel my heartbeat keeping perfect time?
And all because he...

Touched me
He looked at me and stared, yes he
Bumped me
My heart was unprepared when he
Tapped me
And knocked me off my feet
One little touch
Now my life's complete 'cause when he

Nudged me
Love put me in a fix, yes it
Hit me
Just like a ton of bricks, yes my
Heart burst
Now i know what life's about
One little touch
And love's knocked me out and,

TRACY (& ENSEMBLE)
I can hear the bells
My head is spinning
I can hear the bells
Something's beginning

Everybody says
That a girl who looks like me
Can't win his love
Well, just wait and see 'cause

I can hear the bells
Just hear them chiming
I can hear the bells
My temp'rature's climbing

I cant contain my joy
'Cause i fin'ly found the boy
I've been missin'
Listen!
I can hear the bells

Round one
He'll ask me on a date and then
Round two
I'll primp, but won't late because
Round three's
When we kiss inside his car
Won't go all the way
But i'll go pretty far!
And then,

Round four
He'll ask me for my hand and then
Round five
We'll book the wedding band so by
Round six
Amber, much to your surprise
This heavyweight champion
Takes the prize and...

I can hear the bells
My ears are ringing
I can hear the bells
The bridesmaids are singing

Everybody says
Thet a guy who's such a gem
Won't look my way
Well, the laugh's on them 'cause
I can hear the bells

My father will smile
I can hear the bells
As he walks me down the aisle

My mother starts to cry
But i can't see 'cause Link and i
Are french kissin'
Listen!
I can hear the bells

I can hear the bells
My head is reeling
I can hear the bells
I can't stop the pealing

Everybody warns
That he won't like what he'll see
But i know that he'll look
Inside of me yeah,

I can hear the bells
Today's just the start 'cause
I can hear the bells
And 'til death do us part

And even when we die
We'll look down from up above
Remembering the night
That we two fell in love

We both will share a tear
And he'll whisper as we're reminiscin'
Listen!
I can hear the bells

ENSEMBLE
She can hear the bells

TRACY
I can hear the bells

ENSEMBLE
She can hear the bells

TRACY
I can hear the bells

ENSEMBLE
Bum, bum, bum, bum!


5. (THE LEGEND OF) MISS BALTIMORE CRABS

TRACY
Well, I brought my own '45s,' so if you put 'em on, I'll show you my stuff!

LOU ANN
Haven't you already shown us enough?

{The Council Girls snicker.)

VELMA
Oh my god
How times have changed
This girl's either blind
Or completely deranged
Ah, but time seemed to halt
When i was "Miss Baltimore Crabs"

Childhood dreams
For me were cracked
When that damn shirley temple
Stole my frickin' act
But the crown's in the vault
From when i won "Miss Baltimore Crabs"

Those poor runner-ups
Might still hold some grudges
They padded their 'cups'
But i screwed the judges
Those broads thought they'd win
If a plate they would spin in their dance
Not a chance!

Cause i hit the stage
Batons ablaze
While belting high 'c's
And preparing souffles!
But that triple somersault
Was how i clinched "Miss Baltimore Crabs"!

VELMA
Proceed...

TAMMY
Are you scared we're on live?

TRACY
No, I'm sure i can cope!

AMBER
Well, this show isn't broadcast
in...

COUNCIL GIRLS
...Cinemascope!

VELMA
I never drank one chocolate malt
No, no desserts for "Miss Baltimore Crabs"

SHELLEY
How many sweaters do you own?

TRACY
Well, I'm sure I've got plenty
Let's see, I have three...five?...
Wait, I have twenty!!

VELMA
I would say 'oy gevalt'
If i wasn't "Miss Baltimore Crabs"!

A tycoon i wed
So cuddly and funny
The old fart dropped dead
But left tons of money
So i bought this station

VELMA & COUNCIL GIRLS
So all of the nation
Could see

VELMA
Baby amber and me!

AMBER
Do you dance like you dress?

LINK
Amber, there's no need to be cruel!

VELMA
Would you swim in an integrated pool?

(The Council Members gasp.J

TRACY
I sure would. I'm all for
integration, it's The New
Frontier!

VELMA
Not in Baltimore it isn't! And may i be frank?

First impressions can be tough
And when i saw you, i knew it
If your size weren't enough
Your last answer just blew it!

And so, my dear, so short and stout
You'll never be "in"

VELMA & COUNCIL GIRLS
So we're kicking you out!

VELMA
You can't get past me kid
But it isn't your fault

VELMA & COUNCIL MEMBERS
It's hard to get rid of "Miss Baltimore...

VELMA
...Crabs!"

