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The Rocky Horror Picture Show Movie Script Prepared and Edited by: George Burgyan (bc770@po.cwru.edu) July 5 1993 The Rocky Horror Picture Show Movie Script Cast: Dr. Frank-n-Furter (a scientist) Tim Curry Janet Weiss (a heroine) Susan Sarandon Brad Majors (a hero) Barry Bostwick Riff Raff (a handyman) Richard O'Brien Magenta (a domestic) Patricia Quinn Columbia (a groupie) Little Nell (Laura Campbell) Dr. Everett V. Scott (a rival scientist) Jonathan Adams Rocky Horror (a creation) Peter Hinwood Eddie (ex-delivery boy) Meat Loaf The Criminologist (Narrator) (an expert) Charles Gray The Transylvanians: Perry Bedden Fran Fullenwider Christopher Biggins Lindsay Ingram Gayle Brown Penny Ledger Ishaq Bux Annabelle Leventon Stephen Calcutt Anthony Milner Hugh Cecil Pamela Obermeyer Imogen Claire Tony Then Rufus Collins Kimi Wong Sadie Corre Henry Woolf Props: Rice Bouquet Rings Newspaper (preferred: Plain Dealer) Water (squirt gun, or whatever) Matches (failing which, another source of light) Doughnut / Bagel Rubber Gloves Noisemaker Confetti (torn newspapers work well) Toilet Paper (preferred: Scott brand) Paper Airplanes Toast Party Hat Bell Cards Credits (other than actors) Original Musical Play and Lyrics by Richard O'Brien { "Dick number one!" } Screenplay Jim Sharman Richard O'Brien { "Dick number two!" } Musical Direction and Arrangements Richard Hartley { "Dick number three!" } Director of Photography Peter Suschitzley { "What did they do?" } Film and Music Editor Graeme Clifford{"They creamed Clifford!"} Design Brian Thomson Original Costume Design Sue Blane { "Hey look, Sue's to blame" } Incidental Music Richard Hartley Dances Staged David Toguri Sound Recordist Ron Barrow Music Recording Kieth Grant Dubbing Mixer Bill Rowe Dubbing Editor Ian Fuller Assistant Editor Rodney Glenn Camera Operator Denis Lewiston Camera Focus Mike Roberts Art Director Terry Ackland-Snow Construction Manager Dick Frift Set Dresser Ian Hitlaker Make Up Peter Ross-KingBased on original make up designed by Pierre La Roche Hairdresser Ramon Gow Wardrobe Richard Pointing { "What's Richard pointing at?" } Gillian Doos Production Manager John Comford First Assitant Director Mike Gowans Continuety Sue Merry Casting Consultants Celestia Fox UK { "If Celestia's such a fox, why is there UK after her name?" } Otto and Windsor USA Production Accountant Ron Special Effects Wally Veevers { "Hey Wally... Where's the Veev?" } Colin Chilvers Associate Producer John Goldstone Executive Producer Lou Adler Produced by Michael White Directed by Jim Sharman{"Don't squeeze the Sharman!"} General Information: Audience instructions are in braces. Text in quotes is to be shouted. The instruction 'echo' means that the following line is to be shouted in unison with the film. This script uses a more complex method of denoting audience comments, since in this one script there are lines from many theaters. There are times when more than one line could be used. In these cases, the separate comments are denoted by "a)", "b)", etc. Whenever Brad appears, or in introduced in some way, the line "Asshole!" is appropriate. When Janet is introduced or appears, the line "Slut!" is appropriate. Whenever the Narrator (Charles Gray) appears, have "chin sex" (Someone goes up to the screen and jumps up under it with a hand up). Dr. Scott may be booed, but it's also appropriate to yell "Kiss Ass!" Notes to the reader: If you see any lines that are missing that you would like added, then just send mail to me (bc770@po.cwru.edu) or call me at +1-216-381-6550 or +1-216-381-5114 and they will be added to the next version of the script. If you post comments on alt.cult-movies.rocky-horror, then they might find their way into this script. This is archived at ftp.uwp.edu:/pub/music/lyrics/r/rocky.horror Editor's notes: These lines are not the only lines that are said, or are possible. This is not an authoritative work. It is more fun to go to the movie and learn the lines from the people, perhaps using this as a reference. The lines here might not be used at your theater, and some of the props might not be allowed (If something is not allowed, DON'T try to bring it into the theater, it is a good way of spoiling the movie for everyone!!) Make up your own lines too! The most important thing about the movie is to have fun! That's what it's all about! I don't want this script to be used as something to memorize from, but rather as a means of getting lines to all of the world quicker and helping your timing of lines. I would like to thank everyone at my theater for yelling things, all the people on alt.cult-movies.rocky-horror that posted lines and a few of my friends for proofing this script. I would also like to thank Chris Ross (cross@eng.umd.edu) and Adam Fox (adamfox@eng.umd.edu) for making a script with a picture of the lips on the cover (which required a lot of scrubbing to get Windows not to barf). I would also like to thank everyone else that I'm forgetting. Now... Let there be lips! If you're ever near the Cedar-Lee theater in Cleveland Heights, Ohio then drop by and see me. (Sat @ Midnight) -GB! (bc770@po.cwru.edu) { "A long time ago, in a galaxy far, far away, God said: 'Let there be lips,' and there were. And they were good." } Science Fiction/Double FeatureUsherette (lips) Michael Rennie was ill The Day the Earth Stood Still But he told us where we stand. { "On our feet" while standing } And Flash Gordon was there In silver { echo "cum-stained" } underwear, { "It was gold!" } Claude Rains was the Invisible Man. { "outa sight!" } Then something went wrong For Fay Wray and { echo "fucked" } King Kong; They got caught in a celluloid { echo "sexual" } jam. { "69" } Then at a deadly pace It came from... Outer Space. { echo "It sat on where... Janet's Face" } And this is how the message ran: { "Freeze!" } Chorus Science fiction, double feature Doctor X { "Sex Sex Sex Sex" } will build a creature. See androids fighting { "and fucking and sucking on" } Brad and Janet Anne Francis stars in { "Deep Throat and" } Forbidden Planet Oh Oh Oh Oh Oh At the late night, double feature, { echo over double feature "Fuck your teacher" } picture show.Usherette (lips) I knew Leo G. Carrol Was over { echo "fucking" } a barrel When Tarantula took to the hills. { echo "took LSD" } { "Lick it, Bitch!" } And I really got hot { "and bothered" } When I saw Jeanette Scott { echo "When I saw Janet's twat" } Fight a triffid that spits poison and kills. { echo "Fight a penis that spits semen and kills" } Dana Andrews said Prunes Gave him the runes { echo "Gave him the shits" } And passing them used lots of skills { "Yay skills!" } But When Worlds Collide, { clap hands, "BOOM!" } "I'm gonna give you some terrible thrills," { echo "sexual thrills" or echo "I'm gonna give you some fucks and some thrills" } Like a... { "Sex-ray" } Chorus Science fiction, double feature Doctor X { "Sex Sex Sex Sex" } will build a creature. See androids fighting { "and fucking and sucking on" } Brad and Janet { "Brian Thompson" (his name is on the screen at the time) } Anne Francis stars in { "Deep Throat and" } Forbidden Planet Oh Oh Oh Oh Oh At the late night, double feature, { echo "Fuck your teacher" } picture show. I wanna go { "I want to cum" } Oh Oh Oh To the late night, double feature, { "Rocky Horror" } picture show. By RKO, { "Really Kinky Orgasms" } Oh Oh Oh To the late night, double feature { "Rocky Horror" } picture show. { "Where's the best place to fuck?!" } In the back row, { front row: "Fuck the back row!" while flipping them off} { back row: "Fuck the front row" } { "Fuck all the rows!" } Oh Oh Oh To the late night, double feature, { echo "Fuck your teacher" } picture show. (lips fade into a picture of a cross) { "Crucify! Crucify! Crucify!..." } { Push the steeple of the church up, "Ring the bell!" "Knock on the door!" } Dentonian Here they come! (Dentonians cheer and throw rice) { throw RICE } Photographer Let's get a picture. Close together now. The folks and then the grandparents. Just of the close family. Ahhh, hold that. Beautiful. And... (snap) { (evil laugh) "Now I've got your souls!" } Dentonian Congratulations. { "Thank you" in a voice like the dentonian } Ralph I guest we finally did it, huh. { "Hit him!... Hit him back!" } Brad I don't think there's any doubt about that. You and Betty have been almost inseparable since you met in Dr. Scott's Refresher class. Ralph Well to tell you the truth, Brad, That's the only reason I showed up in the first place. (chuckles) Betty O.K. you guys, this is it. (everyone screams) Ralph Well Betty's going to throw the bouquet. { throw BOUQUET } { "Do