You may go.

TRACY
Um... thank you?

PENNY
Gee Tracy, that went well!

(Li'l Inez runs on.)

LI'L INEZ
Hello Ma'am, may I please
audition?

VELMA
No, but you can bow and exalt!
'Cause i was "Miss Baltimore...

VELMA & THE COUNCIL MEMBERS
...Crabs"!
Crabs, Crabs!!!


6. IT TAKES TWO

COUNCIL GUYS
Оон, оон, оон, оон, оон
Оон, оон, оон, оон
It takes two
Оон.оон, оон, оон.оон, оон
Doo doo, wop!

LINK
They say it's a man's world
Well, that cannot be denied
But what good's a man's world
Without a woman by your side
And so i will wait
Until that moment you decide

LINK & GUYS
That i'm your man
And you're my girl
That i'm the sea
And you're the pearl
It takes two, baby,
It takes two
Doo doo - wop!

LINK
A king ain't a king
Without the pow'r behind the throne
A prince is a pauper. Babe,
Without a chick to call his own
So please, darling, choose me
I don't wanna rule alone
Tell me,

LINK & GUYS
I'm your king
And you're my queen
That no one else
Can come between
It takes two, baby,
It takes two

GUYS
Don't you know

LINK
Lancelot had guinevere
Mrs. Claus has old st. Nick
Romeo had juliet
And liz, well, she has her dick

They say it takes two to tango
Well, that tango's child's play
So take me to the dance floor
And we'll twist the night away

Just like frankie avalon
Had his favorite mouseketeer
I dream of a lover, babe,
To say the things 1 long to hear
So come closer baby,
Oh and whisper in my ear

TRACY (in anything but a whisper)
Yeah!

LINK
That you're my girl
And i'm your boy
That you're my pride
And i'm your joy
That i'm the sand
And you're the tide
I'll be the groom
If you'll be my bride
It takes two, baby,
It takes two

TRACY (& GUYS)
I'm your girl (you're my girl)
You're my boy (i'm your boy)
You're my pride
I'm your joy
I'm the sand
You're the tide
Be the groom
I'll be your bride (be my bride)

It takes two...
It takes two...

LINK
It takes two, baby

TRACY & LINK
It takes two

GUYS
...Two - oo - оон!


7. WELCOME TO THE 60'S

TRACY
Hey mama hey mama,
Look around
Everybody's groovin' to a brand new sound
Hey mama hey mama,
Follow me
1 know something's in you
That you wanna set free
So let so, go, go of the past now
Say hello to the love in your heart
Yes, 1 know that the world's spinning fast now
You gotta get yourself a brand new start

TRACY, DYNAMITES & ENSEMBLE
Hey mama, welcome to the 60's
Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh
Oh mama, welcome to the 60's
Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh
Go mama, go, go, go!

DYNAMITES & ENSEMBLE
Welcome to the 60's
Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh,
Hey mama
Yeah, yeah, yeah,
Yeah, yeah, yeah

TRACY
Hey mama, hey mama,
Take my hand

EDNA
First let's make a pit stop
At the wiener stand

TRACY
Hey mama, hey mama,
Take a chance

EDNA
Oh Tracy, it's been years
Since someone asked me to dance

TRACY
So let go, so, go of the past now
Say hello to the light in your eyes
Yes, i know that the world's
Spinning fast now
But you gotta run the race
To win the prize

TRACY, DYNAMITES &, ENSEMBLE
Hey mama, welcome to the 60's
Oh, oh, oh, oh. Oh, oh, oh, oh
Oh mama, welcome to the 60's
Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh
Go mama, go, go, go!

DYNAMITES & ENSEMBLE
Welcome to the 60's
Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh,
Hey mama
Yeah, yeah, yeah,
Yeah, yeah, yeah

(Tracy & Edna arrive at Mr. Pinky's Hefty Hideaway
as new fans besiege Tracy for photos and autographs.)

DYNAMITES
Welcome to the rhythm of a brand new day

TRACY
Take your old-fashioned fears

TRACY & DYNAMITES
And just throw them away

MR. PINKY'S STAFF
You should add some color and a fresh new "do"

DYNAMITES & ENSEMBLE
'Cause it's time for a star
Who looks |ust like you!

JUDINE
Dontcha let nobody
Try to steal your fun
'Cause a little touch of lipstick
Never hurt no one

KAMILAH
The future's got a million roads
For you to choose
But you'll walk a little taller
In some high-heel shoes

SHAYNA
And once you find the style
That makes you feel like you
Something fresh
Something new

DYNAMITES & ENSEMBLE
Step on out
Hear us shout

TRACY, DYNAMITES & ENSEMBLE
Mama, that's your cue!!!