you have syph?" } Janet I got it! I got it! Ralph Hey big fella { "How would you know?" }, looks like it could be your turn next, eh? Brad Who knows. { "Hit the car twice if you're an asshole!" } (Brad hits the car twice) { "Be just and fear not... Be stoned and fear nothing... except old people..." (this has to be timed right, say "old people" when it shows the old people) } Janet Oh Brad, wasn't it wonderful? { "No!" } Wasn't Betty radiantly beautiful? { "No!" } I can't believe it. An hour ago she was just plain old Betty Monroe, and now... { "now she's a slut" } now she's Mrs. Ralph Hapshatt. { "Hap-SHIT will travel" } { "Hey Brad, did you fuck Ralph?" } Brad Yes Janet, Ralph is a lucky guy. { "No he's not, she's got syph" } Janet Yes. Dentonian I always cry at weddings. { "Show me an angel masturbating thank you." } Brad Everyone knows that Betty is a wonderful little cook. Janet Yes. Brad Why Ralph himself, he'll be up for a promotion in a year or two. { "If he doesn't get busted first" } Janet Yes. Dammit Janet Brad Hey Janet. { "Sit on my face and wiggle" "Why? Is you nose longer than your dick?" } Janet Yes Brad? Brad I really love the { "Starts win an S...Sku...Sku...Sku..." } skillful way... { "what a fucking genius" } you beat the other girls... { "with whips and chains?" } to the bride's bouquet. { "that too..." } Janet Oh Brad. { "Eat your veggies, bitch!" } { audience echoes 'Janet's, 'Oh Brad's, 'Dammit Janet's } Brad The river was deep but I swam it (Chorus: Janet) The future is ours so let's plan it. (Janet) So please don't tell me to can it. (Janet) I've one thing to say and that's Dammit, Janet I love you. The road was long but I ran it (Janet) { echo "backwards" } There's a fire in my heart and you fan it (Janet) If there's one fool for you then I am it. (Janet) I've one thing to say and that's Dammit, Janet I love you. Here's a ring to prove that I'm no joker. { echo "...that I play poker." } There's three ways that love can grow { "sex, drugs and rock and roll" } That's good, bad, or mediocre. { echo "That's straight, gay, or bi-sexual!" } { "How do you spell slut?" } Oh J-A-N-E-T I love you so. { "Don't drop it!" } { "How was your orgasm?" } Janet Oh, it's nicer than Betty Monroe had. (Oh Brad) { "Turn the flowers" } Now we're engaged and I'm so glad (Oh Brad) That you met Mom and you know Dad. (Oh Brad) {echo "That you fuck Mom and you blow Dad." } I've one thing to say and that's Brad, I'm mad, for you too. { echo "For a screw" over "for you too" } Oh Brad... { "Sluts strut" "assholes shuffle" } Brad Oh... dammit. { echo "Oh... shit } Janet I'm mad... { echo "I'm pregnant" } Brad Oh... Janet. { echo "Oh... shit" } Janet ...for you. Brad I love you too. { echo "I love to screw-ew-ew-ew." } Brad & Janet There's one thing left to do - ah - oo. { echo "ah-choo" } Brad And that's go see the man who began it. { echo "And that's go pick my nose and then fling it" (it goes good with what is on the screen) }(Janet) { "He's in the box!" } When we met in his science exam-it (Janet) { "What the fuck is an examit?" } Made me give you the eye and then panic (Janet) { echo "Made me piss in my pants and then panic" } Now I've one thing to say and that's Dammit, Janet, I love you. Dammit, Janet. Janet Oh Brad, I'm mad. { echo "you fag" over "I'm mad" } Brad Dammit, Janet. Brad & Janet I love you. { echo "I love screw" } { at the picture of the cross "Symbolism" } { "the man in the next scene has NO FUCKING NECK" } Narrator I would like, { "you would, would you?" } ah, if I may, { "You may not!" } ...to take you on a strange journey { "How strange? So strange they made a movie about it!" } (goes for black book) { "Not the book, the MOVIE" } (opens book) { "And this pervert took pictures, and your in 'em!" } It seemed a fairly ordinary night when Brad Majors { "Asshole! and a statement to prove it!" }, and his fiancee Janet Weiss { "Slut! and a statement to prove it" }, two young, normal, healthy kids, left Denton that late November evening, to visit a Dr. Everett Scott {echo "snotssssss" }, ex-tutor, now friend to both of them. { "Is it true that you fuck dead chickens?" } It's true there were dark storm clouds. { "Describe your balls" } Heavy, black, and pendulous, toward which they were driving. { "Is it true also that you molest little children?" } It's true, also, that the spare tire they were carrying was badly in need of some air, { "Like your neck" } but, uh, they being normal kids, on a night out... well, they weren't going to let a storm spoil the rest of their evening, were they? On a night out... { "What kind of night?" } It was a night out they were going to remember... { "How long?" } for a very long time. (Richard Nixon speech on the radio) Nixon I have never been a quitter... To leave office before my term is completed is abhorrent to every instinct in my body. But as President I must put the interests of America first. America needs a full time president... and a full time congress... { All sorts of nifty stuff is done here... for example, raise arms and sway to the windshield-wipers and sing kumbayah (sp!). Another neat one is for one person (usually associated with the cast in some way) to imitate the wipers on misc. drugs... } Janet Gosh, that's the third motorcycle that's passes us. { "No it's the first, bitch!" } They sure do take their lives in their hands, what with the weather and all. Brad Yes, life's pretty cheap to that type. { "So is Janet!" } Janet Oh. ...What's the matter, Brad darling? { "I got cum on the windshield" } Brad We must have taken the wrong fork a few miles back. Janet Oh, but where did those motorcycles come from? { "do-do-do- do..." etc. to twilight zone theme } Brad Hmmm... well I guess we'll just have to turn back. { "No, don't turn back!" } (Boom!) Janet Oh! What was that bang? { "a gang bang!" } Brad We must have a blowout. DAMMIT! I knew I should have gotten that spare tire fixed. { "Asshole!" } Well, you just stay here and keep warm and I'll go for help. Janet But where will you go in the middle of nowhere? { "What's white and tastes like shit?" or "Try the castle!" } Brad ...Didn't we pass a castle back down the road a few miles? { Cheers! } Maybe they have a telephone we could use. { "Castles don't have phones, asshole!" repeat whenever appropriate } Janet I'm going with you. Brad Oh, no, darling, there's no sense in both of us getting wet. { "She's already wet!" } Janet I'm coming with you! Besides darling, the owner of that phone might be a beautiful woman { "He is!" } and you might never come back. { "You should be so lucky!" } Brad Hey, Hey, Hey, Hey. {"Brad, kick the tire if you're an asshole!"} (they get out of the car, Brad kicks the tire) { NEWSPAPERS over heads, start with the SQUIRT GUN } { at the sign: "If you don't risk it we won't have a movie" or "Risk it, risk it!", etc... } Over At The Frankenstein Place Janet In the velvet darkness, Of the blackest night, Burning bright, { "What's up your ass?" } there's a guiding star. { echo "there's a brand new car" } { "That must hurt!"} No matter what or who you are. Brad & Janet There's a light... { light MATCHES on 'light' } Chorus Over at the Frankenstein place. Brad & Janet There's a light... { "Where's Santa Claus?!" } Chorus Burning in the fireplace. { MATCHES out on 'darkness' - "Darkness, you virgins!" if any lights still on } Brad & Janet There's a light, light in the darkness of everybody's life. (The following section exists in the stage performance) Brad I can see the flag fly I can see the rain Just the same, there has got to be Something better here for you and me. Brad & Janet There's a light... Chorus Over at the Frankenstein place. Brad & Janet There's a light... Chorus Burning in the fireplace. Brad & Janet There's a light, light in the darkness of everybody's life. { "Sing to use, oh hairless one!" } Riff Raff The darkness must go down the river of night's dreaming. Flow morphia slow, let the sun and light come streaming { "It's the amazing shrinking Riff Raff" } Into my life. Into my life... { "Watch out for the quicksand" or "The incredible shrinking Riff Raff" } { Sometime during the scene "E.T. on my shoulder makes me happy" } Brad & Janet There's a light... { MATCHES again } Chorus Over at the Frankenstein place. Brad & Janet There's a light... Chorus Burning in the fireplace. There's a light, a light Brad & Janet ...in the darkness of everybody's life { off on 'darkness' } { "Betsy Ross used to sit at home and sew, and sew and sew... } Narrator And so, it seemed that fortune had smiled on Brad and Janet and that they had found the assistance that their plight required. { "Are you sure?" } ...Or had they? { "Look! It's