ENSEMBLE
Yeah, Yeah, Yeah

(Edna emerges from Mr. Pinky's Hefty Hideaway all brand new.)

EDNA
Hey Tracy, hey baby,
Look at me!
I'm the cutest chickie
That ya ever did see

Hey Tracy, hey baby,
Look at us
Where is there a team
That's half as fabulous?!

(Tracy takes her turn in "Mr. Pinky's".)

EDNA (& ENSEMBLE)
I let go, go. Go of the past now
Said hello to this red carpet ride
Yes 1 know that the world's spinning fast now
Tell lollabrigida to step aside!

EDNA & ENSEMBLE
Your mama's welcoming the 60's
Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh. Oh, oh, oh
Oh your mama's welcoming the 60's
Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh
Go, mama, go, go, go!

ENSEMBLE
Welcome to the 60's
Open the door
For the girl who has more,
She's a star...
Tracy, go, go, go!

(Tracy re-enters in a matching outfit.)

ALL
Oh mama, welcome to the 60's
Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh. Oh, oh
Oh mama, welcome to the 60's
Oh, oh. Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh. Oh
Go mama. Go, go, go!

Hey mama welcome to the 60's

KAMILAH
Welcome to the "6", to the "0"
To the apostrophe "s"!

ALL
Hey mama welcome to the 60's

(JUDINE riffs.)

ALL
Hey mama welcome to the 60's

(SHAYNA riffs.)

ALL
Welcome to the 60's
Go mama go, go, go!

DYNAMITES
Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh
Oh, oh, oh. Oh, oh
Oh, oh. Oh, oh, oh
Go mama, go, go, go!!


8. RUN AND TELL THAT

SEAWEED
Hey Tracy, my mom is hosting a platter party up on North Avenue. Wanna "check it out"?

PENNY
May i also "check it out?

SEAWEED
Oh, you surely may!

TRACY
I've never been to North Avenue!

LINK
Ya think it'll be all right for, you know... us?

SEAWEED
It's cool, cracker boy!

PENNY
Being invited places by colored people!

TRACY
It feels so hip!

SEAWEED
I'm glad you feel that way, friends, 'cause not everybody does.

I can't see
Why people look at me
And only see the color of my face

And then there's those
That try to help, god knows
But have to always put me in my place

Now i won't ask you to be color blind
'Cause if you pick the fruit
Then girl, you're sure to find...

The blacker the berry
The sweeter the juice
I could say it ain't so
But darlin', what's the use?

The darker the chocolate
The richer the taste
And that's where it's at...
...now run and tell that!!

ENSEMBLE
Run and tell that!

SEAWEED
Run and tell that!

ENSEMBLE
Run and tell that!

SEAWEED (& ENSEMBLE)
I can't see
Why people disagree
Each time i tell them what i know is true

And if you come
And see the world i'm from
1 bet your heart is gonna feel it too

Yeah. I could lie
But baby. Let's be bold
Vanillajian be nice
But if the truth be told...

The blacker the berry
The sweeter the juice
I could say it ain't so
But darlin', what's the use

The darker the chocolate
The richer the taste
That's where it's at

Now run and tell that!!

ENSEMBLE
Run and tell that!

(The scene shifts to Motormouth Maybelle's record shop dance party where her daughter Li'l Inez and her friends are already in full swing.)

LI'L INEZ
Hey, you're Tracy Turnblad! You're my favorite dancer on the Corny Collins Show.

SEAWEED
This is my sister, Li'l Inez.

TRACY
Sure. I saw you at the auditions.

LI'L INEZ
Well, you're the only one who
did, 'cause they kicked me out
on my young, gifted and black
behind.

SEAWEED
Tell 'em about it!

LI'L INEZ
I'm tired of coverin' up all my pride

SEAWEED & ENSEMBLE
So give me five on the black-hand side

LI'L INEZ
I've got a new way of movin'
And i got my own voice

SEAWEED & ENSEMBLE
So how can i help
But to shout and rejoice

LI'L INEZ
The people 'round here
Can barely pay their rent
They're "try'n to make dollar
Out 'a fifteen cent"
But we got a spirit
Money just cant buy

LI'L INEZ & ENSEMBLE
It's deep as a river
And soars to the sky!!

SEAWEED & ENSEMBLE
I cant see
The reason it cant be
The kinda world where we all get our chance

The time is now
And we can show them how
To turn the music up and let's all dance

'Cause all things are equal
When it comes to love
Well, that ain't quite true
'Cause when push comes to shove...

The blacker the berry
The sweeter the juice
I could say it ain't so

But darlin', what's the use
The darker the chocolate
The richer the taste
That's where it's at

SEAWEED
...Now run and tell that!!

ENSEMBLE
Run and tell that!

SEAWEED
Run and tell that!!


9. BIG, BLONDE AND BEAUTIFUL

MOTORMOUTH
Once upon a time
Girl i was just like you
Never let my extra large
Largesse shine through

Hair was brown and nappy
Never had no fun
I hid under a bushel
Which is easier said than done!

Then one day my grandma
Who was big and stout
She said you gotta love yourself
From inside out

And just as soon as i learned
How to strut my funky stuff
I found out that the world at large
Cant get enough so...

Bring on that pecan pie
Pour some sugar on it
Sugar don't be shy

Scoop me up a mess
Of that chocolate swirl
Don't be stingy,
I'm a growing girl

1 offer big love
With no apology
How can i deny the world
The most of me

I am not afraid
To throw my weight around
Pound by pound by pound
Because i'm
Big, blonde and beautiful
There is nothin' 'bout me
That's unsuitable

No one wants a meal
That only offers the least
When girl we're servin' up
The whole damn feast

Slice off a piece
Of that hog head cheese
Then take a look inside
My book of recipes

Now, don't you sniff around
For something fluffy and light
I need a man who brings
A man-size... Appetite

I'll use a pinch of sugar
And a dash of spice
I'll let ya lick the spoon
Because it tastes so nice

I'll keep it in my oven
'Til it's good and hot
Keep on stirring til it hits the spot
Because i'm...

Big, blonde and beautiful
And Edna girl, you're lookin' so
Recruitable
Why sit in the bleachers
Timid and afraid
When Edna,
You can be your own parade!

TRACY
So? How 'bout it, Mama?

EDNA
Well, I am big, I am blonde... ish, and if you say
I'm beautiful, I guess I'm beautiful. OK, I'll do it!

ALL
Yeaaa!
Look out old Baltimore
We're marching in
'And we ain't shufflin'
Through that old back door

EDNA
And Tracy, i will join the fight
If i can keep up this pace

WILBUR
And girls, i'll be right at your side
If i can find some space

MOTORMOUTH
So you can
Hold your head up
Just as big as ya please
You know they'll hear me knockin'
With the two of these!

MOTORMOUTH & ENSEMBLE
Tomorrow, side by side
We'll show the world what's right

EDNA
Looks like i'm touchin' up my roots tonight!

MOTORMOUTH & ENSEMBLE
Then we'll be
Big, blonde and beautiful
It's time to face the fact
It's irrefutable

Can't ya hear that rumbling?
That's our hunger to be free
It's time to fin'ly taste
Equality

COUNCIL MOTHERS & DAUGHTERS
On mother/daughter day
Where thin is in,
We're white as wool

MOTORMOUTH
Well ladies, big is back!
And as for black, it's...

MOTORMOUTH & ENSEMBLE
...Beautiful!!

MOTORMOUTH
All shapes and sizes, follow me

EDNA
Let's bust their chops!

VELMA
Quick, cali the cops!

MOTORMOUTH & PROTESTERS
We're gonna dance our way to victory!
And get us on TV!

PROTESTERS
2...4...6...8...TV'S got to integrate!

COUNCIL MEMBERS
Stay away! This isn't Negro Day!

(Police sirens wail. Whistles blow. As the protesters continue their march, they are loaded into the addy wagon.)

MOTORMOUTH
You bet i'm big!

EDNA (pulling on Velmas hair)
This blond is gray!

LINK
Tracy, this was beautiful!

MOTORMOUTH
Big, blonde, and beautiful leads the way!

ENSEMBLE
No one's getting on TV today!



ACT TWO


10. THE BIG DOLLHOUSE

WOMEN
I gotta get out
I gotta get out
I gotta get out
How'd i get in this slammer
This cooler
This big dollhouse!

MATRON
Alright, ladies, welcome to the "Big Dollhouse!" For those of you new to the Baltimore Women's House of Detention, think of me as a mother... one who eats her young!

VELMA
Locked up with all these
Lowlife women

EDNA
And horizontal stripes
Ain't exactly slimmin'

AMBER
Is there anybody here
Who can dry clean my blouse?

MATRON
It's the maid's day off

ALL
In the big oollhouse

LI'L INEZ
Lady justice,
Where have you gone?

EDNA
Оон, wilbur, check,
I think i left the iron on!

VELMA
Did you see corny laughing?
I could murder that louse!

MATRON
Honey, that'll getcha life

HOOKERS
In the big dollhouse

ALL
Big house!