Scooby-Doo on acid!" } Janet Brad, let's go back, I'm cold and frightened... Brad Just a moment Janet, they might have a phone. { "Ding-dong asshole calling, avon couldn't make it." } { "Door-gasm!" as Riff opens the door } { "Say Jello in Spanish" or "What's satanic jello?" } Riff Raff Hello. { "Brad, how do you feel?" } Brad Hi! My name is Brad Majors, and this is my fiancee, Janet Weiss. I wonder if you could help us. You see our car broke down a few miles up the road... do you have a phone we might use? Riff Raff { "Feel between Janets legs." } You're wet. { a) "Are you a slut?" } { b) "Do you have your waterproof vibrator with you?" } Janet Yes - { a) "How's the weather?" } { b)"Why?" } - it's raining. { "Are you an asshole?" } Brad Yes. { "Riff, are you high?" } Riff Raff Yes... { "God, are you gay?" ...lightning strikes, illuminating motorcycles. "You weren't supposed to see that!" } I think that perhaps you both better { "Fuck off" } come inside. { "I don't care where you cum, as long as you clean it up." } Janet You're too kind. { "Brad beat off your jacket! Janet, get that condom out of your hair!" } { "Can you see the domestic in this picture?" "No there's a slut in the way!" } Oh Brad, I'm frightened. What kind of place is this? Brad Oh, it's probably some kind of hunting lodge for rich weirdoes. { "Yay rich weirdoes" } Janet Oh. (forlornly) { "Riff, how do you finger-fuck your sister?" } Riff Raff This way. { "Follow the bouncing thumb" } Janet Are you having a party? { "No, it's my sister's bat mitzvah" } Riff Raff You've arrived on a very special night. It's one of the master's affairs. { "Which one?" } { echo the next line } Magenta You're lucky, He's lucky, I'm lucky, we're all lucky! ha ha ha ha ha { echo "The banister's lucky!" over "we're all lucky" } { "No it's not, she's got wood-worms!" } (clock chimes seven times) (note: the clock reads 6 o'clock) The Time Warp { "What do you think of my penis?" } Riff Raff It's astounding; Time is fleeting; { "What's you favorite rock group?" } Madness { "they suck!" } takes it's toll. { "so does New Jersey" } But listen closely... { "For how long?" } Magenta Not for very much longer. { "How many ball's you got?" } Riff Raff I've got to keep control. { echo "Smoke a bowl!" } I remember doing the time-warp. { "Kick Kick" } Drinking { "Jack Daniel's" } those moments when The darkness would hit meRiff & Magenta And a void would be calling...Transylvanians Let's do the time-warp again. Let's do the time-warp again. { Here are the instructions: Do it! } Narrator It's just a jump to the left. All And then a step to the right. Narrator With you're hands on you hips. { echo "tits, or somebody else's" } All You bring your knees in tight. But it's the pelvic thrust { "oooo ahhh" or "group sex" with each thrust } That really drives you insane. Let's do the time-warp again. Let's do the time-warp again. Magenta It's so dreamy, oh fantasy free me. So you can't see me, { "do you douche?" } no, not at all. In another dimension, with voyeuristic intention, { "Where's your tits?" } Well secluded, I see all. Riff Raff With a bit of a mind flip { echo "Fuck" over flip } Magenta You're into the time slip. { "Fuck that bird!" } Riff Raff And nothing can ever be the same. { argue about the doughnut being a bagel or the other way around } Magenta You're spaced out on sensation. Riff Raff Like you're under sedation. All Let's do the time-warp again. Let's do the time-warp again. Columbia Well I was walking down the street just having a think When this snake of a guy gave me an evil wink. He shook me up, he took me by surprise He had a pickup truck, and the devil's eyes. He stared at me and I felt a change. Time meant nothing, never would again. Narrator It's just a jump to the left. All And then a step to the right. Narrator With you're hands on you hips. { echo "tits, or somebody else's" } All You bring your knees in tight. But it's the pelvic thrust { "oooo ahhh" or "group sex" with each thrust } That really drives you insane. Let's do the time-warp again. Let's do the time-warp again. (Columbia tap dances) { 2, 4, 6, 8 Show us how you masturbate 3, 5, 7, 9 We know you do it all the time 1, 2, 3, 4 Dance you little fuckin' whore } { 2, 4, 6, 8 Show us how you mastubate 3, 5, 7, 9 We know you do it all the time 10, 20, 30, 40 now we know you're really horny 4, 6, 8, 10 Clean it up and start again } { 2, 4, 6, 8 Show us how you mastubate 3, 5, 7, 9 We know you do it all the time 4, 6, 8, 10 Do it for us once again 5, 7, 9, 11 Suck my dick and go to heaven 6, 8, 10, 12 She's so hot she'll blow a valve } { after any of these "4, 6, 8, 10" and the movie finishes it } { "Don't fall... Don't fall... Awww!" } All Let's do the time-warp again. Let's do the time-warp again. Narrator It's just a jump to the left. All And then a step to the right. Narrator With you're hands on you hips. { echo "tits, or somebody else's" } All You bring your knees in tight. But it's the pelvic thrust { "oooo ahhh" or "group sex" with each thrust } That really drives you insane. Let's do the time-warp again. Let's do the time-warp again. { collapse out of exhaustion! } Janet Brad, say something. (whispered) Brad Say, do any of you guys know how to Madison? Janet Brad, please, let's get out of here. Brad For God's sake keep a grip on yourself. (music cue softly at first, crescendo up) { stomp in time to Frank, or "Heel, Toe,..." } Janet But it... it seems so unhealthy here. Brad It's just a party, Janet. Janet Well -- I want to go. Brad Well we can't go anywhere until I get to a phone. Janet Well then ask the butler or someone. Brad Just a moment, Janet -- we don't want to interfere with their celebration. Janet This isn't the Junior Chamber of Commerce, Brad. Brad They're probably foreigners with ways different than our own. They may do some more folk dancing. Janet Look, I'm cold, I'm wet, and I'm just plain scared Brad I'm here -- there's nothing to worry about. (Janet screams and faints) Sweet Transvestite Frank How do you do, I See you've met my Faithful handyman. { echo "hand-job man" } He's just a little brought down Because when you knocked { "He rang." } He thought you were the candyman. Don't get strung out { "on drugs" or "like a tampon" } by the way I look. Don't judge a book be its cover. I'm not much of a man by the light of day { "No shit!" } But by night I'm one hell of a lover. { echo "But by night I'm one sick mother-fucker!" } I'm a just a sweet transvestite From Transsexual, Transylvania. { echo "From San Francisco, California." } Let me show you around Maybe play you a sound. You look like you're both pretty groovy. { "Bull shit!" } Or if you want something visual { "Like a movie?" } That's not too abysmal, { "Like a movie?" } We could take in an old Steve Reeves Movie { "Who the fuck is Steve Reeves?" } Brad I'm glad we caught you at home, Could we use your phone? We're both in a bit of a hurry. Janet { "Left" } Right. { "Left" } Brad We'll just say where we are, Then go back to the car. { echo "Then go fuck in the car" } We don't want to be any worry { echo "I want to fuck Tim Curry" } Frank Well you got caught with a flat, well, { echo } how 'bout that? Well, babies, don't you panic. By the light of the night it'll all seem all right. I'll get you a satanic mechanic. { "S&M" } I'm just a sweet transvestite { "Boom-chicka-boom-chicka- boom" } From Transsexual, Transylvania. Why don't you stay for the night? Riff Raff { echo } Night. Frank Or maybe a bite? Columbia { echo } Bite. { "Bite not lick bitch!" } Frank I could show you my favorite obsession. { "Sex!" } I've been making a man { "Not him!", or "You call that a man?" } With blond hair and a tan { "You call that a tan?" } And he's good for relieving my { "sexual" }... tension. I'm just a sweet transvestite { "Check him out..." } From Transsexual, Transylvania. { echo } HIT IT, HIT IT! I'm just a sweet transvestiteColumbia, Riff Raff, Magenta Sweet transvestite Frank From Transsexual,Frank, Columbia, Riff Raff, Magenta Transylvania. Frank So { "What?" }, Come up to the lab, { "I can't cum that far" } And see what's on the slab. { echo "And fuck me on the slab" } I see you shiver with antici - (Three seconds) { "SAY IT!" } - pation. But maybe the rain Isn't really to blame. { "No Sue's to blame (Blane)!" } So I'll remove the cause { echo "your clothes" }... (Chuckles) { "What about the nasty little symptom?" } But not the symptom. (applause) (Brad and Janet are given towels) Janet Thank you. { "Janet's on rag..." } Brad Thank you very much. { "So's Brad" } (Columbia and Riff Raff start to undress Brad and Janet) { "What do you say when Brad tries to fuck you?" } Janet Oh! Brad! Brad It's all right Janet. We'll play along for now and pull out the aces when the time is right. { "You call those aces?" } Columbia Slowly, slowly! It's too nice a job to rush. { "Yay Rush" } Brad Hi, my name is Brad Majors, and this is my fiancee, Janet Weiss; { "Spell urinate" or "urethra" etc...} You are... Columbia You're very lucky to be invited to Frank's laboratory. Some people would give their right arm for the privilege. { "or their left tit" } Brad People like you maybe? Columbia Ha! I've seen it. { "Grab something useful, Brad - like a shoe!" } (Riff Raff pours wine into a glass, takes a swig from the bottle, and lets it drop after Columbia says "Shift it!") Riff Raff Come along - the master doesn't like to be kept waiting. { "What do you with an uncomfortable cock?" } Magenta Shift it. (Janet screeches - the elevator goes up) Janet Is he - Frank, I mean - your husband? Riff Raff The master is not yet married, nor do I expect he ever shall be. We are simply his { "slaves" } servants. { "same thing" } Janet Oh. { "Invisible men first, Sluts second... Assholes third... Servants, Groupies, and Dykes to the rear" } { "What's your favorite color?" } Frank Magenta, { "Where do you get your drugs?" } Columbia, go assist Riff Raff { echo "woof-woof" }. I will entertain... uh huh huh... (chuckle) { "The cameraman" } Brad Brad Majors. And this is my fiancee, Janet "Vice". { "Slut" } Janet Weiss. Brad Weiss? um Frank { "Say something in French" } Enchante. (Janet giggles) { "What does that mean?" } Frank Well! How nice. { "That's not what it means" } And what charming underclothes you both have. { "That's what it means" } But here. Put there (smocks) on. They'll make you feel less { "Naked" } vulnerable { "Same thing" }. It's not often we receive visitors here, let alone offer them... hospitality { echo "Horse-brutality" } { "Get tough, Brad!" } Brad Hospitality?! All we asked was to use your telephone, Goddammit, a reasonable request which you've chosen to ignore. Janet Brad, don't be ungrateful. Brad Ungrateful! { When Brad removes his glasses: "It's super- asshole!" "No, It's John Denver playing Brad Majors in the Rocky Horror Picture Show" } Frank How forceful you are, Brad. Such a perfect specimen of manhood. So... dominant (crowd has a flurry of laughs). { "If he's so dominant, why does she need glasses?" } You must be awfully proud of him, Janet. { "Are you a slut?" } Janet Well, yes I am. (giggles) Frank Do you have a tattoos, Brad? { "How do you tattoo an asshole?" "Whit a really small needle" } Brad Certainly not! Frank Oh well, how about you? (to Janet) Janet No. (giggling) { "Show him the battleship on your chest!" } Riff Raff Everything is in readiness, master. We merely await your (pause) { "Orgasm" } word. { "When's the orgy and who's invited?" } Frank Tonight, my unconventional conventionists... you are to witness a new breakthrough in biochemical research... and paradise is to be mine... It was strange the way it happened... suddenly you get a break... whole pieces start to fit into place, not a sign of being... { "suck on me" } what a fool! { "fool with me" } The answer was there all the time, { "What was the question?" } it took a small accident to make it happen... { "What did your parents call you?" or "What's in your pants?" } AN ACCIDENT!Magenta & Columbia An accident! Frank And that's how I discovered the secret, that elusive ingredient, { "Who gives the best head on the Enterprise?" } that spark that is the breath of life... Yes, { "Do you know about gay sex and bondage?" } I have that knowledge... { "What deodorant do you use that's strong enough for a man but made for a woman?" } I hold the secret... { "To life?" } to life... { "Itself?" } itself! { "F" } You see... { "K-E-Y M-O-U-S-E Fucky mouse, Dildo duck... } you are fortunate for tonight is the night that my beautiful creature is destined to be born! { echo "fucked!" } Up now! Throw open the switches on the sonic oscillator... { "What were the last words at Chernobyl?" } and step up the reactor power three more points! { echo "THREE MORE TRIANGLES!" } Janet Oh brad! Brad It's all right Janet. (colorful fluids, etc. in the order Red, Orange, Yello, Green, Blue, Indigo, Violet) { "Red hearts, Orange stars, Yello moons, Green Clovers, Blue diamonds, more blue diamonds, Purple horseshoes" } { "Is it soup yet?" "It's not soup 'till the microwave explodes" "Soup's on" } (Rocky emits some guttural garbage) Frank Oh! Rocky! The Sword of Damocles Rocky The sword of Damocles is hanging over my head, And I've got the feeling that someone's gonna be cutting the thread. Oh, woe is me, my life is a misery. Oh, can't you see, that I'm at the start of a pretty big downer. { echo "...that I've got the start of a pretty big boner" } I woke up this morning with a start when I fell out of bed. All That ain't no crime. Rocky And left from my dreaming was a feeling of unnamable dread. All That ain't no crime. Rocky My high is low, I'm dressed up with no place to go. And all I know is I'm at the start of a pretty big downer. All Sha-la-la-la that ain't no crime. Rocky Oh ho no no All Sha-la-la-la that ain't no crime. Rocky Oh ho no no All Sha-la-la-la that ain't no crime. Rocky Oh ho no no The sword of Damocles is hanging over my head. All That ain't no crime. Rocky And I've got the feeling that someone's gonna be cutting the thread. All Sha-la-la-la that ain't no crime. Rocky Oh no no no All Sha-la-la-la that ain't no crime. Rocky Oh no no no All Sha-la-la-la that ain't no crime. Rocky Oh no no no (repeat until end -- Sha-la-la) All Sha-la-la-la that ain't no crime, Sha-la-la-la that ain't no crime, Sha-la-la-la that ain't no crime, Sha-la-la-la that ain't no crime, Sha-la-la. Frank Well really. That's no way to behave on your first day out. Rocky Ugh Ugh (forlornly like a puppy dog) Frank But since you're such an exceptional beauty, I am prepared to forgive you. { "If you're horny and you know it beat your bars, if you're horny and you know it and you really want to show it, if you're horny and you know it beat your bars" } Rocky Ugh Ugh (applause) (Rocky bangs his bars) Frank Oh, I just love success. Riff Raff He's a credit to your genius, master. Frank Yes. Magenta A triumph of your will. Frank Yes. Columbia He's O.K. Frank O.K. (hits tank) { "Get your tits off my tank!" } O.K.! { "What do you think of Bill Clinton?" } I think we can do better than that. Humph! Well, Brad and Janet, what do you think of him? { "Lie bitch" } Janet Well, I don't like a man with too many muscles. { "Just one big one" } Frank I didn't make him... for you! { "She gets him anyway" } He carries the Charles Atlas seal of approval. I Can Make You a Man { "Describe Brad} Frank A weakling weighing ninety-eight pounds { "Two Brads" } Will get sand in his face When kicked to the ground; { echo "balls" "Don't laugh Rocky, that would hurt" } Rocky Ugh... Ugh... Frank And soon in the gym with a determined chin, The sweat from his pores as he works for his cause Will make him glisten { "What's your favorite toothpaste?" } and gleam. And with massage, and just a little bit of steam, { "Lower! Lower! Lower!" "Missed it, missed it, now you gotta kiss it!" "That's why he missed it!" } He'll be pink and quite clean He'll be a strong man. { "What does cum taste like?" } Oh honey... All But the wrong man. Frank He'll eat nutritious { "cum" } high protein { "cum" }. And swallow raw eggs... { echo "cum" } { "It's the world's largest dildo!" } Try to build up his shoulders, his chest, arms, and... legs Such an effort if he only knew of my plan. In just seven days... { "and seven nights" }Frank & Transylvanians I can make you a man. { echo "I can make you a fag, just like your dad" or to be really weird "I can make you eat Spam, out of a can" } Frank He'll do press-ups, and chin-ups, do the snatch, clean and jerk { "off" }. { "Hey look, Rocky found a hole in the floor" } He thinks dynamic tension must be hard work. Such strenuous living I just don't understand, When in just seven days... { "and seven nights" } I can make you a man. { "What the opposite of ooh-ah" } Frank Ah... ooh! { "Kool-aid man!" } Columbia EDDIE! Hot Patootie (Bless My Soul) Eddie Whatever happened to Saturday night, { "Sunday morning" } When you dressed up sharp and you felt all right? It don't seem the same since cosmic light Came into my life, I thought I was divine. I used to go for a ride with a chick who'd go, And listen to the music on the radio; A saxophone was blowing on a rock 'n roll show. You climbed in the back seat, you really had a good time. Hot patootie, bless my soul, I really love that rock 'n roll. Hot patootie, bless my