VELMA
Locked up here in the pen

ALL
Big house!

AMBER
No phone!

EDNA
No food!

MOTORMOUTH
No men!

EDNA
I need a conjugal visit
From my loving spouse

MATRON
Honey, just drop the soap

ALL
In The Big Dollhouse

EDNA (to Matron)
Yoo hoo,
My stomach's a little sour
I haven't had food
In over an hour

MATRON
You just had a pizza,
Six burgers, a mouse!

ALL
There's no food left
In the big dollhouse

VELMA
Hey, matron,
I have got to complain

HOOKER
Mira, mami, don't i know you
From 1st and main?

VELMA
Eek, call my attorneys
Lipshitz and strauss
I gotta get sprung
From the big dollhouse

ALL
Big house!

LITTLE INEZ
No fair!

EDNA
No food!

PENNY
No fun!

ALL
Big house!

MOTORMOUTH
And our fight had just begun
'Cause it's freedom's flame
Velma'd like to douse
So we must break out of this

ALL
Big Dollhouse

TRACY
Penny, i can't take
All this waiting
I've lost my man
Plus, my hair's deflating!

PENNY
Well Tracy,
I hate to grumble or grouse

ALL (screaming at Tracy)
But it's your fault that we're in
This big dollhouse!!

BEATNIK CHICK
Hey, cool it, ladies
No need to shout
And don't ya got an old man
To bail you out?

VELMA
Ha! Her daddy's a pervert,
A loser, a souse!

EDNA (pawing Velma)
Well, it's iust us girls
In the big dollhouse

ALL
Big house!

AMBER
God, i'm too young to fry!

ALL
Big house!

EDNA
I'm busting out!

MOTORMOUTH
Girl, so am i!

ALL
Lady justice, hear my plea
'Cause the big dollhouse
The big dollhouse
The big dollhouse
Ain't big enough for me!
For me!
For me!

EDNA
For me!!!


11. GOOD MORNING BALTIMORE (Reprise)

TRACY
Oh, oh, oh
I'm all alone
My heart has grown
But it's broken, too

This morning
Life was a Baltimore fairy tale
Now i can't make bail!

My mother's in shock
My father's in hock
I much prefer link's arms
To jailhouse cells

So link, please rescue me now
'Cause i love you
And this prison smells.
Link, hear the bells!

And get ready, Baltimore
There's a bright, brand-new
Day in store
Let me out so this dream's
Unfurled
I'll eat some breakfast,
Then change the world!
And i promise Baltimore
Once i cha-cha right out of
That door
The world's gonna wake up
And see
Link's in love with me!


12. (YOU'RE) TIMELESS

WILBUR
Styles keep a changin'
The world's re-arrangin'
But Edna, you're timeless to me
Hemlines are shorter
A beer costs a quarter
But time cannot take what comes free

You're like a stinky old cheese, babe
Just gettin' riper with age
You're like a fatal disease, babe
But there's no cure
So let this fever rage

Some folks can't stand it
Say time is a bandit
But i take the opposite view
Cause when i need a lift
Time brings a gift
Another day with you
A twist or a waltz
It's all the same schmaltz
With just a change in the scenery
You'll never be old hat
That's that!
You're timeless to me

EDNA
Oh, Wilbur!

Fads keep a-fadin'
Castro's invading!
But wilbur, you're timeless to me
Hairdos are higher
Mine feels like barbed wire
But you say i'm chic as can be!

You're like a rare vintage ripple
A vintage they'll never forget
So pour me a teeny weenie triple
And we can toast the fact we ain't dead yet!
I can't stop eating
Your hairline's receding
Soon there'll be nothing at all
So, you'll wear a wig
While i roast a pig
Hey! Pass that geritol

Glenn miller had class
That chubby checker's a gas
But they all pass eventually
You'll never be passe
Hip hooray!
You're timeless to me

(They dance.)

EDNA
You're like a broken down chevy
All you need is a fresh coat of paint

WILBUR
And Edna, you got me goin' hot and heavy
You're fat and old, but baby, boring you ain't!

WILBUR & EDNA
Some folks don't get it
But we never fret it
'Cause we know that time is our friend
It's plain to see
That you're stuck with me
Until the bitter end

And we got a kid
Who's blowin' the lid
Off the turnblad family tree

EDNA
You'll always hit the spot
Big shot!
You're timeless to me

WILBUR
You'll always be du jour
Mon amour
You're timeless to me

EDNA
You'll always be first string

WILBUR
Ring-a-ding-ding!

WILBUR & EDNA
You're timeless to me

EDNA
You're timeless to me

WILBUR
You're timeless to me

WILBUR & EDNA
You're timeless to me!!