soul, I really love that rock 'n roll. Hot patootie, bless my soul, I really love that rock 'n roll. Hot patootie, bless my soul, I really love that rock 'n roll. { When Eddie stomps: "Eat shit... And die" } My head used to swim from the perfume I smelled. My hands kind of fumbled with her white plastic belt. I'd taste her baby pink lipstick and that's when I'd melt And she'd whisper in my ear tonight she really was mine. Get back in front, put some hair oil on Buddy Holly was singing his very last song. With your arms around your girl you'd try to sing along. It felt pretty good. Woo you really had a good time. Hot patootie, bless my soul, I really love that rock 'n roll. Hot patootie, bless my soul, I really love that rock 'n roll. Hot patootie, bless my soul, I really love that rock 'n roll. Hot patootie, bless my soul, I really love that rock 'n roll. (for a total of twelve times) { when the transylvanians appear on the screen "Step, step, step, kick. Step, step, step, kick. Step, kick, step, kick. Kick, kick, kick kick." } (Frank attacks Eddie with an alpinist's pick) { "That's no way to pick your friends." } { "What's the score between you and the vault and say it sweetly" } Frank One from the vaults. (chuckles) { "Give those (rubber gloves) to Magenta; she knows what to do with used rubbers -- turn them inside out and use then again." } Rocky Ugh... { "I'm upset!" } Frank Oh Baby... Don't be upset... It was a mercy killing... { "Mercy, mercy, mercy." } he had a certain naive charm, { "What did he lack?" } but no muscle (Rocky flexes a bicep) ...Oh! I Can Make You a Man (Reprise) Frank But a deltoid and a bicep. { "What did you have from breakfast?" } A hot groin and a tricep. Makes me, oooh, shake, { echo "Boogie with a midget" } Makes me want to Charles Atlas by the { "Balls" } ...ha-ha- hand.Frank & Transylvanians In just seven days { "and seven nights" } I can make you a man. { "Step, strut..." } Frank I don't want no distention, Just dynamic tension. { "Sing it, bitch!" } Janet I'm a muscle fan. Frank In just seven days, { "and seven nights" } I can make you a man. Dig it if you can In just seven days, { "and seven nights" } I can make you a man. (Frank and Rocky's wedding march)Transylvanians Frank and Rocky, rah-rah-rah! Frank and Rocky, rah-rah-rah! Frank and Rocky, rah-rah-rah! Frank and Rocky, rah-rah-rah! { throw CONFETTI } { "I say that life is an illusion." } Narrator There are some who say that life is an illusion { "Like your neck" }, and reality is but a figment of the imagination. { "So's your fucking neck" } ...however, the sudden departure of their host... { echo "your neck" } and his creation... into the seclusion of his somber bridal suite { echo "suite" } and left them feeling both apprehensive and uneasy, a feeling which grew { "unlike your neck" } as the other guests departed, and they were shown to their separate rooms. (Janet and Brad are shown to their separate rooms by Riff Raff and Magenta) (knock) { Clap hands on 'one.' "Rocky Horror sex scene, take one!" or "Never worry Never fear, Frank the wonder fuck is here!" } { "Just like hamburger helper, just add the meat" } Janet Uhh! Who is it? Who's there? Frank (Brad) It's only me, Janet. Janet Oh, Brad darling, come in. Oh! Brad, Oh Brad. Yes, my darling... but what if... { "Don't worry, I brought a rubber!" } Frank (Brad) It's all right, Janet, everything's going to be all right. { "Don't fuck with the hair!" } Janet Oh, I hope so, my darling. Oh... Ah... ahh OHHH! Oh, it's you! Frank I'm afraid so, Janet, but isn't it nice... Janet Oh, you beast, you monster... Oh what have you done with Brad? { "Nothing yet, he's saving the best for last" } Frank Oh, well, nothing. Why, do you thing I should? Janet You tricked... I wouldn't have... I've never... never... { "What about the football team, boy scouts, and the girl scouts, and the chearleading squad" etc... } Frank Yes, yes, I know, but it isn't all bad, is it? I think you really found it quite pleasurable. Janet Oh, stop... I mean help... Brad Brad!... Oh Brad!! Frank Shhh. Brad's probably asleep by now. Do you want him to see you like... This! { "Assume the position" } Janet Like this like how?! Oh, it's your fault... you're to blame... { "No, Sue's to blame, doesn't anybody read the cradits?" } Oh... I was saving myself... { "For what? A rainy day? Look outside bitch, it's pouring" } Frank Yes, but I'm sure your not spent yet... Janet Promise you won't tell Brad? { "Slut!" } Frank Cross my heart and hope to die... { "Stick a dildo in my eye, shut your mouth and spread you thighs." } (assorted sexual noises) { When Magenta looks at Riff as he's leaving: "Look at my brother, he's so fine..." } { "Rocky takes it up the ass, doo-dah, doo-dah... Servants entrance in the rear, oh, doo-dah-day" } { "No, not the Liberace treatment!" } { "I know what you're thinking and it won't fit!" } (Riff Raff scares Rocky with a candelabra, Rocky runs away) { "Where's the bathroom?!" when Rocky goes down elevator shaft } { "Elbow sex... Elbow sex..." } { Claps hands on 'two.' "Rocky Horror sex scene, take two" or "Never worry Never fear, Frank the wonder fuck is here!" } Frank (Janet) Oh, Brad darling, it's no good here. It'll destroy us. Brad Don't worry Janet, we'll be away from here in the morning. Frank (Janet) Oh, Brad you're so strong and protective. Brad { "Don't fuck with the hair!" } Ah, ah, ah, oh YOU! Frank I'm afraid so, Brad, but isn't it nice... Brad Why YOU! What have you done with Janet? { "Fucked the shit out of her." } Frank Nothing. Why? Do you think I should? Brad You tricked me, I wouldn't have... never never... never... { "What about the football team, boy scout pack 69, and the girl scouts, and the chearleading squad" etc... } Frank Oh yes yes, I know... but it isn't all bad, is it? Not even half bad, I think you really quite enjoyed it. (Brad starts moaning) Frank Oh... so soft... Brad Stop it... stop it... oh Janet... JANET! Frank Janet's probably asleep by now. Do you want her to see you like THIS? { "assume the position" } Brad Like this, like how? It's your fault, you're to blame, I thought it was the real thing! Frank Oh come on, Brad, admit it, you liked it, didn't you? It isn't a crime to give yourself over the pleasure, Brad. We've wasted so much time already... Janet needn't know, I won't tell her... Brad Well, promise you won't tell... Frank On my mother's graoouuuuu { "Don't talk with your mouth full!" } (Beep Beep Beep...) Riff Raff Master, Rocky has broken his chains and vanished. Your new playmate is loose and somewhere on the castle { echo "coffee" } grounds... Magenta has just released the dogs... { echo "her sisters" } { Sometime in this scene (sung) "E.T. on my shoulder makes me happy" } Frank Mmmm? Coming! { "So's Brad!" } Janet What's happening here? { "Switch!" } Where's Brad? { "Switch" } Where's ANYbody? { as Rocky is running outside chased by dogs: "Where's the bathroom?" or "Kibbles and bits, Kibbles and Bits, we're gonna get os some Kibbles and Bits" or "Nipples and Tits, Nipples and Tits, we're gonna get us some Nipples and Tits" } Oh, Brad. Brad, my darling, how could I have done this to you? { "It would have been easier without the pantyhose" } Oh! If only we hadn't made this journey... { echo "...this movie" } if only the car hadn't broken down... { echo "...the plot hadn't broken down" } if only we were amongst friends... Or sane persons, { echo "...or real actors" } Oh Brad, Oh Brad, what have they done with him... (she sees him on TV with Frank) Oh, Brad, Oh Brad -- How could you? (Rocky emits moans and general cries of pain) { "Leave him alone, he's monsterbating" } Janet Oh, but you are hurt... Did they do this to you? { "No, it's self inflicted" } I'll dress your wounds... baby there... let me make it all better. { "I've got more hurt than you've got skirt" } { "Hey Janet -- look three ways and smile if you want to fuck." } Narrator Emotion, agitation or disturbance of the mind... Vehement or excited mental state. It is also a power full and irrational master... and from what Magenta and Columbia eagerly viewed on the television monitor there seemed little doubt that Janet was, indeed, ...its slave. { echo "a nymphomaniac" }Magenta & Columbia { echo } Tell us about it, Janet. Touch-a Touch-a Touch-a Touch Me Janet I was feeling done in, { "and out and in and out and in..." } couldn't win. I'd only ever kissed before. Columbia You mean she... { echo "You mean she's catholic?" } Magenta Uh huh. Janet I though there's no use getting { "laid" } Into heavy petting. { "Same thing." } In only leads to trouble And seat wetting { Stand up, "Hey, this seat's wet!" } Now all I want to know is how to go. I've tasted blood { echo "cum" } and I want more.Magenta & Columbia { echo } { "less" } More, { "less" } more, { "less" } more. { "less" } Janet I'll put up no resistance I want to stay the distance { echo "I want to fuck your piston" } I've got an itch to scratch { echo "I've got an itchy snatch" } I need assistance. { alternate lyrics: Taco taco taco taco! I want a buritto. Sour-cream and guacamole. Nacho cheese and more. or Fuck-a fuck-a fuck-a fuck me! I want to be dirty. Eat me beat me mistreat me. Creature of the night. } Toucha toucha toucha touch me! I want to be dirty. Thrill me chill me fulfill me! Creature of the night. Then if anything grows { "Suck it!" }, while you pose, I'll oil you up and rub you down.Magenta & Columbia { echo } { "up" } Down, { "up" } down, { "up" } down. { "up" } Janet And that's just one small fraction of the main attraction { echo "of the main erection" } You need a friendly hand and I need action. Toucha toucha toucha touch me! I want to be dirty. Thrill me chill me fulfill me! Creature of the night. Columbia Toucha toucha toucha touch me! Magenta I want to be dirty. Columbia Thrill me, chill me, fulfill me! Magenta Creature of the night. Janet Toucha toucha toucha touch me! I want to be dirty. Thrill me chill me fulfill me! Creature of the night. { After each one: "Switch!" } Rocky Creature of the night. Brad Creature of the night? Frank Creature of the night. Magenta Creature of the night. Riff Raff Creature of the night. Columbia Creature of the night. { Scream! } Rocky Creature of the night. Janet Creature of the night. Riff Raff Owwwwwwwww! { "Say thank you! ...say it in French!" } Mercy! (Being whipped by Frank) Frank How did it happen? { "Beats me, but I have a hunch" } I understand you were to be watching... Riff Raff I was only away for a minute... { "Doing what?" } master { "bating" } Frank Well, see if you can find him on a { "How's your forehand? Looks ok." } monitor. { "How's your backhand? Needs work." } Riff Raff Master, master... we have a visitor. Brad Hey, Scotty! { "Beam me up, there's no intelligent life down here" } ...Dr. Everett Scott. Riff Raff You know this earthling... this person? Brad Why yes. He happens to be an old friend of mine. Frank I see. So this wasn't simply a chance meeting. { "No, it was a date" } You came here with a purpose. { echo "...on a porpoise. It was a dolphin!" } Brad I told you, my car broke down. I was telling the truth. { "Assholes don't lie, they just shit a little" } Frank I know what you told me, Brad... But this Dr. Everett Scott, his name is not unknown to me. Brad He was a science teacher at Denton High School. Frank And now he works for your government, doesn't he, Brad? He's attached to the bureau of investigation of that which you call UFO's!!! Isn't that right, Brad? Brad He might be... I don't know. Riff Raff The intruder is entering the building, master. Frank He'll probably be... entering the Zen room. Shall we inquire of him in person? { "Not the triple-contact fagot magnet!" } (Pause) { When Dr. Scott passes through Columbia and Magenta's room, "Ring around the lesbians" } Brad Great Scott! { throw TOILET PAPER or PAPER AIRPLANES} Dr. Scott Frankenfurter, { "Count Chocula" } we meet at last. { "No, we meet at first." } Brad Dr. Scott! { "Put 'er there!" } Dr. Scott Brad! What are you doing here? { "Getting good head" } Frank Don't play games, Dr. Scott. You know perfectly well what Brad Majors is doing here. It was part of your plan, was it not? That he and his female { echo "she-male" } could check the layout for you. Well, unfortunately for you all, the plans are to be changed. { "Not heterosexual sex again" } You must be adaptable, Dr. Scott; { "Is Brad gay?" } I know Brad is. Dr. Scott I can assure you that Brad's presence here comes as a complete surprise to me. I came here to find Eddie. Brad Eddie! I've seen him! Frank Eddie! What do you know of Eddie, Dr. Scott? { "Get snotty Scotty" } Dr. Scott I happen to know a great deal about a lot of things. You see, Eddie happens to be my nephew. { echo "sexlife" } (Frank gasps and releases the magnet. Dr. Scott rolls back a couple feet) (Janet orgasms) Brad Dr. Scott. Janet Ah! Dr. Scott Janet! Janet Dr. Scott! Brad Janet! Janet Brad! Frank Rocky! (Rocky flips his head toward Frank) { "Bullwinkle!" or "Ugh!" } Dr. Scott Janet! Janet Dr. Scott! Brad Janet! Janet Brad! Frank Rocky! (Rocky looks at Frank with quickly lessening interest) { "Bullwinkle!" or "Ugh!" } Dr. Scott Janet! Janet Dr. Scott! Brad Janet! Janet Brad! Frank Rocky! (Rocky once again gleams at Frank, getting very upset) { "Bullwinkle!" or "Ugh!" } { "All present and accounted for, sir!" salute } Frank Listen... I made you... and I can break you just as easily. (to Rocky) { "Say something southern?" } Magenta (Rings gong) Master, dinner is prepared! { "What do you think of oral sex?" } Frank Excellent. Under the circumstances, formal dress is to be optional. { "To-ga, to-ga..." } Narrator Food has always played a vital role in Life's rituals. The breaking of break, the last meal of the condemned man, and now... this meal. However informal it might appear, you can be sure that there was to be little bonhomie. { "Why does Dr. Scott have seven forks?" "He hasn't ate yet" } { "...If that's the Hostess, I would hate to see the Twinkie!" "If that's the twinkie, I'd hate to see the cream filling!" } (Riff Raff and Magenta wheel in a cart and place a large piece of meat in front of Frank. He carves the meat and Riff Raff serves it to the others. Riff Raff pours and spills wine before this) { "The Black & Decker Pecker Wrecker... It slices, it dices, it circumcises!" } Frank A toast { throw TOAST } ...to absent friends... All To absent friends. Frank And to Rocky. (Frank starts a verse of staccato "Happy Birthday Rocky" and cuts it off after "Dear Rocky." Janet continues until she realizes she is the only one left singing.) Shall we? { "Why is Rocky drinking from a specimen glass?" "'Cause he's a piss poor actor!" } { "What kind of wine is it? Oh table wine..." } { "New from Wham-O, its Frisbee Meat!" } Dr. Scott We came here to discuss Eddie. Columbia Eddie! (Frank threatens her with the slicer) { "Shut up bitch or you'll be breakfast!" } Frank That's a rather tender subject. { "That's a rather tasteless joke" } Another slice anyone? { "Janet gets it... Brad gets it... Dr. Scott gets it. Rocky gets it, but he doesn't care." } { a) "Did any of you see my skateboard?" } Columbia Excuse me. (Exits room, closes door behind her, and screams) { a) "Oh, There it is!" b) "What's the matter? You ate him before -- you can eat him again!" "Yeah. but not with ketchup" } Dr. Scott (to camera) I knew he was in with a bad crowd, but is was worst than I imagined... Aliens! { "Who the fuck are you talking to? ...Who the fuck are we talking to?" } Rocky Ugh? Brad Doctor Scott! Frank Go on, Dr. Scott. { "Or as they say in East Berlin" }Or should I say Dr. Von Scott. { "Seig Heil!" } Brad Just what exactly are you implying? Dr. Scott It's all right! Brad Doctor Scott! Dr. Scott It's all right, Brad Eddie Dr. Scott From the day he was born { "Not the night, but the day" } He was trouble. { "With a capital 'T'" } He was the thorn { "Not the rose but the thorn" } In his mother's side. { "Not the ass but the side" } She tried in vain... { echo "cocaine in both the artery and the vain" } Narrator ...but he never caused her nothing but shame. { "shame, shame, shame" } Dr. Scott He left home the day she died. From the she was gone { "Bop shebop bop" } All he wanted { "was Dr. Scott's cock" } Was Rock-n-Roll porn { "and Dr. Scott's cock" } And a motorbike { "Woooooooo..." } Shooting up junk... { "What was he?" } { "What the fuck was he Chuck?" } Narrator He was a low down cheap little punk! { "Fuck you!" } Scott Taking everyone for a ride. All When Eddie said he didn't like his Teddy { echo "finger- fucked his teddy" } You knew he was a no-good kid. But when he threatened you life with a switch-blade knife { echo "with a dick this size" while showing how big with your hands } Frank What a guy! { echo "What a fag" } Janet Makes you cry. {echo "Makes you gag" } Dr. Scott Und I did. Columbia Everybody shoved him. { echo "Everybody sucked him." } I very nearly loved him. { echo "I very nearly fucked him." } I said, hey, listen to me; { echo "I said, hey listen screw me;" } Stay sane inside insanity! { echo "Stay hard inside my pussy" } But he locked the door and threw away the key. { echo "But he pulled it out and came all over me." } Dr. Scott But he must have been drawn Into something, { "What the fuck is a zum-zing?" } Making him warn { "Who?" } Me in