13. WITHOUT LOVE

SEAWEED
(climbing in Penny's window)
Psst Penny! What happened?!

PENNY (strapped into bed)
My mother's punishing me for going to jail without permission!

SEAWEED
Well, I'm here to save the fair maiden in her tower.

PENNY
Oh, Seaweed!

LINK (sneaking into jail)
Tracy, you took beautiful behind bars!

TRACY
It must be the low-watt instutionai lighting!

LINK
Oh Tracy, they can keep us from kissing,
but they can't stop us from singing!

LINK
Once i was a selfish fool
Who never understood
I never looked inside myself
Though on the outside, i looked good!

Then we met and you made me
The man i am today
Tracy, i'm in love with you
No matter what you weigh
'Cause...

LINK (& ENSEMBLE)
Without love
Life is uke the seasons with
No summer
Without love
Life is rock 'n' roll without
A drummer

Tracy, i'll be yours forever
'Cause 1 never wanna be
Without love
Tracy, never set me free
No, i ain't lyin'
Never set me free, Tracy,
No, no, no!!

TRACY
Once i was a simple girl
Then stardom came to me
But i was still a nothing
Though a thousand fans may
Disagree

ENSEMBLE
Tracy!!

TRACY
Fame was just a prison
Signing autographs a bore
I didn't have a clue
'Til you came banging on my door

TRACY (& ENSEMBLE)
That without love
Life is like my dad without his bromo
Without love
Life is making out with perry como!

Darling, i'll be yours forever
'Cause i never wanna be
Without love
So darling, throw away the key

LINK & TRACY
I'm yours forever

TRACY
Throw away the key

LINK, TRACY& ENSEMBLE
Yeah, yeah, yeah!

SEAWEED
Living in the ghetto
Black is everywhere ya go
Who'd 've thought i'd love a girl
With skin as white as winter's snow

PENNY
In my ivory tower
Life was just a hostess snack
But now i've tasted chocolate
And i'm never going back

PENNY & SEAWEED & ENSEMBLE
'Cause without love

SEAWEED
Life is like a beat that you can't follow

PENNY & SEAWEED & ENSEMBLE
Without love

PENNY
Life is doris day at the apollo

PENNY & SEAWEED & ENSEMBLE
Darling, i'll be yours forever
'Cause i never wanna be
Without love

SEAWEED
So darling, never set me free

PENNY & SEAWEED
I'm yours forever
Never set me free

PENNY & SEAWEED & ENSEMBLE
No, no, no!

LINK
If you're locked up in this prison, trace
I don't know what i'll do

TRACY
Link, i've got to break out
So that i can get my hands on you

SEAWEED
And girl, if i can't touch you
Now i'm gonna lose control

PENNY
Seaweed, you're my black white knight
I've found my blue-eyed soul

SEAWEED & ENSEMBLE
Sweet freedom is our goal

LINK
Trace, i wanna kiss ya!

TRACY
Then i can't wait for parole!

(Link & Seaweed break their girls out of their respective prisons
and continue singing... of course)

ALL
'Cause without love

SEAWEED
Life is like a prom that won't invite us

ALL
Without love

LINK
Life's getting my big break and laryngitis

ALL
Without love

PENNY
Life's a '45' when you can't buy it

ALL
Without love

TRACY
Life is like my mother on a diet

ALL
Like a week that's only mondays
Only ice cream never sundaes
Like a circle with no center
Like a door marked "do not enter!"

DARLING, I'LL BE YOURS FOREVER
'Cause 1 never wanna be...

Without love

PENNY & LINK
Ys now you've captured me

ENSEMBLE
Without love

SEAWEED & TRACY
I surrender happily

ENSEMBLE
Without love

PENNY
Oh seaweed

ALL
Never set me free

PENNY & SEAWEED
No, no, no

TRACY & LINK
No, i ain't lyin'

PENNY & SEAWEED
Never set me free

ALL
No, no, no
No, i dont wanna live without

PENNY
Love, love, love

LINK
Yeah, yeah, yeah

ALL
Darling, you had best believe me,
Never leave me without love!