a note that reads... All { echo } What's it say? What's it say? Eddie's voice I'm out of my hed. { "Spelled H-E-D" } Oh, hurry, or I may be dead. { "Spelled right" } They mustn't carry out their evil deed. (scream) All When Eddie said he didn't like his Teddy You knew he was a no-good kid. But when he threatened you life with a switch-blade knife Frank What a guy! Janet Makes you cry. Dr. Scott Und I did. All When Eddie said he didn't like his Teddy You knew he was a no-good kid. But when he threatened you life with a switch-blade knife { echo "...with a ball-point pen" } Frank What a guy! { "What does Santa say?" } All Oh-oh-oh... Janet Makes you cry. { "What does Fat Albert say?" } All Hey, hey, hey... Dr. Scott Und I did. { "What the fuck is an 'unt'?" "It's a three-fourths of a cunt" "What happened to the other fourth?" "I ate it!" } (Frank pulls the tablecloth off of the table and the slaughtered remains of Eddie are seen under the glass surface) { "I told you, I hate celery!" } Frank Rocky! How could you? (slaps Janet) Dr. Scott (To Brad, who's guiding his wheelchair) This way, this way. (General mayhem as Frank chases Janet. Riff Raff and Magenta laugh, until Riff suddenly says "Shut Up!") Riff Raff { echo } Shut up! Planet Schmanet Frank I'll tell you once; I won't tell you twice. You'd better wise up, Janet Weiss. { "Did you say rice?" throw RICE } You apple pie don't taste too nice. You'd better wise up, Janet Weiss. { "Did you say rice?" throw RICE } I've laid the seed; it should be all you need. You're as sensual as a pencil; would up like an E or first string. When we made it, did you hear a bell ring? { ring BELL } Ya gotta block? Well, take my advice. You better wise up, Janet Weiss. { "Did you say rice?" throw RICE } The transducer will seduce ya. Janet { echo } My feet! I can't move my feet! Dr. Scott { echo } My wheels! My God, I can't move my wheels! Brad It's as if we're glued to the spot! { echo "My socks! I can't move my socks! } Frank You are! So quake with fear, you tiny fools! Janet We're trapped! Frank (sung) It's something you'll get used to. A mental mind fuck can be nice. Dr. Scott You won't find Earth people quite the easy mark you imagine. This sonic transducer... it is I suppose, some kind of audio-vibratory physio-molecular transport device? Brad { echo } You mean... { "A vibrator!" } Dr. Scott Yes, Brad, it's something we ourselves have been working on for quite some time. { "a working vibrator" } But it seems our friend here has found a means of perfecting it. { "a perfect vibrator" } A device capable of breaking { "a broken vibrator?" } down solid matter and then projecting it through space and, who knows, perhaps even time itself. { "Dr. Who's vibrator" } Janet You mean he's going to send us to another planet? Frank Planet, schmanet, Janet! You better wise up, Janet Weiss. { "Did you say rice?" throw RICE } You better wise up, build your thighs up, You better wise up... Narrator And then she cried out... Janet Stop! { echo "More" } Frank Don't get hot and flustered! { "What do you do when you run out of KY jelly?" } Use a bit of mustard. { throw HOTDOGS on "you're a hotdog!" (optional) } Brad You're a { echo "Stick a" } hot dog, { "up your" } but you better not try to hurt her, { "Oscar Meyer" } Frank Furter. (Magenta throws a switch on the wall labeled Medusa and Brad turns to stone) Dr. Scott You're a { echo "Stick a" } hot dog, { "up your" } but you better not try to hurt her, { "Oscar Meyer" } Frank Furter. (Magenta throws a switch on the wall labeled Medusa and Dr. Scott turns to stone) Janet You're a hot dog -- { "Shut up. It wouldn't have rhymed anyway" } (Magenta throws a switch on the wall labeled Medusa and Janet turns to stone) Columbia My God! I can't stand any more of this! { "Then sit down" } First you spurn { "Sperm?" } me for Eddie, and then you throw him off like an old overcoat for Rocky! You chew people up and then you spit them out again... I loved you...d'ya hear me! I loved you And what did it get me? { "A hole in your shirt!" } Yeah, I'll tell you -- a big nothing. { "at least it was big!" } You're like a sponge. You take, take, take, and drain others of their love and emotion. Yeah, well, I've had enough! { "Peek-a-boo" } You're gonna choose between me and Rocky, so named because of the rocks in his head. { "That Columbia what a bitch, quick Magenta throw the switch!" } (Magenta throws a switch on the wall labeled Medusa and Columbia turns to stone) { "BLT: Bigger Left Tit" "Now we know which side Eddie slept on" } Frank It's not easy having a good time... (Magenta throws a switch on the wall labeled Medusa and Rocky turns to stone) { "What a great party, everyone's either plastered or stoned" } Even smiling makes my face ache... { "then bite your knuckle and talk to a big red door" } and my children turn on me... Rocky's behaving the just the way Eddie did. { "Show us your only virgin orafice" } Do you think I made a mistake, splitting his brain between the two on them? (Magenta walked over to where Frank is. Riff Raff follows) Magenta Ahhh! I grow weary of this world! When shall we return to Transylvania, huh? { "When you can speak the language" } { As Frank speaks the next line and Magenta's head starts turning towards Riff "Going... going..." when she stops moving her head "Gone!" } Frank Magenta, I am indeed grateful to both you and your brother Riff Raff. You have both served me well. Loyalty such as yours shall not go unrewarded. You will discover that when the mood takes me, I can be quite generous. { "How much for a blow job?" } Magenta I ask for nothing... { "I'll take two!" } nothing. Frank And you shall receive it... in abundance! { "Fe Fi Fo Fum, First I jack off then I" or "What's your favorite high protein breakfast food?" } Come, we are ready for the floor show. { "Look out for the finger; if you touch it, it's statutory rape!" } { "Betsy Ross used to sit at home and sew, and sew, and sew..." } Narrator And so, by some extraordinary coincidence, fate, it seemed, had decided that Brad and Janet should keep that appointment with their friend, Dr. Everett Scott. But it was to be in a situation which none of them could have possibly foreseen. And, just a few hours after announcing their engagement, Brad and Janet had both tasted... { "Frank's cock!" } forbidden fruit. { "same thing" } This in itself was proof that their host was a man of little morals... { "Yay little morals!" } and some persuasion. { "Yay some persuasion!" } What further indignities were they to be subjected to? And what of the floor show that had been spoken of? { "Where do you masturbate?" } In an empty house? { "When do you masturbate?" } In the middle of the night? { "Rates are cheaper" } What diabolical plan had seized Frank's crazed imagination? { echo "What diabolical chicken walked on your forehead" } What indeed? From what had gone before, it was clear that this was to be... { "Can we have a picnic?" } no picnic. { "Aww... and I brought the ants" (dejectedly) } Rose Tint My World A. Floor Show (Unfreeze - Columbia) Columbia It was great when it all began. { "Hip, hip" } I was a regular Frankie fan. But it was over when he had the plan To start a-working on a muscle man. Now the only thing that gives me hope { "is smoking dope" } Is my love of a certain dope. Rose tints my world, keeps me safe from my trouble and pain. (Unfreeze - Rocky) Rocky I'm just seven hours old, { "and can't dance" } And truly beautiful to behold. And somebody should be told My libido hasn't been controlled. Now the only thing I've come to trust { "Is Janet's bust" } Is an orgasmic rush of lust. { "Anal floss" } Rose tint my world and keeps me safe from my trouble and pain. (Unfreeze - Brad) { "What's two plus two?" } Brad It's beyond me; { "What do you say when you masturbate?" } Help me Mommy! I'll be good; you'll see, Take this dream away. What's this? { "The floor!" } Let's see, I feel sexy! What's come over me? { "Frank!" } Woo! He it comes again. (Unfreeze - Janet) Janet I feel released; { echo "real cheap" } Bad times deceased. My confidence has increased; reality is here The game has been disbanded; my mind { echo "cunt" } has been expanded. It's a gas that Frankie's landed! { "'X' marks the spot" } His lust is so sincere. { "Kiss my ass" } (Janet kisses the air) B. Fanfare / Don't Dream It Frank Whatever happened to Fay Wray? { "She went ape-shit!" } That delicate, satin-draped frame? { "Describe the abortion!" } As it clung to her thigh { "What? The ape-shit or the abortion?" } How I started to cry { "I'd cry too if I had abortion on my thigh!" } 'Cuase I wanted to dressed just the same. Give yourself over to absolute pleasure. Swim the warm waters of sins of the flesh. Erotic nightmares, beyond any measure And sensual daydreams to treasure forever. Can't you just see it? Oh, oh, oh. (Frank jumps into pool, fog clears, and he is floating in a life-ring labeled USS Titanic) { "Hey waiter, there's a fag in my soup. Shhh... everybody'll want one!" } { "I told you Michaelangelo, the ceiling!" } { "Why does God have his finger up Frank's ass?" } { "That's why the Titanic sunk, fags will go down on anything" } { "I didn't know the Titanic was a fairy-boat" } { "Why'd the Titanic sink?" "Because Frank blew a hole in it and suck out all the seamen" } Don't dream it, be it. (four times) { echo "Don't drink it, Frank peed in it" } { "Last one in is a heterosexual!" or "Last one in has to star in the sequel" } (Brad, Janet, Rocky and Columbia jump into the four corners of the pool. Columbia hits the water last) All Don't dream it, be it (eight times) { On sixth time: "Use the force!" } (On sixth line, De-Medusa handle falls, and Dr. Scott is unfrozen) Dr. Scott Ach! { "-choo!" } We've got to get { "the fuck" } out of this trap { "and into that pool" } before this decadence { "Yay, decadence!" } saps our wills. I've got to be strong { "like my hardon" }, and try to hang on { "to my hardon" }, or else my mind { "and my hardon" } may well snap { "crackle! pop!" } and my life will be lived... { "as a bowl of Rice Crispies" } for the thrills! { "What's two plus two?" } Brad It's beyond me; { "What do you say when you masturbate?" } help me Mommy! Janet God Bless Lilly St. Cyr. C. Wild And An Untamed Thing { "Whose pool is this?" } Frank My, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my...my I'm a wild and an untamed thing. I'm a bee with a deadly sting. You get a hit and your mind goes ping. Your heart'll thump and your blood will sing. So let the party and the sounds rock on. We're gonna shake it 'till the life has gone. Rose tint my world, keep me safe from my trouble and pain. All We're a wild and an untamed thing. We're a bee with a deadly sting. You get a hit and your mind goes ping. Your heart'll thump and your blood will sing. So let the party and the sounds rock on. We're gonna shake it 'till the life has gone. Rose tint my world, keep me safe from my trouble and pain. We're a wild and an untamed thing. We're a bee with a deadly sting. You get a hit and your mind goes ping. Your heart'll thump and your blood will sing. So let the party and the sounds rock on. We're gonna shake it 'till the life has gone, gone, gone. Rose tint my world, keep me safe from my trouble and pain. { "This is where the choreographer died" } (Riff Raff and Magenta enter from the rear door in silver space-outfits) Riff Raff Frank N Furter, it's all over. Your mission is a failure; Your lifestyle's too extreme. I'm your new commander; You now are my prisoner. We return to Transylvania. Prepare the transit beam. { instead of the above: Frank-n-Furter, the movie's almost over, your acting is a failure, your wardrobe's too extreme... I'm your new director, you now are an extra! We're about to roll the credits, Magenta start the house. -or- Frank-n-Furter, the movie's almost over, Your mission is a failure, the plotlines's too extreme... I just fucked my sister, you can smell my finger We return to have an orgy. Magenta makes me cream. } { "Look, it's a dildo for Wilson Philips" } { "What do you say when you get cought fucking the neighbor's dog?" } Frank Wait! I can explain! { "You get the purple-onion light, and you get the other shit!" } { when Rocky get the stuff: "Rocky do good! Rocky do good!" } (Frank goes and speaks to Columbia, who goes and turns on the spotlight; and to Rocky who goes and turns on the stage lights) I'm Going Home Frank On the day I went away... All Good-bye... Frank Was all I had to say... All Now I... Frank I want to come again, { "and again, and again" } and stay. { "hard" } All Oh, my, my... Frank Smile, and that will mean I may. { echo "...mean I'm gay" } 'cause I've seen, oh, { "Ow!!" when Frank kicks the dick- shaped lever" } blue skies Through the tears in my eyes (Magenta yawns with disinterest) { "Boring" } And I realize, I'm going home. { "I'm fuckin' stoned" } All I'm going home. Frank Everywhere it's been the same... All ...feeling... { "What does it feel like when Brad cums on your face?" or "What's it feel like to pee into a fan?" } Frank ...like I'm outside in the rain... All ...wheeling... { "How much for a blow job?" } Frank ...free { "I'll take two!" } to try and find a game... All ...dealing... Frank ...cards for sorrow, cards for pain. { throw CARDS } 'cause I've seen, oh, blue skies Through the tears in my eyes And I realize, I'm going home. Frank & All I'm going home. (3 times) (applause) Magenta How sentimental. { "You bitch, you made the drugs wear off!" } Riff Raff And also presumptuous of you. You see, when I said we were to return to Transylvania, { "I was speaking French" } I referred only to Magenter and myself. I'm sorry, however, if you found my words misleading, but you see, you are to remain here; in spirit, anyway. Dr. Scott Great heavens! That's a laser! Riff Raff Yes, Dr. Scott. A laser capable of emitting a beam of pure anti-mater. { "Then it doesn't matter?" } Brad You mean... you're going to kill him? What's his crime? Dr. Scott You saw what became of Eddie. Society must be protected. { "Fuck society!" "I'm trying, I'm trying." } Riff Raff Exactly, Dr. Scott. And now, Frank N Furter, your time has come. Say good-bye to all of this, { "Good-bye all this" } and hello { "Hello" } to oblivion. { "Hi, oblivion, how's the wife and kids? Your wife, my kids." } { "A blink of the eye, a twitch of the lips, First one to scream gets zapped in the tits!" } (Columbia screams - get zapped) { "That's alright, That's OK, I like warm milk anyway." } (Frank cowers away, and tries to escape by climbing a curtain - gets zapped) { "Rope please!... Thank you!" } (Rocky moans over and falls on Frank's body. Picks him up and begins to climb the tower - gets zap, zap, zap, zapped - falls into the pool to his death) { "Chest of steel... Back of steel... Shoulder of steel... Armpit of steel... Tower of plastic!" } Brad Good God! Janet Oh! You killed them! Magenta But I thought you liked them. They liked you. { "Get paranoid!" } Riff Raff He didn't like me! { "Get real paranoid!" } He never liked me! Dr. Scott You did right. { "Slowly I turn, step by step, inch by inch..." go into smaller units if you want.. } Riff Raff A decision had to be made. Dr. Scott You're O.K. by me. (holds out his hand as to shake it with Riff Raff) { "Nanu, nanu... shit, wrong aliens" } Riff Raff Dr. Scott, I'm sorry about your... nephew. {echo "sexlife" } Dr. Scott Eddie? Yes, well, perhaps it was all for the best, heh, heh, heh. Riff Raff You should leave now, Dr. Scott, while it is still possible. We are about to beam the entire house to the planet Transsexual, in the galaxy of Transylvania. Go... Now. (Brad and Janet wheel Dr. Scott out of the house) (to Magenta) Our mission is completed, my most beautiful sister, and soon we shall return to the moon-drenched shores of our beloved planet. Magenta Oh... sweet transsexual Land of night... To sing and dance once more to your dark refrain. To take... that... step to the right!Riff Raff & MagentaHa! Riff Raff But it's the pelvic THRUST! Chorus (flashback to Time Warp sequence) That really drives you insaaaaane Magenta And our world will do the time warp AGAIN! Super Heroes (Brad and Janet are crawling around on the ground outside the castle, in mist) Brad I've done a lot; God knows I've tried To find the truth. I've even lied. But all I know is down inside I'm... All bleeding... Janet And super heroes come to feast To taste the flesh not yet deceased. And all I know is still the beast is... All feeding... { go up to the screen and start spinning the picture, fall down when it stops } (Scene starts to spin, and fades into a spinning globe, which the narrator stops) Narrator And crawling { "where?" } on the planet's face { "what did you have for breakfast?" } Some Insects { "What're they called?" } called the human race... { "Oh shit, that's us!" } { "Where's your neck?" } Lost in time { "What's your favorite TV show?" } and lost in space { "What does this movie lack?" } And meaning. All Meaning... Science Fiction / Double Feature - Reprise Usherette Science fiction Double feature. Frank has built and Lost his creature. Darkness has conquered Brad and Janet The servants gone to A distant planet. Wo, oh, oh, oh. At the late night, double feature, Picture show. I want to go, oh, oh, oh. To the late night, double feature, Picture Show.