14. I KNOW WHERE I'VE BEEN

MOTORMOUTH
There's a light
In the darkness
Though the night
Is black as my skin
There's a light
Burning bright
Showing me the way
But i know where i've been

There's a cry
In the distance
It's a voice
That comes from deep within
There's a cry
Asking why
I pray the answer's up ahead
'Cause i know where i've been

There's a road
We've been travelin'
Lost so many on the way
But the riches
Will be plenty
Worth the price we
Had to pay

There's a dream
In the future
There's a struggle
We have yet to win
And there's pride
In my heart
'Cause i know
Where i'm going
And i know where i've been

MOTORMOUTH & ENSEMBLE
There's a road
We must travel
There's a promise
We must make
'Cause the riches
Will be plenty
Worth the risk
And chances that we take
There's a dream
In the future
There's a struggle

We have yet to win
Use that pride
In our hearts
To lift us up
To tomorrow

'Cause just to sit still
Would be a sin

ENSEMBLE
I know it, i know it
I know where i'm going

MOTORMOUTH
And lord knows i know..
Where i've been

MOTORMOUTH & ENSEMBLE
Oh! When we win,
I'll give thanks to my god
'Cause i know where i've been


15. (IT'S) HAIRSPRAY

CORNY
And now, live, from the certified up-to-code Baltimore Eventorium...
...for the first time ever on nationwide television...
it's The Corny Collins Spectacular...

COUNCIL GIRLS
He's Corny!!

CORNY
...brought to you by Ultra Clutch Hairspray!

CORNY (& ENSEMBLE)
What gives a girl
Power and punch?
Is it charm, is it poise?
No, it's hairspray!

What gets a gal
Asked out to lunch
Is it brains, is it dough?
No, it's hairspray!

If you take a ride
With no can at your side
Then your flip will be gone
With the wind

But if you spray it and lock it,
You can take off in a rocket
And in outer space
Each hair will be in place

Why take a chance
When you get up and dance
If you twist, i insist
You use hairspray

And tell your mother
Her head she should smother
With "ultra-clutch" faithfully

So if you're a redhead,
A blonde or brunette
Just take my advice
And you might just get
The only thing better than hairspray

CORNY
That's me!

ENSEMBLE
Ska-doo-dle-e-ya
Doo-dle-e-ya do wah

CORNY
Forget the milkman
The only thing better than hairspray

ENSEMBLE
Hairspray! Wow!

CORNY
That's me!

CORNY & ENSEMBLE
What makes a man
Reach out and touch?
Ultra clutch!

CORNY & ENSEMBLE
So if you're a redhead,
A blonde or brunette
Just take my advice
And you might just get

CORNY
The only thing better than hairspray
That's me!

ENSEMBLE
Ska-doo-dle-e-ya
Doo-dle-e-ya do wah

COUNCIL GIRLS
He's Corny Collins!

CORNY
The only thing better than hairspray

ENSEMBLE
Hairspray! Wow!

CORNY
That's me!

ENSEMBLE
Ska-doo-dle-e-ya do wah
Ska-doo-dle-e-ya do wah!
Do wow!

CORNY
"Hey, baby, you look like you could use a stiff one!"

BRENDA
Ska-doo-dle-e-ya-do do wah!!!!


16. GOOTIES

AMBER
Tracy Turnblad, this is for you.

They came from way far out
In outer space
And with her help
They may destroy the human race

AMBER & GUYS
She's got cooties!

GIRLS
...Cooties

AMBER
They've found a place to nest

GUYS
She's got cooties

GIRLS
...Cooties

AMBER
If i were her i'd be depressed
Long tailed, sharp nailed
Fuzzy legs, laying eggs

"Eww, get 'em away from me,
get 'em away from me ... ewww!!"

In science class
She's like a walking show-and-tell
Her pet skunk ran away
'Cause it couldn't take the smell

GUYS
She's got cooties

GIRLS
...Cooties

AMBER
Nobody want to sit by her

GUYS
She's got cooties

GIRLS
...Cooties

AMBER
She don't need a coat
'Cause she's got fur!
Circle, circle,

ALL
Dot, dot, dot

AMBER
Hurry, get your cootie shot!
"Come on everybody, let's stamp 'em out!"

GUYS
She's got cooties

GIRLS
...Cooties

AMBER
She's just as friendly as can be

GUYS
She's got cooties

GIRLS
...Cooties

AMBER
She shows them cootie hospitality

GUYS
She's got cooties

GIRLS
...Cooties

AMBER
She's like a living "twilight zone"

GUYS
She's got cooties

GIRLS
...Cooties

AMBER
Quick, get rod serling on the phone!

AMBER
Black, white, red, green

AMBER & ENSEMBLE
Every color in between

AMBER
Dresses like a circus clown

AMBER & ENSEMBLE
Somebody oughta hose her down

AMBER
Grew up in a cootie zoo
I bet her two-ton mama's got 'em too!

"And that's for you!"


17. YOU CAN'T STOP THE BEAT

TRACY
You cant stop an avalanche
As it races down the hill
You can try to stop the seasons, girl
But ya know you never will
And you can try to stop my dancin' feet

But i just cannot stand still
'Cause the world keeps spinning
'Round and 'round
And my heart's keeping time
To the speed of sound
I was lost til i heard the drums
Then i found my way

TRACY & LINK
'Cause you can't stop the beat

Ever since this old world began
A woman found out if she shook it
She could shake up a man
And so i'm gonna shake and shimmy it
The best that i can today

'Cause you cant stop
The motion of the ocean
Or the sun in the sky
You can wonder if you wanna
But i never ask why

And if you try to hold me down
I'm gonna spit in your eye and say
That you cant stop the beat!

(Penny appears onstage transformed into a hot teenage tigress.)

TRACY
What do ya' have to say, Penny?

PENNY
I am now a checkerboard chick!
You can't stop a river
As it rushes to the sea
You can try and stop the hands of time
But ya know it just can't be
And if they try to stop us, seaweed,
I'll call the n - double-a - с - p!
'Cause the world keeps spinning
'Round and 'round.

SEAWEED
'Round and 'round

PENNY
And my heart's keeping time
To the speed of sound

SEAWEED
Speed of sound

PENNY
I was lost till i heard the drums
Then i found my way

PENNY & SEAWEED
'Cause you can't stop the beat

PENNY & SEAWEED, TRACY & LINK
Ever since we first saw the light
A man and woman liked to shake it
On a saturday night
And so i'm gonna shake and shimmy it
With all my might today
'Cause you cant stop
The motion of the ocean
Or the rain from above
They can try to stop the paradise
We're dreaming of
But they cannot stop the rhythm
Of two hearts in love to stay
'Cause you cant stop the beat!

EDNA
Tracy, I have a little something
I'd like to add, if you don't mind.
You cant stop my happiness
'Cause i like the way i am
And you just can't stop my knife and fork
When i see a christmas ham
So if you don't like the way i look
Well, i |ust don't give a damn!

EDNA & ENSEMBLE
'Cause the world keeps spinning
'Round and 'round
And my heart's keeping time
To the speed of sound
I was lost til i heard the drums
Then i found my way

EDNA & WILBUR & COMPANY
'Cause you cant stop the beat

Ever since this old world began
A woman found out if she shook it
She could shake up a man
And so i'm gonna shake and shimmy it
The best that i can today

'Cause you cant stop
The motion of the ocean
Or the sun in the sky
You can wonder if you wanna
But i never ask why
And if you try to hold me down
I'm gonna spit in your eye and say
That you cant stop the beat!

EDNA
Wilbur, be a dear and get me my
oxygen... NOW!

MOTORMOUTH (to Velma)
Step aside, Miss Buttercup... it's
time to wrap this mutha' up!
Oh, oh, oh,
You can't stop today

ENSEMBLE
...No!

MOTORMOUTH
As it comes speeding down the track

ENSEMBLE
Oонооноон, child, yes

MOTORMOUTH
Child, yesterday is hist'ry

ENSEMBLE
Be gone!

MOTORMOUTH
And it's never coming back

ENSEMBLE
Look ahead

MOTORMOUTH & ENSEMBLE
'Cause tomorrow is a brand new day

MOTORMOUTH
And it don't know white from black

ENSEMBLE
Yeah!

MOTORMOUTH & ENSEMBLE
'Cause the world keeps spinning
'Round and 'round
And my heart's keeping time
To the speed of sound
I was lost til i heard the drums
Then i found my way
'Cause you cant stop the beat

ALL
Ever since we first saw the light
A man and woman liked to shake it
On a saturday night
And so i'm gonna shake and shimmy it
With all my might today
'Cause you can't stop
The motion of the ocean
Or the rain from above
They can try to stop ths paradise
We're dreaming of
But you cannot stop the rhythm
Of two hearts in love to stay
You can't stop the beat!

Aah, aah, aah
Aah, aah, aah
Aah, aah, aah

Come on, you von tussles
Go on, shake your fanny muscles

VELMA & AMBER
We can't!

ALL
Yes, you can!

VELMA & AMBER
No, we can't!

ALL
Yes, you can!

VEIMA & AMBER
Yes, we can...!!!

ALL
You can't stop the beat

VELMA & AMBER
Ever since we first saw the sun
It seems von tussle girls are always
Tryin' to please someone
But now we're gonna shake and shimmy it
And have some fun
Today!

ALL
'Cause you can't stop
The motion of the ocean
Or the rain from above
They can try to stop the paradise
We're dreaming of
But you cannot stop the rhythm
Of two hearts in love to stay
'Cause you can't stop the beat!
You can't stop the beat!!
You can't stop the beat!!!

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